Title:
Driving With the Brakes On (1/1)
Author: manette
Rating:
PG-13
April HBX challenge
AN—I was away from home
today for various reasons and this very short piece wrote itself
while I was sitting around waiting at one place or another. I’m
still working on the next chapter of my moose story--thanks for being
patient.
Driving With the Brakes On
He knew she was
going to leave.
She could see it in his eyes, in his forced
cheerfulness, in the hugs that lasted a little longer than usual. It
was for the best. She knew that, and so did he. That’s why he
would never try to stop her. He would always put her happiness before
his own, and that’s why her heart was breaking even while she
had one foot out the door.
He’d be okay. She wasn’t
vain enough to think he couldn’t get along without her. Letting
someone into his life had been a big adjustment for him, and once he
got used to the idea he would probably be relieved. But she’d
come to count on him for so many things—things she hadn’t
had in her life for a long time. He’d shown her it was safe to
trust, that it was okay to depend on someone besides herself. But
more than that, he’d taught her it was important that she allow
herself to love again.
He’d saved her, but she was going
to leave him just the same.
She watched him move around the
kitchen and had the sudden urge to cry. But she wouldn’t do
that to him, so she smiled instead and asked, “You need any
help?”
He looked up and smiled, “No. Everything’s
ready. Have a seat.”
“Okay. It smells
great.”
“Thanks. I hope you’re hungry. I got
carried away and made too much.”
“Well, we can
have leftovers next week.”
He sat down and started
dishing out the food. “And you’ll be complaining about it
next week, too.”
She grinned and said, “Probably.”
They
ate without anything that could pass for conversation. The tension
between them was unnatural and heavy. She finally couldn’t take
it and asked, “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Of
course.”
She sorted through what she wanted to say, but
finally blurted out in frustration, “Every time I think I've
put the pieces of my life together, someone comes along and jumbles
them all up. I feel I've got a big hole where my heart used to
be.”
He reached out and took her hand. “Mattie, is
this about your father?”
She nodded. “It used to
feel like loving him was a betrayal of my mother, and now it feels
like it’s a betrayal of you.”
“Maybe trying
not to love him is what caused that hole in the first place, and the
only person you’ll be betraying is yourself if you don’t
take this chance to work things out with him.”
She
looked like a little girl when she said, “I’m
scared.”
“It’s okay to be scared, and I’m
here if you need me. You’ll always have a place in my life. You
know that, don’t you?”
She nodded, knowing he was
right. “I guess I just needed your permission.”
“You
don’t ever need my permission to be happy. It’s all I’ve
ever wanted for you.”
She jumped up and hugged him.
“Thanks, Harm. You’re pretty smart for an old
guy.”
“Anytime, kiddo.”
She started
clearing dishes from the table and asked, “So, are you going to
take your own advice?”
He got up to help with the clean
up and said, “I don’t know what you mean.”
She
gave him an impatient look, and waved a serving spoon at him. “I
don’t think I’m the only person with a hole in my heart
from trying not to love someone.”
“Mattie, I don’t
want to talk about—”
She cut him off before he
could finish, and said, “Maybe you should talk to Mac.”
He
rolled his eyes. “Don’t you have some homework to
finish?”
She smiled and said, “It’s okay to
be scared, Harm, and I’m here if you need me.”
“Who
said I was scared?”
“So, call her.”
He
filled the sink with hot, soapy water and after a minute said, “Maybe
I will.”
“Good.” She grabbed a dish towel
and started drying a plate. “And you’ll always have a
place in my life, too.”
“Thanks, Mattie.”
His tone was light, but his eyes were suspiciously wet.
He
knew she was leaving, and it was going to be alright.
The End