Title: Healing
Author: JAG Junkie (rondayoung@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG
Category: Romance (H/M)
Disclaimer: They are (sadly) not mine. If they were, we would have seen more character interactions while off duty.

Summary: This is set after Hail and Farewell Part 1—just after Mac revealed to Harm “what the doctor told her”, but before Hail and Farewell Part 2, so Webb is still dead in this story. I always wondered what happened during the summer while we waited for the new season! LOL! For the purposes of this story, the flashback scenes in “The Four Percent Solution” *did* happen.

A/N: This is my response to Cece’s HBX challenge for April.




Harm and Mac were inseparable as they mingled with the crowd. It had been less than an hour since their conversation about the deal and Mac’s endometriosis. Since then, Harm hadn’t left her side and Mac had continued to hold onto his arm. She was thankful for his presence and the simple comfort and strength she could draw from him.

As they spoke with the other guests, Mac put up a shield and tried to act as normal as she could, despite her inner turmoil. For the most part, she hid her pain from everyone around her. Everyone except Harm. He, of course, knew she was dealing with much more than just Webb’s death, so he easily saw right past her mask. When he had a chance to get her alone again, he took it.

“Mac, are you *sure* you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, but softly added, “But maybe I *should* go home soon.”

“No ‘maybe’ about it. You really should go home. And your doctor would agree.”

“I know. I’ll just go call a cab.” She started to walk away, but he tightened his hold on her arm and pulled her back.

“Don’t be silly! I’ll take you home.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“Of course it is! Why should you pay cab fare when I have a perfectly good SUV sitting outside?” he reasoned.

“Harm, I don’t want you to have to leave early on account of me,” she protested.
He smiled. “Don’t worry about that. I’m ready to call it a night anyway. I can talk to these people anytime. Besides, the Admiral has already left. Right now I’m more concerned with making sure you get home okay and get in bed.”

She raised one eyebrow and lowered her voice. “You want me in bed, Sailor?”

He was momentarily caught off guard. He was not expecting her to suddenly flirt with him. Certainly not at a time like this. He took it as a sign that his spunky Marine wasn’t lost to him forever.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he shot back at her with a grin. “Come on. Let’s get you home,” he said as he led her toward the door so they could quietly slip out.

The conversation on the ride to Mac’s apartment was light and friendly. They steered clear of the heavy issues that they had discussed earlier. They mostly just reminisced about AJ and speculated about how things at JAG might change now that he was retired.

When they got to Mac’s apartment, Harm parked the car and went up with her. She decided that protesting would be useless. Her stubborn partner and friend was going to do just what he wanted. After eight years, she knew that all too well.

He followed her inside and shut the door. “Sit down and relax, Mac. Can I get you anything? A heating pad? Hot tea?”

She chuckled as she made her way to the sofa. “Harm, I should be asking *you* if you want anything. This is my apartment and you are my guest.”

“Yes, but tonight is different. I’m here to make sure you take it easy. So humor me and let me do something for you,” he pleaded.

“Okay, if you insist. I think all I want is a glass of milk. That will help me relax so I can go to sleep.”

“I can handle that. Be right back.”

Harm disappeared into the kitchen, giving Mac a few moments alone to think. She pondered all the things he had said to her that night. He was certainly living up to his claim that he “would always be there for her”. He didn’t even back down when she revealed her condition and her infertility. If anything, he pushed harder. He seemed so hopeful about other methods of having children. She couldn’t help but wonder if he would feel the same way a year from now if they were still unsuccessful.

His first word was “timing” when she had asked him for his thoughts. She snorted sarcastically to herself. *Timing*. Clay’s death had come just in time for them to go through with their deal. But, just as quickly, the doctor had given her that devastating news. What a cruel joke!
She bent her legs and pulled them up close to her body, wrapped her arms around them, and put her head down on her knees. This was the scene that greeted Harm when he walked back into the room. She seemed drawn into herself. He momentarily froze, then rushed over to the sofa and quickly set down the glasses of milk.

“Mac?” he questioned as he sat next to her, not sure if he should touch her. When she looked up and he saw the despair on her face, his heart broke all over again.

“Mac?” he tried again a little more urgently, this time moving a little closer. He couldn’t resist lightly touching her shoulder.

She blinked a few times and then looked down at the floor.

“Every time I think I’ve put the pieces of my life together, someone comes along and jumbles them all up,” she mumbled hopelessly.

His face immediately softened. “Funny. You said the same thing five years ago.”

She snorted. “Yeah. Ironic, isn’t it? Sometimes I think things will *never* go right for me.”

“Mac, don’t talk like that. You’re just in a difficult place right now. Things will get better. I’m sure of it.”

“I wish I had your confidence. But right now, I feel like I’ve got a hole where my heart used to be.”

A lone tear slipped out and she quickly turned her head, but he had already seen it. He tenderly reached up and guided her face back toward him and gently brushed away the tear with his thumb.

“Then let me fill it.”

She quickly met his gaze--her eyes asking the question that her mouth couldn’t. He really wanted to fill the hole in her heart?

“I told you I would always be there for you and I want to be a part of your life. I don’t intend to take back what I said, despite your news tonight.”

“Harm, I don’t need your pity or misguided devotion.”

“That’s not what this is about, Mac. I’m here for you in good times *and* in bad times. So please don’t push me away just because you misinterpreted my loyalty. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone before. You’re not going to go through all this alone, Mac.”

She started to smile a little and Harm detected a hint of relief in her eyes.
“That’s good to know. Thanks, Harm. For everything.”

“You’re welcome.” He gently squeezed her hand and smiled warmly.

“You know, I think until now neither one of us has been entirely clear tonight.”

He cocked his head a little to the side. “How so?”

“Well, earlier tonight, when I said ‘I can’t’, I meant that I can’t *right now*. Not yet. It’s just too much, too soon.”

“I understand. That’s why I shouldn’t have even brought it up. You know I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

“I know.”

She suddenly remembered the milk he had brought out and reached for her glass. As she drank, the soothing liquid seemed to calm the burning sensation she had been experiencing all day. She gulped it down quickly. Harm, after chuckling a little at her, finished his almost as fast. As much as he wanted to stay and talk and just spend time with her, he knew that wasn’t what was best.

“I should go. You need to rest.” He rose to leave.

“Please don’t go,” she pleaded and he stopped.

“But, Mac, you don’t need me around keeping you up tonight.”

“On the contrary. I need you here to start filling that hole in my heart. I don’t want to be alone tonight. Stay?” She spoke so softly that he almost didn’t hear the last part.

He felt himself being drawn to her. She was usually so strong and independent. But tonight, she seemed so unsure, so fragile. “Okay. If it will make you feel better, I’ll stay.”

“Thank you.”

He grabbed his keys and turned to go.

Panic washed over Mac’s face. “But--”

“Relax, Marine. I’m just going to get my seabag out of my car. I said I’ll stay and I am. I’ll be right back.”

When he returned a few minutes later, Mac was already in her pajamas. While he took his turn in the bathroom, she got in bed. He came out of the bathroom, but instead of getting in bed, he walked toward the living room.”
“Where are you going?”

“Out here to try to make the couch resemble a bed,” he stated as if it should have been obvious.

“Harm, if you’re sleeping out there, what would have been the point of you spending the night? I didn’t ask you to stay only to have you be in another room.”

His cheeks reddened slightly. “You mean…you want me to sleep…in here…with you?”

She chuckled at how flustered he suddenly was. “Don’t make such a big deal about it. We’ve shared a bed before.”

“Those were *entirely* different circumstances, Mac.”

“Maybe. But tonight I just want to know that my best friend is here with me. You’re not going back on your promise, are you Sailor?”

“Of course not! If you need me in here with you, then who am I to argue?”

He pulled back the covers and carefully got in bed. He was more than surprised when she snuggled up next to him and put her hand on his bare chest.

“Relax, flyboy. I’m sure this is a little bit better than sleeping with the scorpions.” Her reference to their night in Afghanistan two years prior seemed to calm his nerves a little, but not enough. “It’s okay, Harm. I *want* you to hold me.”

“Well, whatever the lady wants,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer.

She closed her eyes and tried to memorize this moment. Sleeping with him, like this, was a rare treat--one that she hoped would be happening more in the future. After sleepily whispering “goodnight” to each other, they both quickly drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

Mac awoke the next morning with the wonderful realization that she was still in Harm’s arms. She quickly decided that this was the most romantic thing they’d ever done. There hadn’t been any outright declarations of love. No acts of physical passion. But, they had shared something new and different. They had a new level of intimacy that they didn’t have before. The knowledge that she had spent an entire night in his arms in her bed with nothing between them but the thin fabric of her pajamas was both gratifying and stimulating.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she finally had a sense of hope, thanks to the sleeping man next to her. The man who had held her all night long and refused to let her go. The man who would continue to be there for her, simply because he said he would. And because he loved her. He hadn’t said it in so many words, but his actions in the past twelve hours told her all she needed to know. She was confident that when the time was right, they would say all the things that needed to be said. But for now, she was right where she wanted to be: in the arms of the man she loved.