Author: RD
Subject: Too Many Goodbyes (Part A) - March and April HBX challenge

Too Many Goodbyes
by: RD

A/N This story is AU and takes place after Lifeline. Nothing is the same after that. It uses both the March and April HBX challenge words. Special thanks go to A and A - you know who you are and I really appreciate your help and encouragement. Hope you all enjoy it.

Oh yeah – they don't belong to me – sniffle.

Part A
Jag Headquarters:

Mac's door was closed as Mic approached and he raised his hand to knock. Hearing Harm's voice, he paused and decided to listen to what was being said.

“I know you enjoy having him around Mac, but I think you should give him up.”

“It's just so hard. I know he hasn't been in my life that long, but I have grown attached to him.”

“I know, but you said yourself that you don't have enough time as it is and it isn't fair to him. You know he'll be better off and that is why you have already made the decision.”

“I know you are right Harm, I just needed to hear it out loud.”

“Well, you asked for my advice and I agree with your judgment. He's just too much trouble and your time is already limited. If you need any help, just let me know ok? If you want, I can even take care of the details for you, especially since you have so many other things going on.”

“Thanks Harm. Sometimes I just don't know what I'd do without you.”

“Hey, what are friends for? I'll see you later in court.”

As Harm stepped out of Mac's office, he felt a massive pain in his stomach where Mic's fist connected hard. He had been caught completely off guard and the blow doubled him over and sent him down on one knee. Mac immediately jumped up from behind her desk and rushed over to stop Mic who was yelling at Harm to put up his fists.

“Mic, what the hell is wrong with you? You just assaulted a man for no reason?”

“No reason? No reason? I heard him in there with you Sarah. I heard him tell you to give me up and that he would help you. Oh, I am not surprised, especially after talking to Renee, but I didn't think he'd be so blatant about it.”

“Slow down a minute. First of all, not that it is any of your business, but Harm and I were talking about Jingo, not you. Secondly, what about Renee?”

“Oh, like you didn’t know Harm broke up with her!” As the words left his mouth, his brain registered what Mac had said. They had been talking about Jingo. Mic had the decency to look truly ashamed and embarrassed. “I, uh, I'm sorry Sarah. Can we uh, talk about all this later?”

She was about to protest when it dawned on her where they were and that they had drawn a sizable audience. It was at this moment that the Admiral emerged from his office. He took in the whole scene. Harm down on one knee trying to catch his breath, Mac trying to help him stand, Mic looking on with a mixture of guilt and anger on his face. “What the hell is going on here?”

Everyone stopped and looked in his direction. “I want you three in my office right now. Everyone else, the show is over, get back to work. NOW!!”

Mac helped Harm stand and glared at Mic when he tried to help. “You have done enough Mic. Let's just get in to the Admiral's office before you make it any worse.”

Five minutes later the three of them stood at attention in front of the Admiral's desk. Harm and Mac out of duty, Mic out of fear and respect.

He looked at all three of them, then noticing Harm looked very pale, he put them at ease.

“Rabb, are you ok?”

“Yes sir. Just got the wind knocked out of me pretty good.”

“I want to know what happened out there and I want to know now.”

“It was my fault Admiral.” Mic glanced over at Mac. “I'm afraid I jumped to a conclusion about something I overheard and in my haste, I uh, well, I sucker punched Rabb.”

“I see.” He looked at Mac and then at Harm. “Commander, is this what happened?”

“Yes sir. Sir, I don't blame Brumby. It was all just a misunderstanding and I would prefer not to make a big deal out of it.”

“So you don't wish to press charges?”

“No sir. I just want to forget about this whole thing and continue preparing for court.”

“Colonel, do you have anything to add?”

“Not right now sir.”

The Admiral looked at her closely. Her jaw was clenched and a vein in her neck was bulging. She was pissed. Whatever punishment he could dish out would be nothing compared to what Mic was going to face later. Of that he was sure.

“Brumby, consider yourself lucky that Commander Rabb is such a forgiving man. With a room full of witnesses, he could easily have had you charged with assault.”

“Yes sir Admiral, I do realize that.”

“Commander, Colonel, you are dismissed. Brumby, I think it best if stay away from headquarters for a while.”

They all three said yes sir and filed out of his office. Brumby knew he had to do some damage control, especially in light of the news he let slip. He approached Harm and tried to appear humble. “Look mate, I really am sorry for the misunderstanding and I hope you can accept my apology.” He gave what he hoped was a sincere smile. Truth was he had enjoyed doing that. He’d been wanting to take another poke at Harm for months. But right now, it was important to look contrite in front of Mac. He held his hand out knowing Harm was too honorable to deny it, in public anyway. Harm hesitated for a moment, and then shook the proffered hand. “Don't worry about it “mate”, it's forgotten.” He turned and walked towards his office, trying to massage away the pain in his stomach.

Mac was not so forgiving.

“I cannot believe you did that Mic. We are going to have a serious discussion when I get home tonight. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for court.” She gave him one last glare and then headed towards her own office, shutting the door behind her. Mic knew he was in for it.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in court. By the end of the day, Harm was not feeling well at all. The pain in his stomach had not eased up and he wanted nothing more than to head home and crawl into bed. Mac had noticed that he seemed a bit off, but figured he was still upset by what had happened earlier. As she sat in her office, she could not keep her mind from wandering. She couldn’t believe Harm and Renee had broken up. She wanted to ask Harm about it, but didn't feel like now was a good time. Maybe she’d beat the information out of Mic later tonight.

She was so preoccupied with those thoughts that she didn't notice it was 17:30 and everyone had already gone home for the day, including Harm. She had hoped to see him before he left to make sure he was ok. With a sigh, she packed her briefcase and headed home. As she drove through traffic, she began to wonder, not for the first time, if she was making a big mistake.

Her wedding to Mic was only a couple of weeks away and yet there was no excitement. Shouldn't she be feeling butterflies in her stomach or something close to anticipation? All she felt was dread. Mic was a decent man, for the most part, but there were things about him that bothered her – things she couldn’t quite put a finger on. She was having a hard time seeing herself spending the rest of her life with him, and simply could not image him as a father to her children. When she pictured her future, all her children had ocean gray eyes.

The only butterflies she had felt recently were when she kissed Harm on the Admiral's porch during her engagement party. Her emotions had been on overdrive since that night. She had gotten the feeling that if Mic and Renee had not been in their lives, Harm would have confessed his love for her right then and there. Hell, they both danced around the words that night. She had wanted him to tell her so badly, yet she knew that he was way too much of a gentleman to do that to Renee or herself.

And then it hit her. Harm had asked why she had gone to Mic so fast. She had completely missed his reference. He wasn't talking about the engagement period. He had been talking about Sydney. How could she have been so blind? What must that have looked like to him? A damn one night stand proposal, that's what. He had said “not yet”. Not – “never”. Not, “I'm not interested”. Just ‘not yet’, as in, not right now, not at this moment, not when emotions are running high and I don't know how you'll feel in the morning.

So she had taken Mic's ring. To Harm that would have been an off-limits sign. She was no longer available. Harm was the quintessential gentleman. She hadn't understood that at the time. Now the realization was as bright as a neon sign. She wondered if it was too late to fix this mess. With a new outlook and a hope she had not had in a long time, she sped towards her apartment and Mic.

She heard Mic in the kitchen as she walked in the door. “That you luv?” He poked his head into the living room and smiled. “I'm making something special for dinner.”

“Mic, I'm not really hungry, and we need to talk. Can you please come over here and sit down?”

He had not been looking forward to this, but figured it was better to get it over with. They would talk, he'd give her his puppy dog look, she'd melt and forgive him and then they could have dinner and put it all behind them. As he approached Mac, he thought he'd still be facing an irate marine. Instead, she looked calm, almost content. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe she realized that Harm needed a good punch in the gut. He sure enjoyed doing it. Smug bastard. He couldn't wait to make Sarah his wife. Then he'd see to it that she and Harm didn't spend any time together outside of work. If everything went according to his plan, they'd be back in Australia in 6 months and he would resume his post in the Royal Australian Navy. Everything was falling into place. He was brought out of his thoughts by Mac's voice.

“Mic. For the most part, you are a decent man. You have been good to me these past months and I would like nothing better than to be able to make you happy the rest of your life.”

“That's what I want too Sarah.”

“Mic, please let me finish.” She got up and began to pace. “I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I have realized that I can't be the woman who makes you happy. I am not happy and if I loved you like I should, I would be. Marrying you should feel right, but it just doesn't Mic. I'm sorry. You deserve to be fully loved by the person you are going to marry and I am not that person.”

“Sarah, you are just having pre-wedding jitters. It isn't uncommon. Look, I know I screwed up today and made a fool of myself. You are just upset by all that. Let's just have a nice dinner and get some sleep and you'll see things differently in the morning.”

“No Mic. I can't marry you. There is something about you that makes me uncomfortable and your little display today just reminded me of that. It is a lot like the way I used to feel around my father. I was never sure when he would blow up and I can’t live my life walking on eggshells. I am sorry, but I think it would be best if you just leave.”

He got up and grabbed her by the arm. “What are you afraid of Sarah? Why are you running away from us now? You love me.”

“Let go of me Mic.” He released her arm but wouldn't give up.

“You have been wearing my ring for over a year Sarah. For once, admit you have real feelings.”

“I do Mic, just not for you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” She took off the ring and handed it to him, and then she grabbed her purse and headed out the door. Behind her Mic was shouting.

“You can't run away all your life Sarah.”

As she rode down the elevator, she smiled. She wasn't running away, she was running towards. She could only hope that it wasn't too late.