Harm: You know, I'm starting to get the
feeling this is more than just a bump
in the road. You honestly resent me.
Mac: And you have no faith in me.
Harm: How did we get to this place?

Title: Things That Go Bump in the Road
Author: by manette Rating: PG-13
Author’s note: This is a silly, sophomoric, just for fun take on the challenge. I haven’t placed Harm and Mac in any particular place in the JAG timeline. This kind of rambles on—I had trouble getting them to shut up and go to bed. Thanks to Cece for providing these challenges—they help keep JAG stories alive!

Things That Go Bump in the Road

“How did we get to this place?” Harm asked as he stopped the car in front of a spooky looking house and peered out the windshield. It was starting to get dark and the setting sun painted the run down house with an eerie orange glow.

“We got to this place because you ignored me when I told you we missed our turn,” Mac said. “I’m supposed to be the navigator, and you have no faith in me.”

“That’s not true, Mac. But the sign clearly said the turn-off was five miles ahead and we’d only gone two when you told me to turn. The road I turned on was exactly five miles from that sign.”

“The road you turned on had more bumps than a teenaged boy’s pimply face, and you managed to hit every one of them.” Mac refolded the map and put it in the glove compartment, closing it a little more forcefully than absolutely necessary.

He turned toward Mac, giving her his full attention. “You know, I'm starting to get the feeling this is more than just a bump in the road. You honestly resent me.”

“Why would I resent you, Harm? Just because you’ve ignored every suggestion I’ve had since this investigation started? Why on earth would I resent you?”

“Come on, Mac. I didn’t mean to ignore your suggestions. I’ve just had a really strong feeling about this case ever since we talked to Petty Officer Barnes. Something told me that we needed to check out this lead.”

They were working together on an investigation, but this little jaunt was on their own time. Another case of Harm going above and beyond, but she’d been more than happy when he asked her to ride along. They’d driven Harm’s Lexus and worn civilian clothes, and made the five hour drive to check out PO Barnes’ story.

Mac sighed. “I didn’t have a problem with the lead, or I wouldn’t have come with you, Harm. After we got lost I just thought waiting to come out to the house until morning when it would be light, and we could see what we were doing made more sense.”

“We were never lost,” he insisted stubbornly.

It was getting darker by the minute. Looking out the window at the ramshackle house she asked, “You don’t really think anyone lives here, do you?”

“PO Barnes said the house he took Miss Taylor to the night of the incident belonged to his aunt—a Mrs. Margaret Barnes. If she can verify his story that would give him the alibi he needs. But according to you, we took a wrong turn. Why don’t you go knock on the door and see who answers? I wouldn’t want to hog the investigation.”
She opened her car door and started to get out. “Fine. I’ll go knock, and when no one answers can we go find a motel room for the night?”

“Why Colonel McKenzie, what a suggestion!”

She slammed the door while he was still laughing. He’d been impossible all day. Stomping up the steps to the porch, she paused in front of the big wooden door. An old fashioned iron knocker shaped like a lion’s head was hanging in the middle of it, and since she didn’t see any kind of doorbell she lifted it and let it fall back into place. The loud clacking noise it made reverberated in the night air, and she felt silly for the shiver that raced up her spine. Picking the knocker up again she rapped smartly several times and waited.

Looking back at the car, she could see Harm watching her. She shrugged her shoulders to indicate that she didn’t think anyone was going to answer when a creaking noise had her turning back to face the door. It was standing wide open, but no one was there. No lights were on inside, but she could make out some kind of entry table and a stairway leading up to the second floor.

“Hello.” She took a step inside and called out again. “Is anyone home?”

Harm was halfway out of the car by now, and before she could take another step he was by her side. “What happened?”

“The door must not have been latched all the way, and when I used the door knocker it probably just swung open.” An odd warbling noise drifted through the open door followed by a shuffling sound. Something small, hairy and rat-like scurried out of the door, ran between their legs, and brushed against Mac’s ankle before disappearing into the dark.

They froze.

She said, “Eew, eek, eew!”

He said, “I’m starting to think you’re earlier suggestion was a good idea. Let’s go find a motel and come back in the morning.” Then he grabbed her arm and started pulling her off the porch.

Just then the moon disappeared behind a cloud, and the night got even darker. Mac didn’t argue, and they both raced back to the car. Jumping inside they locked their doors and then felt a little foolish. She looked at him and laughed nervously. He laughed too until she said, “We probably shouldn’t go off and leave the door wide open like that. It might rain.” She didn’t want to go back onto that creepy porch, but she felt responsible.

“Mac, there’s not a cloud in the sky. It won’t rain, and we’ll come back early tomorrow.” The words were barely out of his mouth when a jagged streak of lightning lit up the sky followed by an ear-splitting thunderous boom.

Mac let out a yelp and jumped at the noise. Harm jumped too and they ended up with their arms around each other and Mac’s face buried in the crook of Harm’s neck. When the rumbling of the thunder stopped, and before he could make any smart comment she remarked, “I didn’t know you were scared of thunder, Harm.” But she didn’t make any move to get out of his embrace.

He kept his arms wrapped securely around her, and gave her a there-there pat. “I’ll admit I was startled, but after that scream you let out I just wanted to offer reassurance.”

Big heavy raindrops suddenly started pelting the car, wrapping them in isolation. She leaned back so she could tell him that he was being obnoxious, but his mouth was just inches away from hers, and she suddenly found it fascinating. She hoped he would say something else obnoxious just so she could watch his lips move, or maybe she’d decide to kiss him and shut him up that way. All day long he’d been trying to get under her skin and he’d enjoyed every minute of it. His mouth gave her all sorts of ideas for things she would enjoy trying.

Heavy gusts of wind started rocking the car around. Another bolt of lightning flashed, illuminating the house, giving Mac a clear view of the porch and the front door that was still standing open. This time when the crack of thunder sounded Harm buried his face in the crook of Mac’s neck. She gave him a there-there pat but from the way his lips were nibbling on her throat she didn’t really think that he was really scared.

“Harm.” Her voice sounded huskier than she intended.

“Hmm?” His smart mouth was working its way up to her ear.

“The door’s wide open.” She gasped as his tongue got in on the act.

“If that an invitation, I’m ready to march right through it.” His teeth worried her earlobe.

She was confused. Surely he couldn’t be considering exploring the house tonight. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to go inside the house, Harm.” He was tracing her collarbone with his nose, and she could barely breathe.

“No, you’re right. Let’s go get a room.” His hot breath danced across the top of her breasts which were on the verge of heaving.

Desperate to get him to focus on what she was saying, she grabbed him by the face so his lips couldn’t touch her anywhere and tilted his head up so she could see him. “Harm, I’m going to go shut the front door of the house.”

Before he could answer or touch her again she opened the door and slipped out into the storm. He made a grab for her. “Wait, Mac. You’ll get wet.”

She’d only taken two steps and was already soaked to the bone. Suddenly Harm was there holding an umbrella over her head. Not that it did any good. The driving rain was coming in sideways, and by the time they reached the shelter of the porch he was as wet as she was. But the gesture had been sweet, and she appreciated not having to face that open door alone.

It was just a door, but imagining what might be inside had spooked her, and she didn’t like being spooked. She squared her shoulders and marched resolutely forward. Harm walked behind her, still holding the umbrella over her head even though they were covered by the porch. As they got closer she could hear a thrashing sound, shrill whistling, a low moan and some random cooing and clucking. She couldn’t imagine what was inside the house, but she kept moving across the porch one step at a time. If the door was closed, ‘It’ wouldn’t be able to get outside where they were.

She put one foot across the darkened threshold and made a grab for the doorknob.

Suddenly Harm yelled, “Duck, Marine.”

She was about to turn around and tell him that Marines don’t duck when a flapping noise got her attention followed by a pair of evil red-orange eyes that seemed to dive right for her face.

Before she could take cover Harm’s hand wrapped around hers on the door knob and they pulled the door shut together. A thud hit the other side of the door as soon as it closed. Once again they froze, looked at each other and ran for the car. Harm had trouble getting into the driver’s side since he had to wrestle with the open umbrella and the steering wheel, but soon they were both safely locked inside.
They were drenched. Mac was shaking from some combination of cold, excitement and the remains of interrupted lust. Water dripped off Harm’s nose but that didn’t lessen the effect of his killer smile when he turned it on her. “What the hell was that?”

She found herself wanting to lick the rain drops from Harm’s eyelashes. “Since it was inside that old house my first guess would be a vampire bat, but it was probably just a pigeon.”

“A pigeon?” he asked as he started the engine and turned up the heat. “Do they have red eyes?” He did a u-turn on the road and headed back the way they came.

“I-I h-have no-o idea-a.” Between her chattering teeth and the rutted, uneven road Mac could barely get the words out. She bounced along happily in time to the swishing of the windshield wipers, since this time every bump in the road took them that much closer to civilization.

Harm turned the heat up on high blast and reached behind him into the back seat. He fished out a zippered sweat jacket and an old ragged towel and threw them in her lap. “Here. Maybe these will help until we can get out of these wet clothes.”

Wet clothes.

Her eyes had taken notice of the way his shirt was plastered to his body, and even in the dim light from the console she was enjoying the view. Looking down at herself she gasped when she realized how much her own wet clothes revealed. His eyes had apparently noticed the same thing, judging from the way the car was veering all over the place. Keeping his eyes on the road seemed to be a real problem. Not wanting to spend the night in a ditch, she quickly covered herself with his jacket, thankful for the warmth.

She snuck a glance in Harm’s his direction. His hair was still dripping everywhere. Rivulets traveled down his neck before they disappeared under the collar of his shirt. Since she was wearing his jacket she thought it was only fair that she try to make him more comfortable. Scooting as close as the seat belt would allow she took the towel and started drying his hair, careful not to obstruct his view of the road. She ruffled the short dark hair on his head and followed the trails of water down his neck. She dragged the terry cloth over his shoulder, then on across his chest and on down toward his wet denim-covered lap. Patting here, dabbing there, she’d barely gotten started when he slammed on the brakes throwing her back against her seat.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking around wildly outside to see what danger they must have barely avoided. She didn’t see anything except the end of the road. They’d come to the turn-off they’d taken earlier that evening.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Harm’s jaw was clenched and his voice had an odd, strangled quality. She looked back down at his lap and then back at his face, and the source of his discomfort finally dawned on her. Just for the fun she reached over and stroked the towel up his thigh. His hand clamped down on her wrist and he said, “Now that we’ve reached the main road, I really think I need for you to navigate again.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re asking me to navigate?”

“Please.” He reached across her and opened the glove compartment. “Here’s your map.”

“And you’ll follow my suggestions this time.”

“I won’t even change lanes unless you tell me too.”

She arched an eyebrow in his direction just to show that she was skeptical, but then she switched on the overhead light and unfolded the map. Finding their location she said, “Okay, take a left.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, and then he pulled out onto the highway.

“We went through a small town about eight miles from here. They should have a place we can stop.”

“Just say when.”

The rain had almost stopped and water drops shimmered on the windshield as the lights of the small town came into view.

“When,” she said as a Best Western sign appeared on the right.

Harm turned into the parking lot and pulled under the drive-thru. “This should do,” he agreed. He started to get out, but she insisted that she’d take care of it. He relented since he still wasn’t dry, but he couldn’t help giving her some last minute instructions. “I need non-smoking, a king-size bed if they have it, oh and see if they have adjoining rooms. We need to get some food and it’ll just be easier if we have adjoining.”

“Anything else?” she asked.

“Nah, I’ve got faith in you, Mac.” She started to shut the door when he added, “Ask for extra towels.” She ducked down to look at him and he looked pitiful. “Please, since I’m all wet.”

She went up to the desk, got checked in and hurried back out to the car. He was singing along to some song on the radio while he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He stopped singing but kept drumming when she got back inside.

“Where to?”

“Drive around back—number 107.”

He drove around back and parked. She was out of the car unlocking the room door before he had a chance to ask any questions. He got out of the car and joined her. The room had one queen size bed in it and no adjoining door.

“They didn’t have any adjoining rooms,” she said when he asked. “The rainstorm convinced a lot of people to get off the road early. In fact this was all they had, so we’re sharing.”

“Oh,” he said. Then he grinned. “I guess we’ll just have to manage. It’s not like we haven’t done it before, right?”
“Right,” she agreed. “You should get out of those clothes and jump in the shower. The maid should be here any time now with the extra towels.” She started to take off his jacket but stopped when she caught him watching.

He winked and headed for the bathroom. “I’ll be in the shower if you need me.” The door closed but then he stuck his head back out. “I hope that maid hurries because the only towels in here are hand towels.”

She heard the water start in the shower just as the maid knocked on the door. Unfortunately, since the motel was so full because of the storm, she didn’t have any extra towels. She only had extra face cloths. “But we don’t have any bath towels at all,” Mac complained.

“I can give you ten wash cloths. That’s the best I can do until morning.”

“Fine. I’ll take them.” Mac closed the door and fastened the security chain. She could hear Harm singing “I’m Popeye the Sailor Man” in a lusty baritone and she hated to interrupt but she thought she should warn him about the towel shortage.

She knocked and called his name.

In a sing song voice he asked, “Who is it?” He seemed to be in an awfully silly mood.

She opened the door a crack and said, “Harm, they’re out of towels. You’re going to have to make do with the hand towels.”

He stuck his head around the shower curtain. Shampoo lather covered his hair and dripped off his nose. He peeked at her with one eye. “Uh oh.” I used one for a washcloth and the other for a bath mat.”

“Uh oh,” she agreed. “Well, here’s your half of the wash cloths they gave me.” She quickly put five on the closed toilet lid and retreated.

“Oh, well, I guess some parts will just have to air dry. Thanks, Mac.” He went back to singing about being ‘tough to the finich’ and she re-closed the door.

When she heard the water stop, thinking about Harm in there air drying occupied her thoughts for a while. Smelling like soap, he came striding into the room rubbing his hair with a wash cloth. He was wearing boxer shorts and nothing else. “These are still a little damp, but I’ll use the hairdryer on them while you take your shower. Do you want something from room service?”

“A cheeseburger will do,” she said as she grabbed her five washcloths and closed herself into the small bathroom. She hung his jacket on the doorknob and peeled off the rest of her wet clothes. The hot water of the shower felt wonderful and she lathered her hair twice thinking how she smelled just like Harm now. She shut off the water and used the four remaining wash cloths to dry herself the best she could. Looking at the sodden pile of clothes on the floor she realized she had nothing to sleep in. She slipped Harm’s jacket back on and zipped it up. It hung down to her knees, but she still felt vulnerable. After hanging all her wet clothes over the shower rod along side Harm’s she joined him in the bedroom.

Harm was propped up on the bed. He patted the pillow beside him. “Make yourself comfortable, Mac. The foods gonna be awhile.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I sleep in your jacket.” Mac pulled back the sheet and got under the covers.

“If I do mind will you give it back to me?” Teasing, he reached over and played with the zipper pull.

She patted his hand. “I have faith in you, Harm, You’re too much of a gentleman to ask for it back,” she said confidently.

He folded his arms across his chest. “Maybe that’s been my mistake.”

His reaction surprised her. “Why would you say that? I feel completely safe with you.”

That seemed to be the final straw. “We are lying here half naked, and you are not the least bit concerned.” He suddenly seemed affronted by the notion. “How did we get to this place?”

“Lying here half naked doesn’t seem like such a bad place to be, does it?” She turned toward him and ran a hand over his bare chest.

“Don’t try to get on my good side, Mac. I resent the fact that you think I’m such a milquetoast.” His arms were no longer folded across his chest. They had somehow gotten wrapped around Mac, and were busy dragging her up against him.

Her hands explored his chest. “Is this your good side, Mr. Milquetoast?” Her arms snaked around his neck and her hands traveled down his back. “This side seems pretty good too.”

“Cute doesn’t work with me, McKenzie.”

She nipped at his lower lip. “I wasn’t being cute. I was being funny.”

He kissed her then—wrapped her up in his arms and took her down among the sheets and blankets. His mouth did dangerous and dastardly things to hers—showing her exactly how much she had to fear from him. It was shameful the way his knee nudged her legs apart making her whimper with undisguised longing. His hands were making dishonorable forays under the hem of the jacket she still wore, finding and seeking bare skin. And when he reached for the zipper to rid her of the offending garment once and for all it was downright reprehensible.

Before he could slide it open she asked, “What are you doing, Harm?”

He gave the zipper a mighty jerk and growled, “Taking what’s mine.”

The drama of the moment was ruined when the zipper got stuck halfway down, snagging on some material—refusing to budge. Harm wrestled with it for awhile, but Mac ended up having to sit up and pull the jacket off over her head. Then the zipper got tangled in her hair and Harm had to pull her onto his lap until he could work it loose. It was slow going since she kept wiggling around so she could kiss him. But it was just a bump in the road on the path of seduction, and before long they were both naked from top to bottom.

Finally there was nothing left between them. “I love you, Harm.”

“I love you, too, Mac. Come here and let me show you.”
So she did and they made love the way God intended—on a lumpy bed in a cheap hotel room, interrupted by Room Service, thunder storms and the maid, who delivered six bath towels at two a.m.

The newly acquired towels inspired them to take another shower together just so they could dry each other off properly when they were done. Then they fed each other cold food and settled in to get some sleep. Happy and content Mac sighed as she snuggled up against Harm’s chest. They still had the investigation to finish before they could head home the next day.

“Harm?”

“Hmm?”

“Do we have to go back out to that spooky house?”

“I think we better, Mac. Besides, I want to know what kind of bird that was that hit the door.”

“Maybe it was a chicken. I think I heard clucking.”

“Do chickens have red eyes?”

“Beats me. Hey, Harm? Why don’t I drive tomorrow and you can navigate?”

“Sounds good.” His arms tightened around her as he mumbled sleepily, “Night, Mac.”

“Good night, Harm.”

She closed her eyes and blessed the wrong turn that had taken her exactly where she wanted to go.


The End