History Lesson

Chapter 1/1

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these JAG characters. I don’t own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story.

Spoilers: Any JAG episode is fair game, but this one will focus primarily on the Seasons 4 and 5 episodes, ‘Soul Searching,’ ‘King of the Greenie Board,’ ‘Rules of Engagement’ and ‘True Callings’ There is also reference to ‘People vs. Rabb’ from Season 3.

A/N: This is in answer to Cece’s February Challenge of 2006. The required lines are written in italics.

A/N: Chief of Staff= COS




1044

October 1, 1999

USS Patrick Henry

Somewhere in the Adriatic Sea


Harm stood watching Mac as she boarded the COD to return to JAG and the life he had chosen to leave behind. He and his roommate Tuna stood together on vulture’s row. Harm’s companion was silently taking in ‘the show’ between Harm and his former partner, Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.

Mac looked up at him one last time and Harm raised his hand in farewell, his smile belying the pain he felt. He would miss her and he knew she would miss him, but this time it was small comfort. Harm knew as time passed, the emails would slow to nothing and she would be just another person who passed through his life, and didn’t stay.

They both watched in silence as the COD was secured and then catapulted off the flight deck.

Harm’s expression was, for just a moment, unguarded, and Tuna saw the sadness he had been successful at hiding from Mac.

Tuna was intrigued so he teased, “Did you love her that much?”

Harm answered automatically. “I didn’t realize how much, until she was gone.”
“That’s always the way, isn’t it?” He was still deep in thought, though his words were strangely familiar to him, as though he had spoken them before.

“Are you serious Pappy?” Tuna was surprised; he never had spoken of anything that serious, certainly not to him. In fact, Pappy had been pretty closed mouthed about everything in his life, personal and professional. Anything Tuna knew, he had only heard from scuttlebutt around the ship or when he overheard the CAG speak to Pappy about his father.

Harm came to himself and followed up quickly, completely ignoring the question. “I’d better get back to it Tuna, I need to get some rack time before tonight.” He would be taking his turn at flying the skies over Bosnia, keeping unauthorized aircraft out of the no fly zone.

As they left vultures row, Tuna looked at Harm curiously, “Are you okay, Pappy?”

He frowned, “Fine.” He shook his head and walked down the passageway to his quarters, this was turning into a personal conversation. A conversation he didn’t intend to have with his roommate.

‘I’ve got a few things to take care of, catch you later.” Tuna got the message, ‘drop the subject.’

“Yeah…. later.”

As he stepped into his quarters and closed the hatch, he leaned back against it, his arms braced behind him. At that moment, he remembered why his and Tuna’s previous conversation had struck a chord with him. He had this same conversation with Mac nearly two years ago, but then, they had been talking about Diane, not Mac.

Harm lay down on his rack, and pulled the curtain closed, plunging the small cubicle into semi-darkness. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his head and it seemed that the more he tried, the sharper the images of Mac became. Mac. In all the ways he knew her, the things he loved, the things about her that drove him crazy.

The thought of working with her again made him smile in the darkness of the small space; he lifted his arms and folded his hands behind his head. Working opposite her on a case reminded him of how much he loved the courtroom, especially the courtroom with her. She had a way of bringing out the best in him, he missed that, today he found out how much. He wasn’t sorry he left JAG, he was sorry that he’d left Mac. Maybe he should have said more, e mailed more, right after he left. Before she left, he felt closer to her, but there was still a gulf widening between them and he saw the real possibility of Mac disappearing from his life forever.

He thought that when they made their ‘baby deal’ that they were both in the same place in their lives. The deal would link them, in a way nothing else would. He knew how much it meant to her and now, there was no question about what the deal and Mac meant to him. They both had things they wanted to accomplish in their careers, first, before they settled down with a family. There was no one he trusted more than Mac, there was no one who knew him better, at least no one he ‘wanted’ to know him better.

Was he in love with her? Could she possibly see him that way?

Harm turned onto his side and faced the wall. Was history going to repeat itself? Would Mac pass through his life, without ever knowing how important she was to him, without his ever acknowledging it, even to himself?


About 4 hours later….

Tuna opened the hatch to their quarters, trying to be as quiet as possible. He neednt have worried, Harm was sitting at his desk, filling out what Tuna recognized as a leave request.

He walked up beside him, knowing better than to ask about the paperwork, glancing surreptitiously at the paper on the desk. “Get much sleep?”

“Yeah….a little.” Harm signed the request for leave. He had to get back to the States for a few days; he needed to talk to Mac. E mails weren’t going to get it. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say when he got there, he just knew that he had to see her. She had to know that what he felt for her was more than friendship.

Harm stood. “I’m going to see if I can get a few minutes with the CAG.”

Tuna nodded as he watched Harm leave, thinking... ‘He’s headed back to the States, to see a certain Marine Colonel at JAG’


For once Harm wasn’t going to listen to the voice that said “Wait” and “Not yet” when it came to someone he cared for. Whatever happened, history wasn’t going to repeat itself. To ask Mac to become involved with someone who was going to be away as much as he was, was a lot to ask, but somehow, he still believed that Mac understood. That she knew what being here meant to him.




One week later…


1745

October 8, 1999

JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia



Harm had been sitting in his rental car for the last half an hour. He wanted to wait until he knew that most every one at Ops was gone for the day. He was relieved when he saw Brumby get into his car and leave. The idea had been to come home for a few days and talk to Mac about their relationship, but now he didn’t know where to begin. When he had been granted leave, the CAG had discussed the possibility of his returning to JAG, he said that flying with a squadron was a career dead end for him. He had been feeling torn about what he wanted to do, but now once again, he felt as though the decision was being forced upon him. He needed to talk to Mac, someone he trusted, and mostly, he just needed to see her.

Mac sat behind her desk, unconsciously massaging a knot that was forming on the muscle between her shoulder and her neck. She had been in her office all day. She was tired, she was irritable and she missed Harm. It would probably be a good idea to e mail him, she hadn’t answered his last one yet. She tried to bury herself in paperwork, which wasn’t hard to do since she had taken her COS duties. What was the point anyway? He had probably moved on, he probably didn’t have time for a ‘legal weenie.’ She smiled when she thought of Bud’s terminology.

Brumby had finally left, just fifteen minutes ago. She liked him, he was very attractive, in his own way, but she wasn’t really ready for a relationship with anyone. He was too persistent and something about that had begun to make her uncomfortable. She didn’t like being pressured by anyone. She turned back toward her computer terminal, willing herself to get back to work, when she heard the elevator open.

‘Damn it Brumby,’ she thought, when would he learn to take no for an answer?

She looked up expecting to see Brumby, back again, with dinner or some kind of ploy to get her to go out with him. Instead, she was faced with an image of a familiar figure walking through the double doors of the bullpen. She blinked, thinking this couldn’t be. Harmon Rabb Jr., in civvies no less, was walking toward her office, with his smile, as charming and disarming as ever, firmly in place. Her mouth dropped open; she was too tired to hide her surprise and pleasure at seeing him.

“Hello stranger.” She managed to greet him

“Hello.” Harm thought she looked tired, but beautiful, as always, her hand was still resting on the sore muscle in her neck.

He was standing in her doorway in well worn jeans and her favorite gray v neck sweater. The one that brought out the blue and the grey in his eyes. It just wasn’t fair that he was so handsome or that he had stolen her heart and taken it to the Patrick Henry with him. Hadn’t he seen that when she said goodbye. She hadn’t meant to cry, she did understand why he had to go, but it still didn’t make it easier to bear.
“What brings you here? Did you come all this way for one of our friendly chats?” Mac spoke as though his arrival hadn’t caused her heart to skip a beat and then accelerate.

Harm laughed, “Maybe,” He looked at her desk, piled with case files. “Doesn’t look like you have much time for anything right now.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a lot on my plate, COS duties, in addition to everything else.” Mac massaged her neck again.

Mac’s phone rang and as she answered it, Harm walked across the room, the need to be near her and touch her, was almost overwhelming. He stood behind her and placed his hand gently over the tight muscle in her neck.

“Colonel Mac…kenzie” What was he doing? Mac cleared her throat and tried to focus on whoever had called.

It was Mic. “Mac, why don’t I go and pick up something for your dinner….anything you want. You have to eat…sometime.”

“Mic, I told you, I’m fine, I brought something from home, I expected to work late.”

“Alright then, you can’t blame a bloke for tryin’” Mic laughed good naturedly with his last comment.

“Thanks anyway….bye.” She replaced the handset on the phone.

Harm didn’t acknowledge the phone call; he had heard both sides of the conversation in the now, very quiet, JAG Ops. Frankly, he didn’t want to talk about Mic; he’d had enough of him on the Patrick Henry.

Mac was oblivious to anything but the effects of his warm hands on her neck all the way down to her feet.

“It’s in the same place.” Harm was remembering a time when he had been in a great deal of trouble. Mac had sat up all night, poring over a file written in Russian for him. He had tried to massage the knot out then, though back then, he hadn’t spent half as much time as he would have liked.

Mac couldn’t think and she didn’t understand what he was talking about. “I’m sorry…what did you say?”

“Remember, when you translated that file for me, the one written in Russian? When I got into all of that trouble with Parlovsky?”

Mac focused, remembering that night, it had meant a lot to her that he trusted her enough to come to her, back then. She placed her hand over his and looked up at him. “That’s nice.”
Harm squeezed gently, pressing in with his thumb at the most tender spot and Mac closed her eyes. “Really… nice.” Her voice thickening as she felt herself relaxing even more. Oh my, what was happening here?

Harm looked down at her face, her dark and thick lashes fanning out beneath her closed eye, it would be so easy to kiss her, just once.

“Colonel Mackenzie?” A stern and very familiar voice to both of them came from her open doorway.

They both startled, “Sir.” Mac started to stand, to come to attention. Harm was not in uniform but his reaction was automatic.

“Stand easy. What brings you here Commander? I didn’t think anything could get you off a carrier, once you returned to a squadron.” The Admiral wasn’t being sarcastic, but it sounded awfully close to it.

“I took a few days leave. I’ve got some things to…think about.”

The Admiral gave them both an appraising look. It hadn’t looked like either of them had been doing much thinking a few minutes ago. “Surprised you didn’t take in the sights in Europe, for your leave, Rabb. You’ve already seen everything there is to see in Falls Church…haven’t you?”

“I wanted to come back home….back to Virginia…sir.” He didn’t want the Admiral to think that he considered JAG ‘home’, though coming back to JAG just might be an option. If the Admiral would allow it.

The Admiral raised a brow and nodded. “I see.” He looked at his watch. “It’s after 1800 Colonel, why don’t you get out of here.” He looked again at the Commander. “It looks like you have…a visitor.”

Mac stood awkwardly beside Harm and gave him a quick glance. “Yes, sir.”

“Carry on, Colonel.” He turned back toward his office and said in a barely audible voice. “But not in JAG Ops.”

Harm and Mac had heard him and could not keep the sheepish grins from their faces.

“Guess we better go.” Mac couldn’t look at him just then. She turned off her computer, grabbed the file she had been working on and awkwardly threw it into her briefcase.

“Yeah…Do you need any help with anything?” It gave him a secret thrill to know he had gotten her this flustered.

“No it’s under control.” She lied, she felt completely off kilter and if they had been anywhere but in the middle of her office, it would have been a good thing.

As they took the elevator down to the ground floor Mac asked him, “Harm, why did you come all the way home for your leave?”

Harm looked at her, “I need to talk to you Mac.” His gaze was direct and unflinching. He remained quiet until they walked out to the parking lot.

“Do you want to go out?” Mac was praying he would not want to, she just wanted to go home, get a shower and try and make herself presentable. This was not the way she had wanted to look, the next time he saw her.

He smiled, “you don’t feel like going out, do you?”

“I am tired, I know I must look awful, but you probably haven’t had dinner have you?”

Harm walked over to her, standing directly in front of her. “You look fine to me Mac.” A smile played at the corners of his mouth. “What do you say I make you dinner, at your place?”

“That sounds great.” Mac frowned looking around the lot. “Where’s your car?”

“It’s still in storage, I’ve got a rental.” Harm fished into his pocket for the keys. “I’ll go pick up a few things, to make for dinner. If history is any indicator, you don’t have anything I’ll need in the apartment.” He winked at her. “I’ll meet you at your place in an hour.”

Mac nodded. “Sounds good.” She took the few steps to her corvette and called to him. “Thanks, Harm” He turned to look back at her and she added. “You’re my hero.”

For reasons Harm couldn’t explain, what she had said caused such strong emotion to rush through him that his face flushed warm with embarrassment. He knew she was half kidding. How was it that a simple statement from her could have this effect on him?

Mac got into her vehicle and started to back out of her parking place. As he watched her leave said softly. “You’re welcome.”


One hour later…..


Harm arrived at Mac’s apartment promptly with grocery bags in each arm. Mac answered the door, dressed as Harm was, in comfortable jeans and a loose v necked pull over, the color of caramel.

As Harm passed her he could smell her light perfume and shampoo. He had missed those familiar scents. He remembered that when she came in first thing in the morning, when they worked together, he had almost looked forward to it. When she had hugged him when she first came aboard the Patrick Henry last week, the scent was faint, but it was Mac and it made him want to hold on just a few seconds longer.

“I’ll bet you haven’t eaten a fresh vegetable since I left.” He grinned at her over his shoulder as he took the grocery bags to her kitchen.

She followed him, trying to remember the last time she had eaten anything remotely good for her.

Harm sat the bags down on the counter and laughed. “You’re still trying to remember?”

Mac grinned sheepishly. “Well, I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“I go away for a couple of months and look what happens, you slide back into your old Beltway Burger eating habits.”

“It’s been more than a couple of months. It’s been 4 months and 2 weeks, exactly.” She corrected him.

Harm waggled his eyebrows, enjoying the easy banter between them. “Miss me, Marine?”

Mac picked up a towel that was lying on the counter and threw it in his direction. “What do you think? Did you miss me?” Her last statement more of a challenge than a question.

Harm stopped taking things from the grocery bag. “That’s why I’m here Mac.” His expression was suddenly serious.

His honestly took her by surprise, so much so that she decided to change the subject for the time being. “What are you making me for dinner?”

“Your favorite.” He returned his attention to the task at hand. It was nice to know, he wasn’t the only one who was having a hard time with this. She had to know this was more than a friendly visit.

“Linguine, with Clam sauce?” She raised her eyebrows.

Harm grinned from ear to ear, she had guessed. “Yeah, I was just going to make Marinara sauce, but then you did say I was your hero.”

Mac stepped over to him and hugged him playfully, “You are…I haven’t had that in ages. I’m so glad you came home this weekend.”

Harm hugged her back, relieved at how easily she came into his arms. “I am too. You take care of the vegetables for the salad and I’ll get started on the sauce.”

Mac released him from her embrace and placed the vegetables in the sink. She thought that this was as good a time as any to find out what it was that he needed to talk to her about. “So what’s going on Harm?”

‘Mac, I…a lot of things” He didn’t want to talk about this while he was making clam sauce. He thought making dinner would give him time, time to think of the right words to say, and get some kind of idea how she might feel about all this.

“A lot of things?” It was the standard Harm ‘hedge.’

Mac turned to look at him. “Okay Sailor. Just stop, we’re not doing anything till we get this out.”

Harm watched quietly as Mac put her vegetables and everything else in the refrigerator and took him by the hand and led him back into her living room. “Talk to me.”

Harm looked at her wondering where to begin; fearing that if he blurted it all out that she’d back away and they’d lose what he valued so much. This ease and closeness, this fun between them.

“Mac, I don’t know…where to begin. I have a lot going on right now; things are moving pretty fast… again.”

“What’s going on?”

He stood up and walked toward the French doors leading to her balcony. “I may not be staying on the Henry after all and…well, I’ve been thinking…about, you….and me.” He looked at her and seeing her confused expression decided to add. “About our friendship.”

“About our friendship?”

“Yeah…as it is now.” He took hold of the door knob as though he was going to open the French doors and go out onto the balcony; that would have been fine …except that it was 45 degrees and misting rain, right now.

Mac stood up and walked over to him. “Harm… what are you doing” She could help but chuckle. Why was he so nervous? He was all over the map. She took his hand again and teasing him said, “It’s a little cold for the balcony tonight.”

Mac stopped in front of him and asked. “One subject at a time, okay? What has you so tongue tied tonight?” She lifted his hand and placed it on her cheek, meaning to put him at ease. “It’s just me.”

Her last statement seemed to loosen his tongue and help him focus on what he meant to say. “That’s right Mac, its just you, only you. I think it has been for some time.” He lifted his other hand to her check, framing her face.

Mac held onto both of his wrists, still not quite grasping what was happening here. Now she was getting the ‘things are moving fast’ part of what he had been trying to say. Was he coming back to JAG? Was he going to another squadron? And what was she seeing…a look in his eyes, she had only seen fleetingly when he looked at her.

“I know I don’t have any right to ask, I don’t know what my future holds now. I may stay with the squadron on the Henry or I may end up working with the JAG corps here, in the States somewhere. But whatever I do, I want to be more than just your friend.”

“What are you saying Harm?” Mac tried to catch her breath. “I mean…about me?”

“Mac, I don’t want to lose…this. What we have between us, but I…want…so much more.” With that he kissed her lightly on the lips.

Mac leaned into the kiss, his lips warm on hers. Her head was spinning. As they broke their kiss, she looked into his heavy lidded eyes, dark with something she had never seen before. “Harm…I don’t know what to say…I’m...”

Harm’s heart sank, this had been a mistake, it was already too late. He started to step back from her and as he did, Mac caught his hand and led him to the couch. Still holding his hand his both of hers, she tried to put him at ease.

“Don’t misunderstand me, I just…I never thought you saw me this way. After you left, I made myself accept that the dream of any kind of deeper relationship with you was only in my head, that it was unrealistic. I thought I should just be grateful for our friendship and leave it at that.”

“Mac, when you left the ship last week, A conversation I had with someone made me remember what I was losing, at least what I felt as though I was losing. I didn’t want history to repeat itself; I didn’t want someone I...” Harm couldn’t look at her and say the words; it was still painful to open up like this. “….loved… to pass through my life and never know...”

Now she understood, “This is about Diane, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s about you. Though my history with Diane is what motivated me to take leave, to come here and tell you how I feel. I don’t want to waste any more time and I don’t want to lose you….Have I?”

Mac reached to touch his face, caressing his cheek, she answered, “No…you haven’t.” She leaned up and kissed him. “But this side of you is definitely going to take some getting used to. You don’t have a history of being an open book, at least not to me.” She smiled at him mischievously.

Harm kissed her again and pulled her into his lap. His kisses were all consuming and passionate, more than Mac had ever dreamed of. She pulled back from him slightly and looked into his half closed eyes. “Harm…”

He grinned devilishly “Mac…I think that since I’ve proven that I have learned from my history, that I need another lesson.” He pulled her into another bone melting kiss, pursuing her as she tried to back away.

When Mac finally broke the kiss, she asked, “Lesson?” She was still trying to catch her breath, and catch up with Harm, who at the moment, seemed to be way ahead of her.

He suddenly turned them both and in seconds, she was lying on her back beneath him on the couch.

He clasped both her hands in his. “Yeah…” He kissed her deeply again, each kiss more intoxicating than the last. “I think I need a better view of….the topography of….Mac”

Mac could not keep the laughter from bubbling up inside her as Harm set about his exploration of her topography as defined in Merriam- Webster’s Dictionary.

Topography: The physical or natural features of an object or entity and their structural relationships.



Later that evening….

As Harm and Mac slept deeply, their love and commitment for each other confirmed, their careers and futures discussed, Mac received a message from a very persistent Mic Brumby.

“Come on luv, you and me, tomorrow night. Calisto’s. You can’t be a nun forever….”

Needless to say, Mac’s days of being a ‘nun’……were history.


FIN