Author: Henya
Subject: HBX January 07 Challenge: The Book of Life Continues

A/N – This is a sequel to “The Book of Life” which can been found at The Book of Life. At the time I wrote it, I never considered a sequel. I felt the story was done and finished, the chapter closed. But many people who commented on the story were interested in finding out what happened next. It took me a long time to consider continuing the story and I really thought it would never happen but then one sleepless night came and lines started forming in my head. I hope you all enjoy it and I hope it brings a satisfying closure to The Book of Life.

A big thanks to Cece for giving me the perfect ending to my story in the form of January’s challenge lines.


From “The Book of Life”

Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station

It was close to midnight when Harm heard a soft knock on his door. His heart skipped a beat because he knew it was Mac. Whether she knew it or not, he had memorized the sound of her hand upon his door.

He walked over to the door and opened it. He found her standing there, clutching a small leather bound book like it was a lifeline. She looked at him, smiled, and said, “I’m ready.”

Harm smiled back, fully opened the door, and moved aside to let her in.


“The Book of Life Continues”


Mac slowly walked into the dimly lit apartment and sat down, still clutching the book.

Harm sat down next to her looking a bit concerned. “Hey, you ok?”

“Yes, actually, I think I am.” Mac paused and laid the book on her lap, resting her hands atop of its smooth exterior. “I have something I want you to read. It’s, well, it’s something that will hopefully help you understand why I’ve been the way I’ve been lately. It’s a book about my life; the good and the bad. After the mess with Sadiq, I briefly saw a therapist and she suggested that I do this. It took me a long time to actually summon up the courage to start but once I did, it became obsessive. I’ve been working on it for many days now, almost consumed with finishing. Well, tonight I finished and not only has it been one of the most incredible things I’ve ever done in terms of helping me put my past behind me, it’s also helped me realize what I want from my future.” Mac looked up and smiled at him.

“I want you to read this. I want you to know everything there is to me. You know a lot of what’s written in here already but there really is so much more that you don’t know. And I want you to know. This is hard but I really need to do this. You told me to come to you when I was ready to talk and instead of talking, at least for now, I want you to read.”

“Mac, are you sure? I can only imagine how personal this must be and how hard it is to share.”

“Harm. I’m sure. Actually, I’ve never been surer about anything.”

Mac reached out and took his hand. Turning it over, she laid the book into it. “Read it. Please. We’ll talk about it later.”

“You’re leaving?”

“I really want you to read it before I say anything. There’s so much to say but most of it is in there and you should read it as I wrote it. I don’t want to say or do anything that will make less of your simply reading.”

“Ok. I’ll read it.” He flashed her a sweet smile and she quietly said good night and walked out the door.

Harm stood at the window watching her drive away while holding the book in his hands exactly as she put it there. Once he could no longer see the taillights of her car, he started his journey into Mac. He sat down on his bed and opened up the unassuming looking volume that was her life.

From the first page, he was riveted. He read as she described her tumultuous childhood. The horrible things she lived through at such a young age. Thinking back to his own childhood he certainly had his share of sorrow but he never was exposed to the things she was describing here. He felt tears well up in his eyes during one particularly horrible experience with which she had described one of her father’s drunken episodes. He knew her childhood had not been ideal but he really had no idea how horrific it had been. His heart broke for her especially after reading this passage about her father when she was quite young and the impact it had on her.

As most small children do, I made excuses for him. How couldn’t I? He was my father. He was all I had. I see now how unbelievable it all is. I was so naïve, so innocent, so forgiving, as children are. But at some point, the tables turned on me and the innocence was gone and that’s when things started to go downhill.

After reading tirelessly for over 2 hours, Harm laid the book down on the bed, open and upside down to keep his place as he was determined to return and read on. As he poured himself a glass of water, so many emotions flooded over him: anger, sorrow, grief. His mind flew back over and over again to the words she had written, the honesty she displayed in her writings.

Harm slowly drank the water and returned to his task. Mac was now describing her teenage years in detail, her loss of innocence, her hanging out with the wrong crowd, her descent into alcoholism. So much of it he had inklings of but he never knew all of the details. Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined the way she had grown up, the things she experienced at too young an age.

She wrote:

Where was my knight in shining armor? When was he going to come and whisk me away from the hell that was my life? He certainly wasn’t around, didn’t actually exist of course. Just a childhood dream of mine gone awry. All I seemed to find were men, many of them boys actually, who were destructive and who took advantage of a ruined little girl who was growing up fast – way too fast. But then I stopped looking for my knight in the shape of a man. Instead, I thought I found him in a bottle.

How Harm wished he had been there for her. Had met her sooner, had been able to shelter her, prevent so many of these sorrows from occurring.

As painful as these were for him to read, it became ever more so emotional for him when he got to the years since they met. It was fascinating to see how she described their meeting, their early working relationship. He was surprised at how difficult it was for him to read about her various relationships with other men. Men he had dismissed or at times disliked immensely. But of course, those relationships were not as real to him as they were to Mac. She was the one truly involved, not him even if sometimes he felt otherwise. She was the one hurt time and time again. And in some cases, it was him doing the hurting.

The pain of reading those passages made his heart swell to full and burst over. He forced himself to ignore his emotions and continue reading. After awhile he came upon this incredible paragraph:

There have only been a few times where Harm and I have kissed. Those times are tucked away into the depths of my soul and I refuse to let them go. I used to daydream of what it would be like to kiss him, really kiss him, not simply the kiss on the dock. And then the very first time it happened it was like no other kiss I had ever received. It was so real, seemingly for both of us, not just me, not one sided. It was incredible, passionate, surprising. But I walked away. I had to. I didn’t know what else to do. It was hard, so very hard, and things were never the same ever again. I couldn’t get past that kiss and it showed so clearly in my actions. To this very day, I remember every small detail. I will go to my grave with that kiss firmly implanted into my very being. It was a defining moment for me in so many ways but then things just never worked out for one reason or another. If it wasn’t him retreating, it was me. We’re both at fault.

Harm couldn’t agree with her more.

By dawn, Harm was coming to the end of the book. Through tired eyes, he read on, pouring over the pages, absorbing every word written. Finally he got to what he thought was the end. But then he turned the page and found an extra, final paragraph, written just before she knocked on his door the night before.

Here I sit outside your apartment, summoning the courage to come in and hand you my life seemingly on a platter within the pages of this book. I’m turning myself over to you as I’ve never done before. And while that frightens me more than you can imagine, it’s also something I know I need to do. It’s time for you to know the truth. The truth about me, my past, my present, and hopefully my future. When I look into the future, I see nothing but the two of us, and if we are so lucky, a few little ones. I can’t live life without you. I’ve tried and I hate it. Harm, if you will, take this book. And with it, you take in all that I was, all that I am, and all that I hope to be. You once remarked “What man really understands a woman?” I hope this book will help you understand a little bit more about this woman. This woman who loves you.

Sitting stunned at what he had just finished, Harm laid the book on his lap. He had never read anything so incredible in his life. He was amazed at what she had accomplished. Could he ever do what she had done? He wasn’t sure. But at that point in time, he was compelled to write something back. To respond to her overwhelming generosity of letting him inside her very soul. Harm picked up his pen and began to write. He was amazed at how quickly and easily he wrote.

When he was finished, he was physically and emotionally exhausted. He closed the book, laid it gently on his nightstand, and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Mac’s Apartment
Georgetown

Sunday morning dawned a day just as beautiful as the day before. Mac slept soundly after returning from Harm’s apartment last night. It took her a while to realize why that was and finally it came to her.

Free.

She was free. She was free of the pain she carried around with her for so long. She was free of hiding her true self deep down inside, never letting in the light of day. And she was free of secretly loving Harm. Her true feeling were out and while she was a bit scared and apprehensive of having him read her journal, she had never felt better or more sure of what she had done.

Mac spent the morning working around her apartment, keeping busy, trying to distract her mind from wandering, wondering if Harm was reading and what he was thinking.

Shortly after noon, she heard a knock on her door. Her heart skipped a beat as she knew it was him. She made her way to the door and opened it up. There he stood, looking at her; simply looking. She blushed a bit and moved aside to let him in.

Like she had the night before at his apartment, he went directly for the couch and sat down, indicating with his eyes for her to join him. Mac sat down beside him and looked directly into his eyes, searching out his face for clues, a suggestion, a hint of what he was thinking, feeling.

Harm picked up the book and opened it to the last page. She looked down at it and saw not only her handwriting but also his. Harm handed her the book silently stating that he wanted her to read what he had wrote. Mac gently took the book from him and read.

Mac, thank you for giving me the opportunity to read this amazing journal, to experience your life through your eyes, and letting me see myself as you do. I am honored and flattered. You were before and are now even more so the most extraordinary person I have ever met. I stayed up all night reading this incredible account of your life. I was amazed at times, I laughed at times (your account of our various plane crashes was hilarious), and I cried at times. I cried for that innocent little girl that grew up in misery and I cried for all of the hurt and disappointment you have experienced. But what affected me most of all was your view of me and our relationship, tumultuous as it’s been over the past several years. It’s strange seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes but it was enlightening and powerful. I now know your story. It’s my turn to tell you mine. I plan to tell you my story as we spend the rest of our lives together. You have stated what your future hopes to be and I envision exactly the same thing for mine. And as I’ve said before, “You have someone who will always love you.” I loved you before, I love you now, and I will love you forever. Harm

Mac looked up at him, tears streaming from her eyes and said, “And you have somebody who loves you.” And just as the last time they both uttered those words, they were drawn to each other but this time was different. There was nothing pulling them apart. There were no other forces keeping them separate, keeping them from loving each other.

Epilogue

In the middle of the night as Harm lay sleeping soundly at her side, Mac awoke. She replayed the last few weeks over and over in her mind. She especially replayed the past several hours. She had never felt so happy and settled in her entire life. Things were finally falling into place just as she had always dreamed they would. She finally found that elusive knight in shining armor.

Cautiously, Mac leaned over so she could fully study his face, marveling in the sight of him, rejoicing and slightly disbelieving at what she saw. She reached over and gently laid her hand on his cheek. Her touch roused him from sleep.

“Mac?” He felt as though she were looking at him as though he were a ghost. “What are you doing?”

Mac quickly and truthfully replied, “Making sure it’s you.”

Harm held his arms out and pulled her into his embrace. “Don’t worry. It’s me. It always will be.”