Author: TR
Subject: HBX January 2008 Challenge. FF: Instant Pain Relief

This is in response to the HBX January 2008 challenge. It’s set after Mac sees Alicia at Harm’s apartment, but for the purposes of this story didn’t have time to see Dr. McCool that same day.

I’m writing this on my break at work. I hope it’s coherent.

Sorry for the crappy title. I couldn't think of anything else as I had to get back to work.

I don’t own JAG, but if I did I would set up a website for the fans to take a poll on what the extras should be on the DVD sets as they are released.


Instant Pain Relief
By TR
Rated Mild


He knew her face, better than he knew anyone or anything else; better than he knew his own. She looked down, he thought. Sad. Tired. Tired and…resigned? He’d watched her all day. Walking between her office, the copy room, the break room, back again. Her steps sluggish, her shoulders slumped as if whatever was weighing on her heart also weighed on her body. She kept her eyes cast down, but he could bet that if he was able to look into the warm chocolate of them, he’d see the soul of a weary and troubled woman.

Something twisted in his gut. Something deep and elemental. His heart went out to her. Arms ached to hold her. He felt a tingle on his shoulder, in the place, her place where no one else had quite fit as perfectly. He stared down at the stack of files on his desk and back up to where she’d stood stalling, staring out into space at the entrance of her office. Worry won out over workload, as he watched her reach around and knead the muscles of her lower back. Wincing as she did so.

She shouldn’t be hurting, inside or out, the man that he was, the part of him that loved her, every part of him, wouldn’t allow it. Not if he could take it away.

It wasn’t the Aviator, or the Lawyer, or the friend that got to his feet and headed toward her, but the Knight in crinkled armor. She’d moved from the doorway and was now sitting behind a mountain of files at her desk, head in her hands.

He led with heart and instinct alone. It didn’t occur to him to do otherwise. “Hi Mac.”

His warm voice had her shivering even as she looked up in surprise. “Hi,” she said softly, not bothering to hide her fatigue.

“You okay?” He moved closer, put a hip on her desk. “’cause you don’t look okay.”

“Why do you say that?”

He raised a finger, swept the line from her cheek to jaw. “I know you.”

She shrugged. Looked away. “I’m okay.”

He nodded, accepted her answer, didn’t push. “Good. Then, I’m wondering if you could do me a favor.”

She scrubbed her hands over her eyes. “Um…sure.”

“I have a twinge, an ache really, in my shoulder.”

She frowned. “What’s wrong with it?”

A spark leapt to his eyes. Equal parts longing and comfort. “It’s empty,” he said, and patting that place between his chest and his shoulder, the place that belonged to only her, he held out his arms.

She stood gingerly. Before she had time to think. Too tired to fight him. And his arms came around her as much for support as comfort. He sighed when she tucked herself in to the curve of his shoulder, pressed the crown of her head to the hollow of his neck.

“Thanks, I needed this,” He whispered in her ear.

“You okay?” She asked.

“I am now. But you’re not are you? You’re hurting,” he murmured softly.

She nodded.

“Here.” His hand, large and warm, rested on the small of her back. “And here.” He brought the same hand up to press over her heart. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing you can do about it.” She said into his shirt.

“Maybe not about your back, though I’m going to get the heating pad for you in a year or two when I finally let you go. But I can do something about this.” He tapped a finger over her heart. “I haven’t talked to you since you came to my place.”

He felt the pain well up inside her, but she remained silent.

“I’m sorry Mac. I’m sorry I didn’t tell her to go, and focus on you. I asked you to wait, you said you’d call. When you didn’t wait, when you never called…” He sighed. “I knew why I’d been told that I’m not very good at relationships.” He pulled her closer, rested his cheek on her hair. “You feel so good like this Mac. No one fits against me like you do.” He raised her hand and put it over his heart. “There’s no one in here but you.” He paused. Let his declaration have a moment of it’s own. “I’m sorry.”

He waited, for her to process his words. Feel them as he’d meant them. Her voice was small. Laced with pain both physical and otherwise. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, I thought you didn’t…I wasn’t going to be near you again until I could accept that you’d moved on.”

He shook his head. “I’ve been told I don’t like to let people in, but you came in and took your place in my life, in my head, in my heart long before I had the least notion to let you. That scared me for a long time Mac, but not anymore. I’ll never move on. What I said at the Dining Out still stands.” His hand moved low, rested over her womb. “Forget the babies for a moment, I should have been clearer then. Whatever happens, babies, no babies, careers, marriage, whatever, I just want it to happen between the two of us.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was shaky, and the way she was leaning on him screamed of relief.

“Now,” he said. “I’m not arrogant enough to believe that seeing Alicia at my place is the only thing that’s twisting you up.”

“It’s not. Though you did quite a bit of untwisting in the last few minutes.”

“There’s more?”

She nodded. He felt her swallow. Tremble just the slightest bit. “I saw the doctor today. She ran more tests. Which is why I’m crampy now. I uh…I have less than 5% chance of ever having a child.”

His breath left him in a whoosh. “I’m sorry Mac. I had hoped, after we’d done the research, the things that we tried…”

“Me too. I’d hoped that the Endometriosis would clear up, but it’s compromised…everything.”

His hand ran the length of her back, and up again, soothing. “Not everything. You still have me. Such as I am.”

“You’re a lot. And more than I thought I had when I came to work this morning.”

“You’re more than I thought I’d ever have, and yet you refuse to give up on me. We all have our blessings to bear.”

That made her smile.

His hands moved to her sides, pulled back. “While I hate to let go of you, you’re not doing well. Sit. And I’ll get the heating pad.” He helped her lower down into her chair. “Wait here tough Marine, and we’ll get you in top shape. Then we’ll work out together our strategy for getting a second, a third, if needed, opinion on your condition if that’s what you want. If not…well it’s up to you.”

“I’ll let you know.”

He gave her a small smile. “Fair enough.”

He turned and looked back at her on his way to getting the heating pad, and gave her a warm smile. She was going to be okay. He was going to take the weariness from her eyes if it was the last thing he did. Lord knows she’d done that for him more than enough times, it was time he returned the favor.

At that thought he grabbed the heating pad, the research papers he’d printed, and just for the fun of it, a ring catalog. He might as well know what kind of ring she preferred, if he was going to convince her to marry him before the year was over.

End of scene. Good? Bad?