Author: Jaggie 107
Subject: Letting Him In - HBX Challenge/January 2008

HBX CHALLENGE – JANUARY 2008
Renee: You're not very good at relationships, are you?
Harm: Why do you say that?
Renee: Because you don't like to let people in.
(Promises)

LETTING HIM IN

Lt Cdr McCool’s Office, Bethesda

Mac glanced around the reception room while she waited for her appointment time. Nothing had changed in the few months since she had last been to see Dr McCool, and it was reassuring to think that some things had stayed the same. If only she could say the same about her life! As she pondered just what it was she was searching for her name was called. Mac rose to her feet and followed the receptionist into the inner office.

“Colonel Mackenzie, it’s a pleasure to see you again, although I was surprised to see your name on my appointment list for today. Is this for something new, or do you want to revisit our discussions from before?”

“Something…new,” Mac answered hesitantly, and then blurted out quickly. “Harm.”

“Harm? Commander Rabb?”

Mac nodded her mutely, her eyes as round as saucers. Dr McCool paused before she spoke again. In the few seconds delay Mac got to her feet.

“You’re leaving already?”

“I…it was a silly idea…I mean, I know what I need to do…I just…” Mac paused in mid-rant, then took a deep breath, released it, and continued in a more controlled voice. “Commander Rabb and I, we…um…we’re getting on better.”

“I’m pleased to hear that. Things were…strained between you the last time we discussed the Commander. Is he more involved in your life now?”

“If by involved you mean ‘sleeping together’, the answer is no. But we are heading that way, at least I think Harm thinks we are. I’m just…I’m not that sure.”

“Not sure that you want involvement with him, or not sure if he wants it?”

“Both, I guess.” Mac faltered, and Dr McCool stepped in, making a statement that was also a question.

“You’re not very good at relationships, are you?”

“What makes you say that?” It was a knee-jerk reaction from Mac, and then she laughed derisively. “Forget I said that. Given our previous conversations you know exactly how badly my relationships have ended.”

“I know what you told me. But have your relationships failed through the inadequacies of your partners, or because you don’t like to let people in?”

Mac looked directly at Dr McCool, and then away. Her first thought was to refute the doctor’s statement, but then she thought of the men in her life. From Chris Ragle to John Farrow, to Dalton Lowne and to Mic. They had all taken from her, all wanted something for themselves and although she had ended most of the relationships herself none of them had come back to her, for her. Even Clayton had stayed away from her since the time she had walked away from him at Manderley, the Webb’s oceanfront family residence.

Mac suddenly sat up straighter in her chair, her breath drawn in and released in a gasp as she realized that the one man in her life who had ‘been there’ for her, no matter what, without judgment, had been Harm. And the reason they weren’t totally committed now was because of her reluctance to believe in them as a couple. Often she had accused Harm of not being able to commit, but when she really looked at herself, she realized that she hadn’t been totally honest with him; she wanted the whole nine yards, the picket fence, the four percent, but she only wanted it with Harm.

Returning her gaze to the woman sat opposite her, Mac smiled for the first time since she had entered the office.

“You’re right. I haven’t let Harm in, not really. We got close to something a few years ago, but he said ‘not yet’, and what I heard was ‘no’, so I went to someone else. I was too scared of being alone to wait for him.”

“And now?”

“Now I think I ought to apologize to my best friend and let him into my life. Thank you for your time, Commander.”

“My pleasure. Will I be seeing you here again?” Dr McCool rose to her feet along with Mac who put out her hand in farewell, shaking her head at the same time.

“I don’t think so, but thank you so much for your time in the past, and today. I know I wasn’t always the easiest patient,” Mac paused, and the two women shared a smile at the memories of Mac’s past attendances before coming back to the present.

As Mac left the office, Dr McCool grinned, giving herself a proverbial ‘pat on the back’ as she pressed the call button for her next patient.

Later - Mac’s Apartment

Mac heard Harm’s footsteps approaching her door and she stepped out of her apartment to greet him. As she hugged him tightly, a gesture he returned willingly, he looked down at her as she pulled her door closed, so they were both in the corridor and her door was locked.

“I hope you’ve got your key handy, Marine; remember you changed your locks recently. My key doesn’t fit any more.” Harm waited for Mac’s response, unsure as to why she had come outside her apartment instead of just opening the door to him.

Mac nodded, smiling shyly before turning to push her key into the lock and to open her door again. Harm was still unsure of the significance of the little act, and he voiced his confusion.

“Mac, what’s going on?”

Mac pushed open her front door, and turned to face him as she walked backwards into the entrance hall. Taking his hand in hers, Mac pulled Harm toward her, speaking as she did so.

“I’m letting you into my home, Harm. Into my life…” As soon as the words left Mac’s lips, Harm felt their impact.

“You’re sure about this?” He had to ask; it was in his nature. Even so, both knew that they were taking a momentous step forward, and there would be no going back.

“I’m sure,” Mac murmured, raising her face to Harm, her lips scant inches away. He grinned at the very moment their lips touched.

“No going back…”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Harm cupped Mac’s face in his hands, brushing her cheeks gently with his thumbs as he took in her features. Sparkling eyes, heightened color, full lips.

“I love you, Sarah,” he whispered against her skin.

And then he kissed her…

The End

AN - This was written quite quickly (less than an hour!) but the words just flowed once I saw the challenge lines. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing the story.