Worth It
By TR
Rated Mild


Harm walked into Mac's office carrying a box in each hand. "Wow I was going to offer these to you, but I see you don't need them," he said, surveying the bare walls and shelves.

She looked up from taping the flaps on the final box. "Yeah, I've been here nine years, I thought I'd have more to show for it."

"Yeah, I..uh...this looks..."

"I know," she said. "...weird."

"The desk looks startled."

"Tell me about it." She brushed her hands together and put down the roll of packing tape. "I guess it's done then," she said, then turned to look out the window.

"You okay?"

She shrugged. "It's a big thing you know. Moving on after all this time. I know it's almost unheard of for an officer to stay in one place for nine years, but..."

He set the boxes aside. "I know. It's hard to walk away from a...place that you've loved for so long."

She shook her head, as she heard the hitch in his voice. Wondering for the millionth time if it was just the place he was talking about, or if he actually had loved her for that long. If he still loved her. "There was a time when I hated it here. When you were gone. Both times. I...I just hated it. And now, it's happening again. Only this time we're both going, and it's so much further away." She shrugged, trying to shake it off. "I guess I just have to deal with it. Nothing stays the same."

"And somethings never change no matter how much we try to fight them."

She turned to face him, her lips parting as his words sunk in.

He stepped closer, and put a warm hand on her arm. "Mac I've just been waiting."

"For what? You said we need to deal with our separation, and then didn't say another word about it, even when you came to my apartment. What are you waiting for?"

"For you to say you want me too."

Ten different protests flared up and died in her throat. She could fight with him, try to prove her side as she always did. Ask why she was the one to have to say it. She could lay blame, where it was due. But all that would do is serve to separate them further. Fighting might drive home a point, but it wouldn't make him hers.

"What if I do? What if I want you so badly that every part of me aches? What if moving away from you, is killing me inside? Then what? I won't ask you to resign to be with me. You won't ask me to resign either. How does this work?

"That depends on what you want? I can't tell you the solution, unless I know what you want the outcome to be."

"Why only what I want? Why not what you want too?"

"Because you already know that I want you. You've known that for a long time."

She nodded. "At least for six months," She whispered to herself, then met his eyes, "And all the complications that came with knowing that?"

"All past."

"All of it?"

"All of it. Mac if you think it's going to be too much. If you don't think we have it in us to make it work, then tell me now. Even then I won't regret a minute of the time I've spent with you. I'm so glad you're here. So glad that you were my partner. You've changed my life. I'll never forget that Mac. Even if this is the last time we'll see each other."

Tears stung her eyes. "Stop it. Don't you dare...this isn't the end! I'm not ready to end it!"

"Hey," he said softly, pulling her close. "We'll make it work."

"How?" she asked, leaning back to look him in the eye.

"I'll resign."

She pulled away. "NO! You just made Captain, it's what you always wanted."

"You're what I've always wanted. I never expected to make it to Captain. Yes I'm thrilled with the promotion, but I'll be damned if it's worth losing you."

"How can you give up your life's work for me, and expect neither of us to have guilt or resentment? I don't want either of us to be responsible for that."

"Would you rather we be responsible for losing each other? How can you expect me to take a job that takes me away from you without guilt and resentment?"

She threw her hands up. "I don't know Harm. This is why I didn't tell you I want you. I don't know the answer."

"Okay, here's a better answer. I don't want to be JAG. I've never wanted to be JAG. Why should I fill the stepping stone slot, if I don't even want the job?"

"Why don't you want the job?"

He smirked. "Come on Mac, I've got to be part of the action. You know me. Besides, I've already got my 20 years in, that's way further than I ever expected to go as a pilot."

"You've given this a lot of thought."

"I've been rehearsing for this very conversation." He ran a hand through his hair. "Look I can give you a dozen practical reasons why I should go with you to San Diego." He splayed his fingers, ticking off each point. "You only have a few more years until your twenty years are up and you can get your pension. All of my family is there. It's my childhood home. Mattie will be closer to her father if he ever gets his act together. I can more easily oversee her care if I'm not working all the time. You would have a very difficult time getting a work permit in London. All that's for me there is a job I don't care to have, even if I'm flattered by the boost in rank." He paused, taking a breath. "I could tell you all those things Mac, but they aren't the reasons I want to go with you." He lifted her hand and rested it against his heart. "I want to go, because I want you. I love you, plain and simple. I'll do whatever I need to do."

"But what if I wanted to be the one to make the grand gesture this time? What if I wanted to give you all the reasons why I should go with you instead?"

"And what might those be?"

"I love you, and I want to be where you are regardless of the money and career."

His face softened. "The Marine corp has been your life. To know that you would give it up for me is humbling to say the least. But you don't have to. You can still be with me, and have everything you want."

She frowned. "And what will you have?"

He laughed. "Sunshine for one. I'll have a chance to branch out on a different career path. I'll have my family close by." He sighed. "I'll have you."

She shook her head. "You're just trying to make it easy for me."

"Yes I am. You've had it rough for far too long. It's time something is easier for you. You know how I obsess Mac. If you resigned for me, I wouldn't be able to let it go. I can't ask you to get out before your 20 years, and lose that much financial security. Not when I've got it already guaranteed to me."

"Don't you get it? I don't care about the money. I just want you to be happy." She paused, working up the courage to voice her fears. "I just don't want you to make a permanent decision because of me, and find out that you can't get past the repercussions of that decision. Harm I don't want you to wake up one morning and realize that you gave up more than you can handle."

"You're worth it Mac."

"Harm..."

"You're worth it," he said emphatically. "I wouldn't have resigned the first time if you weren't worth it. You're worth it and more. If only because you're standing here trying to convince me that I'm worth it too. If I ever wondered if you felt the same for me as I do for you, it's been answered right now."

Warmth flooded her eyes. "You are worth it. You always have been. I would always have risked it with you, if I thought we could make it work, I told you that on the night of my engagement party. I'm willing to risk it." She took a deep breath. "If you're sure. If you're absolutely sure that you're not going to be unhappy with this, then...I've got no arguments left."

He grinned. "Consider it my last successful closing argument."

"I still don't like it."

"You'll learn to."

"I hope so. What do you think Cresswell will say?"

Harm laughed. "I think he'll say he just won $5000.00."

Her eyebrows rose to hair line. "What?"

"The betting pool. I checked with Coates and he put a large chunk of money in the betting pool, right before he announced our separate billets."

She clucked her tongue. "There's got to be something illegal about that."

"I'm sure there is. But who's going to tell?"

"Not me." She said, drawing him close. "I've got better things to do."

The naked walls blurred around them, as they came together. Their voices mingled in appreciation as their lips pushed and retreated. Took a gentle taste, then hungrily dove in for more. Hands laced through hair, and caressed down sides. They couldn't get enough. Insistently pushing higher, always demanding more, until their hands worked their way to the clasps of their clothing. Only then did they pull apart. The basic rules of propriety the only thing stopping them from consummating their nine year courtship on the bare smooth surface of the now astonished desk.

One look was all it took to communicate intentions. "My place. It's closer," Mac panted.

"Right," he agreed.

And they were out the door, in a second flat.