Author: Cece
Subject:
July 2007 Challenge. "If we could turn back time"
July
2007 HBX Challenge
Title: If we could turn back
time
Author: Cece
The usual disclaimers. JAG and
its characters do not belong to me.
Rating:SUF (Sappy
Unrealistic Fluff).
A/N. Please bear with me if the military
or legal references, don’t quite make sense. Also, the route
and travel time from San Diego to Santa Barbara may not be exactly
right. Hey, I made this story up. What do you expect....LOL.
Also,
the chronology goes back and forth, and might be a bit confusing. So
I’ve inserted places and
dates.
___________________________________________________________
I
loved the outcome in FWAFS. But what would have happened if Harm and
Mac had not been able to resolve their career problems, and gone
their separate ways?
If We Could Turn Back Time
San
Diego, Friday morning, mid September, 2005.
The drive from San
Diego to Santa Barbara should take her about six hours -- at least
according to MapQuest. Mac adjusted her seatbelt, and settled back
for the drive. She smiled a little at the way she'd succeeded in
ridding herself of her compulsive need to know exactly how far and
how long her trip would take. She'd changed in the last four months,
part of her conscious desire to separate her former life in DC, from
her new life in San Diego. She was more relaxed here, and had
achieved something close to contentment. At least, she thought it was
contentment -- she didn't really have time to analyse it. And she
made sure that she never had enough time to think about the
past, and all the memories, particularly her memories of Harm.
This
was the first time Mac had taken any leave since arriving in San
Diego four months earlier. Her days were taken up with new schedules,
new staff, and new responsibilities. She missed the court room and
missed investigating cases, but she had quickly refocused her
energies on the new work at hand. That way she could keep her mind
off what might have been. What might have been? Married to the man
she loved? Living in London as a civilian? Maybe having children? She
remembered telling Harm that what she wanted was a good man, a good
career, and lots of comfortable shoes. Well she had the career, and
the shoes. As for Harm, she tried to stop the memories of him from
constantly jumping into her mind, and sometimes, she succeeded. Well
she was going to have to try harder, because she was looking forward
to this trip, and thoughts of Harmon Rabb were anything but
relaxing.
Mac could feel the daily tension begin to lift, as
she made her way onto the I-5. She increased speed, reveling in the
feel of the fresh September morning and the wind blowing through her
uncovered hair. She needed this break. She needed the time to think,
to be alone, and reassess her life with the career path she had
chosen. It had served her well to bury herself in her work, but now
she needed to get a hold of her future, and leave the past in
the past where it belonged.
Once again, she felt grateful to
her friend, Fiona, who had called her only last week asking for a
favour. Fiona had resigned her own commission in the Navy a few years
ago, so that she and her husband, Lt. Commander Harry Raglan, could
start a family. Now they had a two year old boy, and Fiona was
pregnant again. With Harry due to go back to the Patrick Henry, they
wanted to take little James to see his grandparents in Santa Rosa for
a few days. But they needed someone to look after their old yellow
lab, two cats, and a hamster, while they were away. The first person
Fiona thought of was Mac.
“Come up Sarah. You told me
you needed to get away, and you'll have the place to
yourself....well, apart from the menagerie. Besides, we have a beach
that is almost always deserted, and you'll be doing us a huge
favour.”
Fiona could be persuasive, and Mac didn't need
to be asked twice. She loved Santa Barbara, and she liked the thought
of helping out a friend. She looked forward to spending an evening
with Fiona and Harry, and seeing little James for the first time.
Mac didn't know Harry very well, but she remembered he'd been
a friend of Harm's since the academy days. He and Fiona had been
married for a decade, and life had often been hard for them. Yet they
always seemed like a couple in love, determined to use every
opportunity to appreciate life. Mac wondered to herself, “When
do they have the time to be happy?” But she already knew the
answer. “They don't have to find time. They just are.” If
only she and Harm had that. Mac renewed her resolve not to bring up
the subject of Harm, and hoped that Fiona and Harry wouldn't
either.
She sighed. If Harm's name came up, she'd try to
change the subject, but right now it was too late for her thoughts.
Harm had invaded her mind again. It was inevitable, she supposed. The
car trip was going to be taking a few more hours, and there was
nothing else to distract her. There was no longer anything to stop
her thoughts. No work to divert her attentions from her past. The
short vacation was already proving to be a mixed blessing, because
now there was nothing to stop her from reliving that night in
DC....the last time she'd seen
Harm.
----------------------------------------------------
North
of Union Station, May 2005
Mac recalled every moment. From the
time the General had given them their new orders, she and Harm had
successfully avoided the topic of their pending separation. She had
finally gone over to his apartment the night before they were to
leave for their respective postings. He was packing the last few
things, liberally using the packing tape on half a dozen
cartons.
“Let's talk about you and me,” she said,
both nervous and hopeful of Harm’s response.
Harm had looked
away, “Mac.....neither one of us.....” She hadn't let him
finish, fearing that he would shelve the talk again, this time for
good. But somehow, their conversation turned in the way she wanted.
Harm admitted that he would never feel the same about anyone else,
that he wanted her, and that all he had needed was a deadline. Then
they kissed and he suggested that they get married. Mac was amazed
that after all these years, Harm hadn't given up hope for the two of
them to work it out.
The kiss was everything Mac had dreamed
if would be – intense and passionate, gentle, yet promising so
much. For that short moment, she had experienced perfect
happiness.
So how did it all go so wrong? She thought she
knew. He told her he loved her, but there was a caveat. Was it
possible that after overcoming all the hurdles, neither one of them
was willing to give up a Navy career for the other? Could it really
be that he hadn't loved her enough? Could it really be that she
hadn't loved him enough? Did their jobs and their egos really
mean more to them than a lifetime together?
Since that night,
Mac had pushed these tormenting questions out of her mind. But now,
she recalled with pain, that moment when they had come to another
stalemate. Their discussion went nowhere, and barely able to speak
through the tears, she had left Harm's apartment. He didn't try to
stop her. The next day, she flew to California to start her new
life.
---------------------------------------------
Southern
California, Friday noon, mid September 2005
Mac made the turn
towards the 405 with barely any consciousness of doing so. She was
now running on her internal auto pilot, as the unending memories and
questions began to take over.
Yes, she thought, it was the
right thing to do. Perhaps neither of them was destined to spend a
life of married bliss. She was happy in her new position; wasn't she?
There was no more second guessing herself, no more useless arguments,
no more jealousy at seeing other women in Harm’s life.
And
she had found a way to stop other men from making any overtures
towards her. On the job, she adopted a stern demeanor, very much the
Commanding officer. So far it had worked, and she hadn't had so much
as a dinner date since leaving DC.
Yes, she was happy,
contented, and fulfilled with her work. She tried to convince herself
she was really happy. She would never marry, and she didn't
care any more. Her life was on the right track, right where she'd
always wanted it to be. Maybe one day, she'd make it to become the
first woman JAG. Meanwhile, life was good in San Diego, and now, here
she was, on her way to Santa Barbara to kick back in the sand and
sun. And precious solitude!
The car sped on, past Huntingdon
Beach, Long Beach, Hermosa, turning off at the PCH. When she reached
Malibu she pulled into Duke's for coffee and a bite to eat, but
first, she gave herself a mental pep-talk. “Pull yourself
together, Mackenzie. Don't wreck this vacation thinking about the
past. It's over and done with. Get over yourself and get over Harm!”
She went into the restaurant with renewed determination. She laughed
and joked with a cute young waiter, enjoying the fact that he didn't
know she was a Marine Colonel. He talked to her with respect and
friendliness, but without any tiresome, military deference.
To
an observer, Mac looked as if she didn't have a care in the world.
She half believed it herself. She was over Harm long ago. So
over Harm. Of that she was quite sure. Quite certain.
Why
then did she feel so empty and sad?
-----------------------------------------------------
London,
Wednesday morning, 8 am, Late August 2005.
The rain was a
welcome respite from what had been another hot and muggy London
Summer. Harm was used to hot climates, but there was something
oppressive about the heat in this otherwise great city. He climbed
the outdoor, stone stairs to his Chelsea apartment, armed with a
couple of newspapers, a bag of fresh croissants, and a large
Americano. He had a late morning meeting, so there was no rush.
Some
days, he missed JAG HQ and DC. A born seeker of justice, Harm loved
the challenge and drama of the courtroom. It was about the only thing
he loved as much as flying. He wished he could hop in his old yellow
Stearman, and feel the carefree joy that flying brought
him.
Thoughts of the Stearman, made him think of Grace
Aviation and Mattie. He let himself into the apartment and picked up
the phone to call her, before realizing that, for her, it was still
only three am. He missed Mattie very much, but he was happy for her
that her Dad had finally got himself back into rehab, and this time,
seemed determined to stick with it. This was Tom's last chance,
knowing he'd lose Mattie for ever if he screwed up again. Harm sighed
at the thought that everyone he had loved seemed to be moving away
from him.
Even before he'd left DC, the old HQ was gone for
good. Though Sturgis and Bud were still around, the camaraderie that
existed when AJ, Bud, Harriet, Tiner, Gunny, and even Singer, were
all working together, was long gone. And then there was Mac. Mac --
the woman he had been in love with for nine years, or close to
it.
Well any chance of that romance had fizzled in just
a few minutes. This time he thought he had done it right, asking Mac
to marry him -- more accurately, suggesting they get married.
Ok, so Mac had prompted him to propose, and she'd said yes. Well, not
exactly, but she certainly seemed to have accepted. Or was he just
being fooled by the heat of her kisses?
But damn it, they
couldn't get past the importance of their careers? Maybe it was for
the best that Mac wanted her career more than being married to him.
After all, what kind of marriage would they have had? She would have
been resentful of having given up such a great command opportunity
and the chance to prove herself as a leader. Being his wife could
never be enough. Besides, he couldn't have loved her that much
to have let her get away so easily. Was that it? Or was it that he
had loved her too much?
The problem all along had been
that neither of them wanted to give up their egos. Mac had hit the
nail on the head in Paraguay, when she said that they both wanted to
be on top. She was right to perceive that their competitiveness was
unhealthy. It would eventually, have killed their friendship and
their love. He hadn't wanted to believe her at the time, and had
stayed angry with her for months. He wasn’t angry anymore. Who
needed married life anyway?
Besides, Harm was happy in
London. In the small periods of free time he allowed himself, there
was just so much to see and do in this city. He never thought of Mac
– well not much. At least he tried not to think of Mac.
Every time she came to his mind, he would try desperately to push her
memory away –- just like he'd pushed her away. The
afterthought gave him a jolt. He would not start thinking like
that. Right now, he couldn't be happier. And what's more, he liked
being on his own. It made life so uncomplicated...so damn
uncomplicated.
But, despite his resolve to forget her, Harm's
thoughts began to dwell on Mac again, Sometimes he didn't know why he
bothered trying not to think of her. Resistance was futile. Harm gave
a wry smile at his Star Trek reference, thinking he'd been around Bud
too much, but at least it brightened his mood a little. His thoughts
were mercifully curtailed by the timely interruption of the
telephone.
Harm grabbed it, quickly swallowing a chunk of warm
croissant. “Rabb here,” he mumbled through the buttery
flakes. He didn't recognize the voice at first, and the man at the
other end had to repeat himself, raising his voice a few decibels,
“Harm, it's Harry...Harry Raglan. --- Yeah, I’ve got a
bit of leave......Yeah....Santa Barbara.....Yes, she’s good,
over the morning sickness now. We're all fine here. ------ And
you?---- Great. Harm, I need a favour buddy. Do you by any chance
have any leave coming
up?”
--------------------------------------------------
Santa
Barbara, CA, Tuesday 4 pm, Late August 2005.
Commander Harry
Raglan sat in the sand at his beach side home, distractedly making
sand castles for his two year old boy, James. His wife Fiona, was
flopped in an awkward position in a canvas chair, her hands resting
protectively on her rounded belly.
The two were deep in
conversation, with Fiona probing her husband mercilessly for
information, “And then what did he say?”
“I
don't know his exact words, but he said Mac told him she was in love
with Harm. Apparently it slipped out inadvertently.”
“Go
on. What else did he say?”
“Well you know Sturgis.
He's not the kind to gossip, so he didn't like saying much. He felt
he was already betraying a confidence. It's just that he knows that
Harm has been in love with Mac for years, and they were both too bone
headed to do anything about it.”
Fiona listened
silently, but Harry knew that look.
“What devious plot
are you cooking up now? Whatever it is, don't get me
involved.”
“Too late!” she laughed. “How
would you like to take a trip to see your Mom and Dad in Santa Rosa,
before you go back?
”
--------------------------------------------------------
Santa
Barbara, Friday noon, mid September 2005
Mac pulled her car
into the red brick driveway of the Raglan's old Italianate home.
Shade trees created a privacy barrier from the roadway, and past the
side of the house, Mac caught a view of the glittering Pacific
Ocean.
She felt profoundly grateful her friend had offered her
the use of this peaceful haven, needing the time alone to mend her
tattered heart and spirit. It had taken the past four months to build
up a solid denial about her lack of happiness, and only five hours
and twenty five minutes to tear it all down. She felt mentally naked
and vulnerable. But for a few more hours, she would present a
cheerful front for the sake of her friends.
Fiona appeared at
the door immediately. She rushed out, followed by a curly headed
toddler trying valiantly to hang on to an big yellow lab. Fiona
enveloped Mac in a bear hug.
“Oh I'm so glad you came!
You're a life saver!”
Mac hugged her friend back,
expressing her gratefulness. “And who's this?” she asked,
looking down at the child, who was now trying, with some success, to
hide behind the dog.
“Meet James and his long time
companion, Bone-Oh. Bone-Oh is not going to like being left behind,
so I hope you're prepared to make him the centre of attention! He's
likely to sit on top of your head if you don't, – or eat the
hamster!”
Fiona fussed with Mac's small travel bag,
managing to herd her guest, her child and the dog into the house all
at the same time. The baby bump was now quite discernible, and her
face shone with real happiness. Mac pushed down an incipient
bitterness that threatened to surface. She was genuinely happy for
Fiona and Harry, knowing how hard it had been for them to have a
child in the first place. But in her silent thoughts, she wished she
could experience the kind of incandescent happiness she saw in her
friend's face. “Ask yourself Mac,” she thought silently,
“don't you really want that?” The problem was, she
already knew the
answer.
---------------------------------------------------------
LAX,
Hertz Rent-a-Car, Saturday Morning, mid-September 2005
Harm
drove the dark blue Camry out of the Hertz parking lot, glad he'd had
some sleep on the flight from London. He should be in Santa Barbara
in an hour or two, if he was lucky. It felt good to be in California,
and he could really use the time out from work. A part of him wanted
to turn in the opposite direction and head towards San Diego. But
what good would that do? He doubted Mac would want to see him, and it
was better they kept their distance anyway.
For the umpteenth
time, Harm swore he'd stop thinking about Mac, so he turned his mind
to Harry's call. That was certainly unexpected, coming when it did.
Harry and Fiona had already discussed Harm’s guardianship of
their son, should anything unforeseen happen to them. Harry's parents
were in their late seventies, and Fiona's widowed mother was not in
good health. Harry had suggested Harm, knowing that there was no one
he and Fiona trusted more, and Harm had been honoured to accept the
responsibility.
But now, with a second baby on the way, and
Harry preparing to join the already deployed carrier, they wanted to
put their affairs and their wills in order. The legal documents could
be done long distance, but Harry and Fiona wanted to talk to Harm
face to face before all three of them made the final
commitment.
Harm didn't mind the trip. The flight and the
drive, had given him time to think. Was he destined to take
responsibility for other people's children, and never have children
of his own? He had promised Mac that he would raise children with
her. Wasn't that a declaration of love? Wasn't that proof of his
desire to commit to Mac? Why hadn't that been good enough for
her?
Harm looked out at the beautiful Malibu coast line, and
wished he had rented a convertible. He did the next best thing by
opening up the sun roof and the windows, to smell and feel the fresh,
sea air.
How far away London felt. But even more so, how far
away he now felt from DC, and his apartment North of Union Station.
His old life was an eternity away. “Eternity,” he
thought. “That’s what I said to her in Sydney Harbour –
the lights spelling Eternity. She knew then we’d never get
together. She knew it. That’s why she took off with
Brumby.” Harm’s felt the old anger rising. “Why
couldn’t she just wait?”
His mind drifted to the
last time he had seen Mac. He didn't expect her to give up her career
in the Marines. Somehow, he thought that it would work, being married
but in different divisions of JAG. It wasn't until he and Mac were
faced with the reality of two separate careers, did it sink in that
this marriage wouldn't work unless one of them resigned their
commission. And then there it was, the block that they had never
faced openly.
Harm understood how important Mac's career was
to her, particularly as she had had to overcome a very shaky
beginning, and battle her own demons to succeed. But being a career
Naval officer was who Harm was. It was how he had defined
himself, how he'd always seen himself. He was no longer walking in
the shadow of his heroic Naval aviator father. Harm was his own man,
and he wasn't sure he could feel whole doing anything else.
His
stints in the CIA and crop-dusting, told him that. But did Mac
understand, and was it fair to expect her to give up her career for
him? His reason told him that love was not enough. So why did his
heart tell him otherwise?
His thoughts made him oblivious to
the trip, and he was surprised when the Santa Barbara city limits
came so soon. He stopped at a small, corner café, for coffee
and a sandwich, and called Harry has planned. Harm knew that Harry
and Fiona were on their way to Santa Rosa for a few days, and he
would be staying in a little beach cabin near their home until they
got back. They planned to discuss the guardianship when they
returned.
Harry was going to give Harm the keys, and then take
off North to Sonoma County with the family. Harm would be left alone
to spend these few days unwinding on the beach. He couldn't wait to
relax away from it all. If he could just get his thoughts focused on
the future he had, and not on a future that had never
materialized.
The cabin was a few hundred feet from the
Raglans' house, obscured from sight by a jutting rock and sand dunes.
Harm drove past the house, not noticing as he passed, the red
convertible partially hidden by the shade trees.
When the
cabin came into sight, he saw Fiona first, sitting in the passenger
seat of their family sedan, with her legs stretched out of the open
door. Although happy to see him, Fiona and Harry were eager to get
going, knowing the limited patience of their busy two year old. So
after the hugs and chatter, they were soon on their way.
Harm
waived to his friends and went into the cabin. “Ah, solitude,
finally.” But solitude in this perfect setting, made his
longing for Mac more acute. Whatever he had expected to feel, he had
not expected to feel this -- so utterly alone -- and so utterly
miserable.
---------------------------------------------------------
Heading
North out of Santa Barbara, Saturday 1:30 pm, Mid September.
“Do
you think we did the right thing?” Fiona asked. “Maybe
you were right about us being interfering and manipulative.”
Her
husband maneuvered the sedan onto the freeway, “Hey, don’t
blame me for any of this. Look, don’t worry about it. You’ve
got a big heart. And how could they be angry at a pregnant woman and
a guy about to be sent back to a carrier?”
“You’re
right Harry. I just hope it works. If it doesn’t, we might have
lost ourselves two good friends.”
“Oh just blame
it on your hormones. It’ll work. It did for us, didn’t
it?” Harry grinned reassuringly, and Fiona leaned back in her
seat, thinking she must have been a match-maker in a former life.
The car continued in its hasty escape to points
North.
--------------------------------------------------------
Santa
Barbara, Friday evening, Saturday morning, mid-September
2005
Despite herself, Mac enjoyed the evening, and after Fiona
had gone to bed, she managed to get up the courage to ask Harry about
Harm. She wasn't certain if she was disappointed or relieved when
Harry didn't seem forthcoming with an update.
“You know
Harm, Mac, he always seems to make out ok. As far as I know, he's
settled into the London scene, whatever that is.”
Harry
gave a strangely self-conscious laugh, and Mac nodded her head. She
knew Harm alright. More to the point, she knew the women who would be
interested in him, and if that wasn't half of the women in London,
she'd be most surprised.
The house was a little chaotic the
next morning, with James having a melt down, and the dog running
around, puzzled at the commotion. Finally, the family piled into the
car, and Mac watched her friends drive away, while she kept a tight
hold of Bone-Oh's collar.
She went back into the house,
grabbed her ipod, a half-read Nelson DeMille book, and a large cool
glass of lemonade, and headed for the canvas chair on the beach. It
might have been an omen, when Mac shivered a little in her thin,
cotton sun dress. But she wasn't going to look at it that way. The
cloudless blue skies and golden sun, would soon warm her up, at least
on the outside, and she was determined to start her life afresh from
this point. She would force herself to get over Harm once and for
all.
Two hours later, the ice had melted in the lemonade, the
ipod lay silent on the little wooden table, and the book remained
unopened in her lap. Mac's mind was 5,489 miles away in London,
wishing she had made different decisions. Given the chance to do it
all over again, she would have made it clear to Harm, she wanted
to resign her commission and become his wife. Because that was the
truth and always had been. Mac noticed that her habitual, obsessive
insistence on exact numbers, was back. Obviously, her life-changes
needed some fine tuning.
“Come on, Bone-Oh, let's go for
a walk.” The old dog's ear perked up, and he waddled after Mac
as they set off down the beach. The two new pals, wondered along the
water's edge, aimlessly for most of the afternoon. It was only when
Mac noticed the lowering sun, and the slight pink streaks in the sky,
that she realized it was getting late. But so what? It was delicious
not having to worry about time.
The smell of the sand and
ocean, the soporific sounds of the white foamed waves, and the
glorious backdrop of the evening sky, made Mac long for someone to
share the experience. This was a place for lovers. She closed her
eyes and imagined Harm's arms around her, imagined the feel of his
skin, imagined his mouth against hers. But the acute pain of his
absence, jolted Mac out of her dreams, and drew her back to the past
with all her regrets.
If only Harm had actually asked
her to marry him, rather than making it seem like marriage was a
fall-back option. She was willing, though he'd never know that. The
problem was, Harm just hadn't wanted it enough. Mac sighed. Her
thoughts were just going round in endless circles.
She was
startled out of her reverie at Bone-Oh's sharp barking. “Now
what?” she thought, looking ahead to see what was bothering the
old dog. There had been a few people on the beach during the day, but
now it was deserted except for a lone figure walking along the
foaming surf. The man’s tall frame formed a silhouette against
the orange sky. Mac couldn’t see his face, but she knew him.
She saw him every night in her dreams. She saw him in all her waking
thoughts. She would know him anywhere.
Her heart stopped, and
then began to beat wildly. She didn't even question what Harm was
doing so far from London, here on the same beach as herself. She just
felt rooted to the ground, unable to move.
On a sensory
level, she took in the washed out blue jeans, the open white shirt,
and the bare feet, and wondered how the sight of him always made her
breathless.
Harm didn’t see her until Bone-Oh ran up to
him and snuffled at his jeans. He looked up then and stopped in his
tracks. For one sublime moment, time froze. They stared at each other
across the expanse of beach, unable to believe their eyes. At first,
Mac thought she must be hallucinating. Her heart beat so fast, so
felt she couldn't stand. And then suddenly, they were running towards
each other, oblivious to their surroundings, oblivious to the sea and
sky around them.
He caught her in his arms, pulling her body
into his until she could hardly breath. He lifted her up and she
wrapped herself around him, feeling him tangle her hair in his hands.
He pulled her face down to his, and they fell to their knees in the
soft sand. The electric shock that ran through her when Harm's mouth
crushed down on hers, drew Mac down into a vortex of pleasure. Her
blood drained from her body, and then rushed just as hot and fast,
back up to her face.
They asked no questions. They simply
allowed their bodies to move together, to taste, to feel, to revel in
each other. His kisses were hungry and hot, almost devouring her
mouth as if he couldn't get enough. And she answered him kiss for
kiss.
It took a very large, sandy dog, to break the moment, as
Bone-Oh decided to shake his ample wet fur all over them. Harm and
Mac pulled apart, still keeping their eyes locked. “That dog
must be called Sturgis,” Harm muttered, and they both laughed
self-consciously. The dog sloped off, and lay down in the sand,
resigned to the fact he was being ignored.
Harm and Mac clung
to each other, overwhelmed with sensations, tasting of sand and salt
sea air. They touched in a wonderment of discovery, on the arms, on
the face, on the mouth...feeling, sensing, loving. And their kisses
deepened.
Mac felt the longing for Harm, well up to a fever
pitch inside her, but this time, she knew she would not have to wait
much longer. Then Harm broke the silence, “Mac, I’ve
missed you, I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered the
words, his open mouth against hers. “I don't know how this
happened, us being here. I don't even care. I am totally, endlessly,
madly, in love with you and I always have been. So please,
marry me. Come with me. I want you with me wherever I go. Marry me
now....no more talk, no more waiting. I don't...I know I
shouldn't ask this of you, but.....”
Mac put her finger
up to his mouth, stopping his speech. “Shhhh,” she
whispered, before gently kissing his lips. And then pulling away
slightly, she tenderly stroked the face she had missed so much.
“Harm, you are not asking any sacrifice of me. Please don't
think that. My career came to me almost by accident. It was what I
needed at a time when my life was in a free fall..... No....please
let me finish...please let me say this.”
Harm was
finding it hard to keep from kissing her. But he capitulated and
said, “Ok, Mac...I'm sorry...I'm listening.”
“Look
Harm, I've had a lot of time to think about this. I know how much the
Navy means to you, how much flying and JAG mean to you. This is who
you are. It's your essence. This is the man I love....the
Naval aviator and passionate fighter for justice.” Mac voiced
teased Harm a little, before becoming serious again.
“I'm
not poking fun. I'm not being sarcastic.....” He couldn't
resist breaking in with a kiss, but she gently pushed him away.
“Harm, I need to say this....I've needed to say this for four
months...Ok...stop....Ohhh...”
Harm nibbled on her ear
and ran his tongue along the edge of her lips. For a moment, Mac was
immobilized with exquisite pleasure, but again, she resisted, sighing
heavily as she did so.
“Harm I adore you. My career
means nothing to me if I can't have you....YOU, as you are and
nothing less. I must have left my brains on the floor in your
apartment, leaving the way I did. But... but now....Now I've had time
to know what life is like without you in it. I want to be with
you. I want to have your kids if we can. I can be a lawyer at any
time, almost anywhere.......No, Harm don't.... don't interrupt me...”
she sighed and tried to catch her breath again. “I'm on a roll,
and I haven't finished.”
“I've got one more thing
to say....well, two more. I love you Harmon Rabb. I’m crazy
about you. And yes, yes I’ll marry you.”
After
that, they forgot time entirely, and sat together, their arms
entwined, as the orange sun slipped silently below the horizon.
The
End