Author: Staz
Subject: HBX fanfic challenge November 2006: Jealousy

A/N: I know - I’m running late. I swear it was supposed to be finished by the end of November but life (University) sort of got in the way.
This being my first post here, I hope I didn't forget anything... The story is set in the beginning of season 10, hope you like it!

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“Why are you staring at me? Harm... Harm!”
“Huh?” jolted out of his thoughts, Harm’s eyes snapped to find his partners’ twinkling at him. Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie leaned back in her chair, arms resting demurely across her stomach. Her hair was down, framing her face in hazelnut waves and coming to rest just above her collar bone. With every slight movement of her head the edges of the soft strands moved across the bare skin in a barely-there caress. His attention focused on the swaying wisps until a sharp movement along with a vocal beckoning once again broke the haze.
“Again with the staring!” a note of frustration in her voice made him finally shake his head, literally as well as figuratively and return to reality, albeit cautiously.
“You’re out of uniform... right?”
She let out a laugh and he had to work hard not to loose himself in the contours of her face. Her eyebrows raised in a question she quickly voiced. “What’s gotten into you, flyboy? You seem a bit out of it.”
A deep breath washed what remnants of the fog that lingered between his brain cells. “I don’t know... I can’t seem to focus today.” With a sigh, he leaned against her doorway and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I blame it on lack of sleep.”
“Someone keeping you up at nights, sailor?”
Her teasing voice almost made answer honestly. *You have no idea* As it was he simply smirked at her and changed the topic of conversation. “So what are you doing here at these hours, and dressed to impress?” Once again his focus strayed to the details. She wore a casual dress in deep green with a brown shawl to warm her bare shoulders.
“You’d think you’d never seen me in a dress before... I’m going out for dinner with Mic.” She added, knowing he was only half listening. The whole conversation gave Mac a feeling of déjà vu, but she chalked it up to the nervousness bubbling inside her, both because of her plans for that evening and because of the flaming warmth a certain Commander was unknowingly fanning in her body.
If he didn’t know better, Harm would swear his heart had stopped. Did she say Mic? As in Brumby? As in her ex-fiancée and almost husband? He thought that episode was over with the guy’s departure back to the land down under. He must be hearing things. He had to make sure.
“Mic?”
Unable to hold back longer, Mac all but exploded with laughter. Weary but still unsteady, and starting to get really annoyed, Harm waited it out with just a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“God, Harm, that look on your face...” Mac grabbed for a tissue to dab at the moisture around her eyes. It’d been a while since she had laughed so hard. When he failed to respond she realized she had a question to answer.
“Yeah, Mic is in town. He called and asked me out to dinner.”
A painfully acquired external calm glazed over his emotions and he managed to keep his response to a minimum of a raised brow and a wish for a good evening. Before she could comment on his reaction, he grabbed for his cover and left HQ.
He drove home on autopilot, the haze had returned with a vengeance and with a teasing twist. Images of a time he thought he had removed from his memory came back to haunt him.
The baby deal. Mac’s whole affair with Brumby. Sydney Harbor. The engagement. The engagement party. The kiss. The crash. Renee. Mac.
Every time it seemed as though a new chance to get things right presented itself, something got in the way. Things got so messed up. And now, just when things were returning to normal, just when he and Mac were getting closer, Mic was thrown back into the picture. Again, Mac would go to the Aussie to get what Harm couldn’t give her yet, but this time he could! He’d made it clear enough! He’d practically spelled it out and she pushed him away!
Having reached home by some miracle, Harm found himself fidgeting. He picked up his guitar, tried a few chords, then put it away. He puttered around the kitchen for a bit, trying to busy himself with the mundane chores, but his mind just kept churning.
Images of Mac and Mic kissing were tormenting him. Images that had stopped haunting him since the wedding was canceled were returning – Mac walking down the aisle towards Mic, Mac and Mic blissfully happy at home, Mac and Mic’s kids running around the yard.
The sound of a plate crashing to the ground snapped him out of his thoughts. Shaking his head in disgust he bent down to pick up the shattered dish. He was being ridiculous. Mac would never marry Mic. But then, she almost did that time. Would she have? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Would she?
Throwing the shards away with too much force, he whirled around, grabbed for his keys and was out the door with only one thought in mind – to make sure he wouldn’t have to relive his worst nightmare.

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I open the door to a fidgeting Harm, still in uniform.
“Harm?”
Before I can utter another word he’s inside my apartment, looking around as if expecting someone to pop out from behind my couch or something?
“Come on in, why don’t you...” I say to the air outside my apartment and close the door. Leaning back against it I just watch him. He’s oblivious to me and probably the rest of the universe. He’s trying to act nonchalant but he’s already asked three times how Mic is doing and if he isn’t here in my apartment and he’s looking anywhere except at me.
I sigh, contemplating whether I should be happy or annoyed with this jealousy bit.
I had a lovely time with Mic and his current girlfriend, who he’s head over heals for. Mic and I had some time alone when she went to meet a friend and we talked about a lot of things, mainly my life. Every time we talk he tells me to get over myself, “march up to that cocky SOB and kiss his socks off till he can’t see anything but you”. This time when I told him about the latest developments – my health situation and Harm’s attention, he all but slapped me and told me to grab hold of what I’ve got before it’s too late. I cried, I laughed, I thanked him and here I am.
I arrived home just a few minutes ago, planned a nice quiet evening with a lot of thinking and now... now it seems like I’m gonna have to jump right in, sans thinking it through, or Harm will walk out of my life forever.
He’s now rambling. Standing in place, spewing out insane stuff like how he couldn’t believe I’d go back to Mic and that I wouldn’t be happy with Mic and that he’d never be able to attend that wedding, not to mention seeing my daughter and knowing she had my looks and Mic’s brains. I’d scream if I had the energy.
Suddenly he stops mid-rant and looks at me with... is that fear in his expression?
“Did you... Do you... is he your good man, is he the one you need for perfection?”
Still more than a little shocked, I sigh again and shake my head. “Harm, for pete’s sake, you’re blue in the face – take a breath.”
He’s just staring at me, still not breathing.
Gathering my shawl tighter to fight off the chill, I glance upwards and breathe a prayer before finally walking to him and dragging him to the couch. I sink to its welcoming depths but Harm remains standing.
“Sit.” I order, not unkindly, and for once he complies.
“I’m not in love with Mic, Harm.”
It takes a whole of three seconds for his formidable form to deflate. “You aren’t.” it was half statement half question.
“No.” I try to make him see the truth. “He’s a good friend who was in town and happens to know quite a bit about my inner workings and is a good listener.”
Harm actually looked slightly hurt and I stutter a bit but words pour out. “It’s not that I can’t talk to you or that you don’t know me... it’s just... this specific conversation had to be with someone other than you.”
His face conveys his confusion and I take his warm hand into mine, gathering strength for the plunge I must now take.
“I know it doesn’t make sense, I should’ve been able to just come to you, but he was in town and...” It’s a rather slow plunge and his hand is starting to tense in mine. I have to cut to the point. “Harm, I’m yours.”
I hold my breath as I watch the expressions slide across his face. Still he’s confused. I let out my breath in a short nervous laugh.
“I can’t seem to be able to be coherent tonight, huh?”
“I’m listening.” Harm grows serious and I really love him like this - when all his attention in its strong quiet form is on me. He brings his free hand to our joined hands and I can feel the energy flowing from him. I take a few deep breaths in an effort to clear my mind and ease the nerves throughout my body.
My mouth takes a life of its own and starts talking on my behalf without preamble. It tells Harm how I appreciate his unwavering support, it apologizes, it thanks, it explains, it confesses, then it takes another deep breath.
“I think I’m ready now. I’m still picking up the pieces but I’ve finally realized if we keep this up... this waiting for things to be perfect to start something... we’ll both just keep waiting forever. I don’t want that. What I want... is you, Harm.”
For the longest time he just keeps on staring at me. Finally his eyes break away from mine, he looks down. Just as I’m about to open my mouth again, he lifts his hand from mine and almost reverently traces a gentle finger over my collar bone.
My breath shudders and breaks.
“I love you” I whisper, my eyes closed.
His touch stops and my breath catches again. This evening is really playing havoc with my lungs, that’s for sure.
Against heavy objections, my eyelids rise a fraction of an inch but drift shut again when I feel his warm breath against my lips.
He is kissing me and my heart is beating with pure emotion. Slow and long and loving, this kiss is what’s sending the blood rushing through my system now, for my heart has stopped and is melting.
“I love you so much” He finally speaks, his features caressing mine. I can’t help but grin. I would jump for joy if I knew where my limbs were and how to order them around.
My eyes open to find his smile and my grin widens to meet it.
I sigh happily this time as he gathers me closer still.
“So you’re going to let me into your life?” He sounds a bit unsure and I make a note to myself to tease him about this insecurity later on. Then again, didn’t I just apologize for causing this insecurity in the first place? No matter.
“All the way, flyboy. No going back now.”
He lets out a breath of relief. “Thank god.” And I have to chuckle. Life is just weird. When I just started dating Brumby I wished somewhere in the back of my mind that Harm would get jealous and fight for me. Guess I got what I wished for – a million messes later and in a very roundabout way. Well, better late than never!

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The End