Author: doc

'Between a Rock and a Hard Place' -- Part 1c

Part 1c

Mid Morning
Saturday
Early November 2008
On a road, somewhere outside D.C.

Driving along the winding two-lane road in the rural countryside, Harm glanced over at his wife. She was enthralled with the view out the passenger side window. And if he were honest, he was enthralled by her. He marveled at what a difference a year could make. As opposed to her somewhat fragile demeanor of Thanksgiving last, she now appeared strong, content and at ease…in other words, like his beloved Marine of ‘old’. If a year could age you ten, then he’d have to say this past year did the opposite for her. Indeed, she looked ten years younger, and even more beautiful than the day they’d first met.

Eyes back on the twists and bends of the road ahead, he allowed his mind to wander over the past year’s events. To their credit, everyone in the Rabb household had made the necessary concessions to improve their life. He’d had a serious heart-to-heart with Mattie that Thanksgiving morn. As expected, she first tried to pacify him with tears. When that ‘tried-and-true’ technique had failed, she switched to blame. Armed with the facts from Mac, and several early placed phone calls to Mattie’s psychiatrist and physical therapist, Harm refused to be swayed. Anger had erupted next, the likes of which he’d never been a party to at the hand of his young charge. The remainder of the day had been solemn and tense. With the exception of a chilly and silent Thanksgiving meal, he’d ensured a healthy distance between the two women in his life for the remainder of the holiday.

Mac’s surgery had proceeded as planned the following week. He’d requested several days leave post-op in order to tend to her care. Once her pain and mobility had improved, he’d taken it upon himself to arrange for a pampered life of respite. Mac was placed on a first class flight overnight to Washington, where Harriet had offered a temporary mothering hand. His own mother had arrived the following day to whisk her away to a coastal retreat of leisure. On expressed orders from her son, Trish had ensured absolute rest and relaxation accompanied by gourmet food and a fabulous view.

By the time she’d come back to London, the apartment was ablaze in Christmas holiday finery, complete with tree, garland and bows. With a little friendly cajoling, he’d managed a yuletide visitor for Mattie as well. Jen had arrived on Christmas Eve and stayed through the New Year. The big sister had worked wonders on the disgruntled teen’s mood, mostly because Jen refused to accept Mattie’s recalcitrant stance. It was during this visit that Harm realized exactly how astute Mac’s assessment of the situation had been. Thus the impetuous for the second major change in the Rabb family status quo.

Medical expenses for Mattie had continued to mount and multiple, as a nursing aide was hired to assist with her day-to-day personal care. The idea of a neurology-centered living facility, to coordinate and enrich Mattie’s recovery, remained an idealized concept impossibly beyond the financial grasp of the cash-strapped family. As much as he wished an exemption to military regs, Mattie didn’t qualify for his healthcare benefits. Those supplies and equipment, which could be shipped from the U.S., were covered by Mattie’s Virginia Medicaid as a ward of the court, but the remainder of the expenses for her medical care, doctors’ visits and therapy sessions in London had to be shelled-out from the Rabb family budget. After seeing marginal improvement in Mattie’s attitude and behavior, complements of Jen, Harm fully understood the sacrifice to be made…his London command was next to fall prey.

Hours of phone calls between London and D.C. produced a most unexpected end. He’d been prepared to tender his resignation from the Navy once more, but a call from an old friend, in the wee morning hours, sent his career scurrying in a completely different direction. He’d argued with Mac that it was his time to quit, but she’d countered back that he was born and bred to wear ‘Navy’ blue. Handsome in civilian attire, she still preferred him best as the day they’d met…resplendent in dress blues, gold braid gleaming bright with a cover pulled low over those gorgeous blue eyes. And so he’d found himself addressed as Captain Rabb, professor to the Naval Academy’s best and brightest. While never quite envisioning himself a teacher, he’d been pleased to find he not only excelled at the instruction of ‘Military Justice 101’ and ‘Ethics and Leadership’, but he thoroughly enjoyed the mentoring of tomorrow’s youth.

With the assistance of Trish and Frank, the family found a comfortable home in one of the quaint suburbs outside Annapolis. He’d initially bristled at the idea of accepting financial help, but as his folks not so subtly hinted, “You can accept it now and enjoying spending time with all of your family…or you can inherit it when we’re dead and no longer around!” The house was old and in need of remodeling, a ‘jewel in the rough’ so to speak. His work hours plummeted compared to the London command, he and Mac had tackled the project with gusto and love, transforming the decrepit bungalow into a warm and inviting family solace.

Mattie’s rehab facility was a short hour’s drive from their home. The teen had initially voiced hatred at the idea of her placement in a ‘home’ with those ‘disabled folks’, but Harm and Mac had staunchly followed through as vowed. The ‘home’ was actually a beautiful facility nestled amongst a country setting with rolling hills, a lake, streams and thick woods. It also boasted a world-renowned equestrian therapy program to assist with the recovery of neurologic function, strength and muscle tone. Within a few months of placement, Mattie had begun to make wonderful strides. Her temperament and attitude improved, aided as much by the reestablishment of a relationship with her father and friends, as by the restitution of neurological function and mobility to her arms and hands. While still experiencing some residual difficulties with intricate fine motor skills, she’d been able to resume most of her day-to-day care. Computer skills replaced deficits exacerbated by prolonged periods of writing. And with the help of a tutor, she’d completed her high school academic requirements, passed her GED, and had applied to and been accepted for part-time matriculation at Virginia Tech University. Her long-range career goal…a teacher for children with special needs. A month prior, the family had celebrated amidst much fanfare Mattie’s transfer to one of the independent living apartments on the rehab campus. Now almost 19 years of age, Mattie was thriving on her semi-independence.

The other major family change to transpire was Mac’s return to full-time employment. When the decision was made to move back to D.C., the Embassy had enthusiastically offered her employment with the Division of Diplomatic Affairs. Her legal and language skills were an invaluable asset. She loved the work, and even tolerated the social functions imperative to the position. She’d laughingly informed him, it was her ‘chance to show off her handsome husband’ in full regulation mess dress. All those medals, ribbons and other ‘stuff’ wrapped in a tall, dark and alluring package made her the ‘envy of the ball,’ she related with a smug grin. He, of course, proceeded to kiss that grin right of her gorgeous face.

The one missing piece in their now charmed life was another child. He’d taken it upon himself to investigate all the potential avenues for adoption. They’d decided against the idea of surrogacy, both wanting to ‘create’ a child together as a piece of both of them or not at all. They’d hit a major roadblock with public adoption in the U.S., mostly related to their age, and the cost of private adoption had been all but prohibitive. Finally after weighing all their options, they’d decided to venture abroad. Mac’s Embassy contacts had been invaluable to that end, and Harm had taken on the task of research and ‘paperwork guru’ without complaint. He reasoned it was the least he could do after all the years spent perfecting their ‘dance’ to the detriment of her fertility.

He shook away the meandering thoughts of the last twelve months, as he steered the car onto the main drive of Mattie’s rehab facility. Slowing to a cautious speed, he maneuvered the vehicle uphill and around the curve skirting a pond. Glancing at Mac, he found her still lost in the view from the window.

Reaching for her hand, he smiled, “Hey sweetheart, you’ve been awfully quiet for the last half hour or so.”

“Sorry, guess I got caught up in the view. I just love the fall colors and flowers this time of year. I think I missed this most of all in London…we never had time to tour the countryside.”

He cringed, “Sorry ‘bout that...I guess we never did take time to enjoy the sights while we were there. My job kept me too busy…well, that and Mattie.”

“I know, Harm,” she squeezed back, “…I wasn’t complaining, just enjoying what we have now.”

“Mmmm,” he sighed.

Pulling the car to a stop by Mattie’s building, he shifted the gear into park, but didn’t turn off the ignition.

Car door open, she stopped mid exit and turned back around, “Aren’t you gonna shut off the car?”

“Nope,” he flashed her a guilty smile, “…just you today.”

“What?” she settled back into the passenger seat. “Why aren’t you coming too?”

“Mattie told me she just wanted the girls today,” he sensed her mood shift from relaxed to nervous.

“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,” she mumbled with a sigh.

“Sweetheart, I know you and Mattie haven’t been alone since London, but I think it’s time. We’ve done really well in family therapy, and…” his eyes roved the inside of the car refusing to meet her gaze.

“And…”

“Mattie wants to talk to you about something…alone. She specifically asked me not to come with you today.”

“What’s this about, Harm?” Her fingers tensely plucked away imaginary lint.

Reaching for her hand, he settled her fidgeting, “Nothing bad…I promise. Okay?” He kissed her palm then tugged on her arm to pull her closer. “Any chance I can get a goodbye kiss?”

She sighed in surrender, “Fine, but I don’t like being kept in the dark or the idea of being ganged up on.”

“Promise to make it up to you,” he mumbled against her lips.

“Oh yeah?” her eyes lit up. “How about dinner?”

“Well, I guess we can start there, but I had other more…’exciting’ plans,” he threw her his best flyboy grin.

“Exciting, mmm…we’ll see…”

“Pick ya up at 15:00,” he gave her one more quick peck.

“Three? Why so late?”

“I’ve got ‘things’ to do today…places to go…people to see!” he grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Besides, Mattie wanted you to attend her equestrian lesson this afternoon.” She stood beside the car door shaking her head in bewilderment. “Mac,” he gestured, “…shut the door!” She complied with an uncertain glare.

“Toddles Marine,” he tossed her a teasing kiss over his right shoulder as he drove off, eyes sparkling with mischief.

She climbed the stairs to the front door and slowly made her way to Mattie’s room. They really had made great strides in their relationship over the last few months, but she was still a bit unsure of being alone with the girl. The family counseling sessions after moving to D.C. had been difficult to put it mildly. Mattie directed most of her anger at Mac. They’d slowly made progress, as Mattie picked through the ruins of her current life. Mac had attended each and every counseling session and came along with Harm for most of the weekend visits. After six months at the center, Mattie had fulfilled her requisite goals for a daytime visit off campus. They’d brought her home for a casual day of movies, popcorn and fun. Jen had joined in the mix defusing the situation immensely. Since that time, Mattie had come ‘home’ one weekend per month, but always with Harm chaperoning the visit.

She stopped outside Mattie’s door and inhaled deeply to calm her nerves. Rapping lightly on the door, she was greeted with a chipper, “Come on in!”

Sticking her head around the door, she smiled tentatively, “Hey Mattie, it’s just me…”

“Mac! I’m so glad you’re here!” Mattie maneuvered her chair over to the door. “Come in…come in,” she waved her hand, “…I was just making us some tea. Is vanilla chai okay for you?”

“Uh, yeah…sure,” Mac closed the door behind her, “…that sounds great.”

Mattie returned to her task, “You can throw your jacket over on the bed. This shouldn’t take but a minute.”

Mac did as instructed then wandered around the large open room. She picked up a framed picture of Harm and Mattie then set it aside to study the next. It was a large collage frame made up of several different snapshots. “This is new…”

“Oh yeah, Jen got it for me. She even helped me print out the pictures…don’t ya just love it?” the teen effused excitement.

“Yeah, it beautiful. I love all the details carved into the frame,” running her finger over the photos, she asked, “Where’d you find all the pictures?”

“Oh, here and there,” Mattie shrugged, “…some Harm took, others were mine.” She carefully lifted a small platter holding two mugs and a pitcher of cream onto her lap and maneuvered the wheelchair toward the small living area. “Tea’s ready!”

“Oh, that was quick,” Mac placed the frame back on the bookcase and strolled over to Mattie. “Where do you want me?”

“How ‘bout one of the chairs in the seating area? I think it’ll be more comfortable for a nice long visit.” Mattie carefully lifted the platter and placed it on an end table, “You want cream in your tea?”

“Sure that’d be great,” Mac settled into one of the large overstuffed leather chairs. Accepting the mug from Mattie, she blew across the surface of the steaming cup then took a tentative sip. “Mmmm, this is really good.”

Mattie reached for her own cup, “I know…Dylan got me started on it.”

“Dylan?” Mac raised a questioning brow.

“Don’t worry, he’s just a friend,” Mattie waved a dismissive hand. “He lives in one of the other independent living buildings across the pond. We’re both attending classes at Tech….his major is business administration, but we’re both taking English Lit and History of Civ this semester…we both ride the van to school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.”

Mac smiled at the young woman’s animated jumble of speech. She hadn’t seen Mattie this excited in a long time, not since…well, not since the accident. In fact, not since she’d first moved in with Harm.

“He sounds like a nice guy. Any chance Harm and I can meet him?”

“Maybe,” Mattie blushed, “…I’m not sure I want Harm going all ‘overprotective’ on him.” She giggled, “You know Harm. I love him to death, but he can be such a ‘DAD’!”

“Yeah, he can,” Mac grew quiet and contemplative.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mac…I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay, sweetie. Harm is a great father…I just wish…” She shrugged and looked away struggling to gain control of the emotions that always seemed to be bubbling just underneath.

“Mac?”

“What sweetie?”

“Umm, I was wondering if you could hand me that box over there,” Mattie pointed toward a thin, oblong box decorated in a bright paisley pattern. Mac retrieved the requested item and handed it to Mattie.

“Umm…no, it’s actually for you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, it’s just a little something I wanted you to have,” Mattie smiled nervously. “Go ahead…open it!”

Mac released the tape securing the sides and lifted the lid. Pulling the tissue paper aside, she found a beautiful collage frame identical to Mattie’s. Within the individual shapes were various photos of Harm and her, he and Mattie, the three of them, and inset into the largest middle frame was a photo of she and Mattie. They were staring off into the distance and laughing. Mac ran a finger over the photo as tears appeared in her eyes. “Where’d you…”

“Jen took it one night when we were all having dinner at Harm’s old apartment in D.C.” Mattie chuckled in memory, “We were laughing at him because he forgot to put the lid on the blender. His salad dressing ended up all plastered all over the kitchen walls!”

“I remember that,” Mac looked up with wonder. “I guess with all that’s happened in the last few years...I forgot,” she chewed on her lip in reflection and whispered, “…I forgot about all the good times from before.”

“I know…me too,” Mac’s tears were matched by identical drops in Mattie’s eyes. “Mac, I wanted to be alone with you today, so I could apologize…”

“That’s not necessary,” she reached for Mattie’s hand.

“Yes…yes, it is,” the young woman caressed Mac’s hand. “I need you to know how sorry I am for my attitude and behavior back in London.”

“Mats…”

“Please let me say this!” Mac nodded for her to continue.

“I was just so angry back then. I thought I’d lost everything…EVERYTHING,” Mattie gestured emphatically with her hands, “…my dad, my life in Blacksburg, my ability to walk, flying…all the hopes and dreams I had for my life. They all disappeared,” she clicked her fingers, “…in the blink of an eye. I wanted it to be someone’s fault, and I couldn’t blame Harm. I was afraid if I took it out on him, he’d walk away just like my dad, so instead, I blamed you.” Tears were flowing down her cheeks, “I’m so sorry, Mac…I didn’t really mean it, but I didn’t…”

Mac reached for the girl while battling her own tears, “It’s okay, sweetie…I understood what you were going through back then…I didn’t blame you.”

“But you were going to leave!”

Mac nodded, “Yes, I was…I grew-up in an abusive home, and I promised myself I would never live like that again.” When Mattie melted into her chair in shame, Mac continued, “Mattie, my decision to leave or stay was prompted by more than just you and your behavior. Nothing was working for our family in London. Harm was preoccupied with work, you weren’t coping with your recovery…we’d left all our family and friends behind. I think we all needed to come home…that Thanksgiving Day, a year ago, was the impetuous to propel us to a better life. And this is better, sweetie…for all of us.”

“You’re saying we needed a swift kick in our…”

“Mattie!” she warned.

“What?” Mattie giggled, “…I was gonna say ‘six’.”

“Yeah…right,” Mac smiled back.

Mattie sobered once again, “Mac, all those times I…hurt you. Most of the time I didn’t mean it…it was an accident. But sometimes, I was just so mad and out of control.”

“I know, sweetie…but hurting someone else is never the answer. We have to find other outlets for our anger and disappointment.”

“I understand…and I promise, I’ll never treat anyone like that again. I love you, Mac. Will you forgive me?”

Mac took the young woman into her arms, “Already forgiven and forgotten.” She pulled back enough to look in Mattie’s eyes, “And I love you too, sweetie…always. There is nothing you can ever do to make me stop loving you.”

“Me too,” Mattie hugged her back.

***

Continued in Part 1d