Author: Hollyjp (Sorry its late.)
Subject: May I Have This Dance (HBX Challenge Oct 08)

May I Have This Dance (HBX Challenge Oct 08)
Author: Hollyjp
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are based on those created by Donald Bellasario and used in the television show JAG. No profit was gained from their use. Think of it as flattery that we want to take your creations out again and again to visit.
The song referenced in the title and at the end of the story is one made popular by Canadian singer, Anne Murray.

The damn dance! They did it over and over. It wasn’t meant to seduce, to tantalize, or arouse. It certainly didn’t do anything for her disposition, not anymore, if it ever did. Mac decided she had done this enough the minute Harm had started in tonight with his jealous sniping. She knew that Harm was jealous of any other man that showed an interest in her. She had waited and hoped for years that he would give in and admit his feelings if she pushed his buttons just a little more; flirting with men that showed interest in her as a woman, not as a friend or fellow officer.

Over the years she had realized at some point that Harm had been pushed past the point where he would or could admit his feelings without severe bruising to his ego and damage to his damnable pride. Of course they were two of the very qualities that made him who he was; he was the man Mac had fallen for in fairly short order.

Mac closed her eyes for a second in an attempt to regroup. She needed to rethink her strategy once again. They had started conversations this way when she was involved with Dalton and Mick. This time, however, she wasn’t involved with the man. Clayton Webb had always been a friend, to both Harm and Mac. She was surprised to discover the man had deeper feelings for her.

Yes, she had explored the possibilities a little. He wasn’t Harmon Rabb Junior, and as sad as it was, he was the man that Mac was in love with. If only he could admit his feelings without losing his pride. She wasn’t in this to break him...not really.

The state dinner they were attending this evening was turning into more of the same dance. It had been awhile since they had attended a formal event together. It was nice. They were having a good time, laughing, talking, just enjoying each others company until Webb had shown-up.

Mac had been surprised by his appearance. Unfortunately she'd interrupted Harm’s joke to welcome Webb. Not a good move.

While Clayton had gone to get a drink, Harm had glared at her and started his sniping. “There goes the neighborhood,” he muttered under his breath looking away.

“What did you say?” Mac asked.

“Nothing...I suppose you two are going to be making eyes at each other all night.”

“Why would you say that?” Mac challenged, her temperature rising knowing that once again the dance was on.

“That’s what you two seem to do whenever you’re together these days... at least in public,” Harm groused.

“Be nice Harm. You have nothing to fear from Clay,” Mac tried to sooth him. Her words backfired.

“I don’t fear Webb. I just don’t like watching you two drooling over each other.”

“You never can let the dance end, Harm. Are you trying to throw me into his arms?” Mac demanded as she stood toe to toe with Harm glaring up at him. Her momentum when she stood up sent her toward him at the same time he had risen from his seat as a gesture of politeness. Mac pulled herself to her full height and stared him down.

“I’m not trying to do anything Mac.” Harm felt the air rush from his lungs. He was so tired of the dance but he didn't know how to end it and still be able to work with her if she didn't feel the way he did..

“Yeah, you are. You’re trying to pick a fight and I don’t think it matters which one of us it is. Are you sure that’s what you want?” Mac asked,her voice gentle as she hoped this time Harm would meet her half way and they could finally clear the air and end the dance.

“If you love him it doesn’t matter what I want,” Harm raged in that infuriating quietly controlled way he had.

“And what if I don’t love him? Does it matter then?” Mac demanded, moving closer still to his warmth and hard chest, her eyes smoldering as she held his gaze.

“Mac...” Harm was caught in her eyes...did he dare hope that he could say what he wanted to say and she would welcome him as they moved toward a future together.

“No Harm...no more dancing with words. Put your money where your mouth is. Does it matter?”

“Yes!” Harm hissed, his body ready to spring into action. His heart pounding in his chest and his eyes full of the love he felt for Sarah Mackenzie.

“Why? How?” Mac pushed, her voice quiet, her gaze holding his. Something was different this time. She could see it in Harm's eyes, in the way he held her gaze and in his body language.

“Because...”

“Say the words Harm,” Mac pleaded

“I can’t.” Harm signed, still not looking away.

“You’ve got to,” Mac whispered, fearing she had gone to far this time.

“Mac, I ...need you to tell me what you want first...I need to know that I wasn’t just...convenient.”

“We can’t leave yet...let’s dance...maybe the words will be easier later.” Mac turned to walk away, only to have Harm reach for her.

“The balcony...”

“It’s cool out...”

“Don’t care...I’ll keep you warm,” Harm offered as he steered Mac through the crowd, away from Webb and prying eyes.

Once they were on the balcony Harm stepped into Mac’s space as she slid her arms up his chest toward his shoulders. Her fingers found their way to the back of his neck where she toyed with his hair. Her eyes locked with his again for a moment before she rested her head against him.

Her breathing soft against his neck as she looked up watching his face gazing down toward her, Mac relaxed. Harm’s words were starting to penetrate her angst. What was it he had said - ‘I need to know that I wasn’t convenient.’ Mac let herself smile at that. Convenient was the last word she would use to describe him.

“What?” Harm asked noticing her smile and feeling her chuckle as he held her close.

“Convenient is not a word I would use to describe you - ever.”

Harm took a deep breath, struggling with the desire to shut down and walk away and the desire to make her his own, finally. The slim chance that this time they could make it, gave him the courage he needed to say some of the words Mac needed to hear.

“Mac...chances are good I’m going to mess this up and not have it come out right...promise me you’ll work with me here and not take off...”

“You have to start some where Harm...I’ll stick with you...hear what you’re trying to say.”

Harm studied Mac intently for several heartbeats before he began to speak.

“I never wanted to be just another guy, Mac...not to you. I wanted to be different and I wanted you to see me as different from the others...I wanted you to want me because I was right for you...not because I showed interest like they had.”

“You wanted the security of knowing you were special?” Mac asked, amazed that this super confident fighter-pilot-turned-lawyer twice over that could have most any woman he wanted lacked the confidence he needed to start a relationship with her.

“I didn’t realize it at first...I was trying to keep a professional relationship and still get over Diane....then when I did...when I started seeing you for you and not a Diane clone, I started to realize that you had a history with men and I didn’t want to be a part of the history....I wanted to be the future...when the time was right.”

“Is the time right now?” Mac asked.

“I think its getting closer,” Harm grinned, drawing her closer to his body as they still pretended to dance on the balcony.

“Closer?”

“Yeah...I know how I feel about you Mac...but I need to know you feel something for me before I can say the words.”

“You are so dense...I’ve told you I loved you, more than once in fact and I’ve backed off from the advances other men have made. Clay is a mutual friend, Harm...he’s done some things to try to get you jealous...to force you to commit. It’s back fired I’m afraid.” Mac reached up and touched the furrow on Harm’s brow as they continued to hold each other pretending to dance, although they no longer even swayed to the music.

“Mac, every time I was about ready to tell you...to say the words I thought you wanted to hear...something happened and I'd back off.”

“Why? Does it change how you feel about me?”

“No...its not that...its more about whether I think you’re...” he hesitated knowing the word he was about to use you alienate them further, yet it was the most precise word he could think of.”

“Just say it Harm.”

“For lack of a better word...fine...When some things happened I began to question whether you were worthy of the kind of commitment I was about to make.”

“Worthy...” Mac’s voice was breathy, but her body snapped back and became tense in his arms at his words.

“I didn’t realize you were that much of a snob Harm...I thought I had worked hard enough to earn your respect.”

“Mac, stop....that’s why I hesitated to use the word, because of the other meanings it has. All I’m trying to say is your actions and sometimes the actions of some friends made me doubt you could feel for me what I feel for you. I’m not going to make a life altering pledge to someone that isn’t in as deep as I am.”

“Harm, if I wasn’t in as ‘deep as you are', I certainly wouldn’t still be standing her, nor would I keep coming back for more. I may be a fool, but I want it all with you. I want to find a way to have my career, a family, and most of all you. Without you...well it wouldn’t be the same or hold the same appeal.”

Harm grinned. “Promise me something Mac.”

“I think I just did.”

“No, no. I want you to promise me that every time one of us begins to doubt the other, we’ll go away somewhere together and find time to be alone so we can work it out ourselves.”

“What’s to work out?” Mac teased with a sexy smile.

“Us, Mac...us. There is an us...has always been an us...and I hope there will always be an us. I love you Mac.”

Harm held her in his arms, their eyes locked, foreheads resting one on the other until the need to get lost in kisses overwhelmed them. It didn’t matter who made the first move. They came together, their lips meeting and warming the other set simultaneously.

From the shadows of the ball room, Clayton Webb watched through the glass doors on the balcony, smiling and nodding his head. “That’s good,” he smiled as he turned away knowing his job was done and that the people he considered his friends would be okay. Now maybe he could concentrate on spy games once again. Spotting the blonde legal-eagle working for the company, Clay headed her way to make sure she wasn’t there to stir up trouble once again.

Outside on the balcony, Harm and Mac were wrapped in one another’s arms enjoying this thing between them. Harm smiled, “Does this mean the dance is over?”

“I doubt it...I think its probably just getting started. Mac smiled.

“You okay with that?”

“Yeah...now I know what the dance is and that we can change it up every now and again.”

In the background a most appropriate song played. “May I have this dance for the rest of my life?”

The End