Title: (A Picture Paints) A Thousand Words

Author: Theresa

Prompt: Cece

"I can't make you love me if you won't." (from the song by Bonnie Raitt)

Rating: Everybody


**********


Harm wandered through Renee's apartment. There were signs that she was home. He saw the pumps she always kicked off, sitting next to the coffee table. Her purse was beside them. Her keys were on the counter along with the day's mail. She was nowhere in sight. He headed toward the bedroom, and found it empty. He listened for the shower, but no luck. He'd almost given up, when he spied the open window leading out to the fire escape. Slowly he climbed the ladder and found her sitting in a lone chair on the roof.

"Renee'?"

She turned in acknowledgement, but said nothing. The tears on her face, glowed in the light of the moon. She dodged the hand he tried to put on her back.

"You okay?"

Her voice was clear and steady. "I can't say that I am?"

"What's wrong?"

She made a sound between a chuckle and a huff. "So many things." She turned to him, "You came to say goodbye."

He nodded. "I'm leaving for my quals."

She tucked her lips. "I'm leaving too."

Something in her voice made him start. "Why don’t I think this is temporary?"

"Because it's not."

"Renee'..."

"Harm, I have made so many things happen in my life. I've always looked whatever I wanted in the eye, and said, 'mine'. But I couldn't do that with you. I've never really been able to. It took me way too long to realize that I can't make you love me if you won't. And the sad thing is, neither can you." She looked him in the eye. "Can you?"

He pursed his lips. Hating that she left him no other choice, but to hurt her. "No I can't."

"Did you ever try?"

"Renee', love is something that I've never really known the definition of..."

"Until the night of Mac's party."

He gaped. "What...?"

She reached beneath her chair and pulled out a large manila envelope. "This came for me today. I don't know who sent it, but..." Her voice trailed off as she extended her arm and handed it to him.

He knew without looking what the damage would be. Inside were several large still shots of Mac and him on the porch during her party. They began with a shot of them leaning over the railing and smiling at each other, and ended with the unforgettable soul shattering kiss. The lawyer in him noticed that they were taken from somewhere across the street. The man in him hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry," He whispered, and tried to return the pictures to the envelope, resolving to get to the bottom of who sent them, before they could do irreparable damage. One slipped from his grasp and swung to and fro in the air until it rested at Renee's feet.

She picked it up, and studied the image of Mac with Harm's coat draped around her, eyes closed, kissing his fingers as he wiped her tears. He was looking at Mac with more love than Renee' had ever seen in all the looks he'd given her combined. She turned the photo and held it up. "They say a picture paints a thousand words. This one alone could fill a library. This is love Harm. You love her. You've loved her all along, and I've known it all along. And now so do you."

His legs felt like jello. He wanted to sit, but she had the only chair. He wanted to atone for hurting her, but he didn't know how. Not without lying through his teeth, and she deserved more than that.

"I...I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing you can say. I don't know what's going to happen now, and some morbid part of me wants to stick around just to see how it will all play out. But I don't think my heart can take it." She raised tear-glazed eyes to the sky, and for a long agonizing moment let the pain run free inside her. "You know I used to be frightened of looking at the moon. It always made me feel so small." She said, more to herself than him. Then she stood and went to him, and laid a soft tear-laced kiss on his lips. "Goodbye Harm. Good luck. You're going to need it."

"Why?"

She held up a note that had been crumpled in her hand. "Because this came with the pictures and it says that Mic got a set too."

In any other circumstance she would have been amused at how quickly he went on alert. As it was though, it only confirmed to her how over it really was between them.

His eyes darted toward the exit.

"Go!" She said, tears once again clouding her voice. "Just go."

He didn't go. Refusing to be heartless, he turned, and put his arms around her. "You take care of yourself Renee'."

She nodded, grateful for his comfort. He leaned down, kissed her hair, gave her one last squeeze, and finally let her go.

The next thing he knew it was 20 minutes later, and he was outside Mac's apartment door. He thought of nothing but getting to Mac and giving her fair warning. When the door opened he knew he was too late.

“You bloody bastard!” Mic flew at him, ramming his shoulder into Harm’s gut, and toppling them both to the ground, landing hard against the wall of the hallway.

“Brumby!” He gasped. “Power down!” He shoved Mic up and away from him, ready to block him if he decided to throw a punch.

Mic stumbled. It took three tries to get him upright. “If I wasn’t so bleeding drunk, I’d beat you to a pulp!”

Harm held up his hands. “I don’t blame you.” He gestured to the door. “Can we go back in before someone calls the cops?”

Mic said nothing, but staggered back into the apartment. Harm followed and looked around. It seemed they were alone there. “Where’s Mac?”

“She said she had an errand to run. She didn’t’ tell me where. At least now I know she’s not with you.”

“No, she’s not with me.”

Mic held up the wrinkled stack of pictures. “How long has this been going on?”

“It’s not. Nothing’s going on.”

“This doesn’t look like nothing to me!” Mic shouted as he threw the pictures to the ground, and reached for the bottle of Bourbon on the counter.

Harm’s hand closed around Mic’s and he took the bottle from him. “I think you’ve had enough of this.”

“Who are you to tell me that? Who are you to tell me anything?”

“Someone who doesn’t want Mac to come home to a drunk,” he replied. “Now you’ve had enough.”

Mic slumped into an arm chair, and dropped his head into his hands. “I haven’t had enough. It’ll never be enough. If I had known...When I ordered surveillance on her, I never thought…”

“Wait a minute, you were having Mac followed? Is that how they got these pictures?”

“Not Sarah, Lauren.”

“Singer?”

“Yeah, she’s connected with a case I’m doing. I never thought they would follow her to the party, or if they did they'd just get a shot of her going into the house, but they said they stuck around in case she left. It turns out they thought I’d be much more interested in the activities going on on the porch.”

Harm shifted as guilt nipped at his heals. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry Mic. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But none of it was Mac’s fault. It was all my doing. Don’t blame her.”

“Did she slap you? Did she shove you away? Did she tell you never to do it again?”

Harm sighed. “No.”

“Then how can I not blame her?” Mic shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s more than just the pictures mate. I thought I could change her mind. I thought in time she would grow to…” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s always been you for her Rabb.”

Harm frowned. “She chose you Mic.”

Mic stood abruptly, holding on to the back of the chair for support. “Only because she couldn’t have you.”

“That’s not true.”

Mic stopped on his way into the bedroom. “Oh really, how do you know that?” He cocked his head to the side, just looking for a long moment. “You really don’t do you. You don’t know that she talks about you non-stop, calls you her best friend, and whispers your name in her sleep.”

At Harm’s stunned expression, Mic let out a morbid laugh. “I can’t be standing in the middle of this anymore. It’s too much.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to go back to Australia where I belong.”

“Mic! You can’t just leave her. She’d be happy with you. She loves you!”

“Oh really? Did she tell you that? Because she’s never told it to me.”

Harm fell silent, suddenly wondering if all of his assumptions had been wrong. The expression on her face when he’d told her that Brumby had been right about people being in love with her, flashed through his mind. Could it be that she had only been with Mic because she thought she couldn’t have him?

When Harm didn’t respond Mic said, “I didn’t think so.”

“Mic, with as much blood as you have your alcohol stream, you’re not going anywhere. Besides, it’s unfair to leave without at least talking it over with her.”

“Talking what over?” They both turned to see Mac standing in the doorway. “What’s going on?” She asked, looking from Mic to Harm and back again.

Harm stepped back. “Maybe I should go.”

Mac took his wrist. “No, you need to tell me what’s going on.”

Mic spoke up. “I’m leaving.”

Fear leapt to her eyes. “Leaving?”

“I’m going back to Australia.”

She gaped in shock. “What? Why?” Turning to Harm she said, “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. I didn’t have to. I would never have said anything, but he found out…” He trailed off and gestured to the pictures scattered about the floor.

Harm reached for Mac’s arm as he watched the blood drain from her face. It took a minute for the room to stop spinning. “I’m okay”, she told him and pulled away. She picked up the picture of them locked in a passionate kiss. “Mic…”

He waved an unsteady hand. “Save it Sarah. You were only with me because you are afraid of being alone.”

“Mic, that’s not true!” She replied, and then took a deep calming breath. “Listen, why don’t you go in and sleep it off, and we can talk about this when all of us can think clearly.”

He scoffed. “What good will that do? You think I’ll be able to sleep off the image of you and him?” He flung a hand towards Harm. He grabbed the picture from her and waved it in the air. “This happened, regardless of what you say about it. Nothing can change that.”

“Mic it was ONE kiss. ONE…”

“And what Sarah, are you going to tell me it didn’t mean anything?” He stared, scrutinizing. The tension in the room increased by ten fold, as he slowly picked them both apart. His jaw clenched. “Go ahead,” He said in a low challenging voice. “Tell me it didn’t mean anything.”

Mac’s eyes burned with defiance. She squared her shoulders ready to do as he demanded, and the declaration died on her lips. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t look at anyone in that room, including herself, and lie so blatantly. The kiss that she and Harm had shared was one of the most incredible and defining moments of her life. She learned more about herself on that porch, than she ever had in all the years previous. Ashamed, confused, in pain, she turned away.

Mic gave one silent nod, and headed in to the bedroom to pack his clothes. Mac jumped when he slammed the door, knocking a picture from the wall. She sighed and lowered herself into the chair that Mic had occupied a few minutes before. Somewhere in her mind she registered the stench of sweat and bourbon.

Harm rubbed the back of his neck. Unsure of what to do. “Do you want me to leave?” He asked.

She shook her head, and gave a derisive chuckle. “Then who would I have left? After all, I can’t stand to be alone.”

Harm sat down across from her, and rested his hands on his thighs. “Mac, I have to tell you…Renee’ got a set of those pictures.”

She looked up, then dropped her gaze and shook her head. “We should have seen this coming.”

“Yeah we should have.”

“It’s over with Renee’?”

“Yeah it is. I’m just sorry it had to end like this. It’s been over for a while, but I didn’t want it to be this way.”

“Neither of us did.”

He reached out and touched her shoulder. “You okay? You had more to lose than I did. I’m sorry Mac.”

She looked him in the eye. “Are you?”

He held her gaze. “I’m sorry we hurt two innocent people. I’m sorry that my timing was two years too late.”

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you. If I had just kept my mouth shut, then…”

“…both of us would still be with the wrong people trying to convince ourselves that everything is the way it should be.”

“I don’t want him to leave me,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes. “Only one person has ever left me.” She stood and began to pace, viciously swiping at the tears on her face . “That’s not how it works in my world Harm. If it’s going to fall apart, I’m going to be the one to do the leaving.”

“Did you want to leave him?”

She shook her head, and threw up her hands. “I don’t know. I don’t know! Ever since that night, I haven’t been sure. Who am I kidding? Ever since I tried on my wedding dress I haven’t been sure.”

“Do you love him Mac?”

“Yes. But not like...”

“…not like she loves you.” Mic said from the bedroom doorway. They both jumped and turned in guilt. Mac began to say something, but he stopped her. “There’s nothing you can say Sarah. I called a cab, it should be here soon.” He set down his luggage just long enough to kiss her cheek. “Goodbye beautiful.”

“Mic…” She began again, but he was gone. Mac broke down, and Harm put his arms around her.

“Don’t blame yourself for this. It’s better now than six months into the marriage.”

“If I hadn’t kissed you. If he hadn’t seen those pictures…”

“Then he would have found another reason. He told me it wasn’t just the pictures that he was angry about.”

She pulled back. “He just can’t get past this thing with us.”

He looked her in the eye. “Maybe that’s because we can’t get past it.”

She sighed. “Harm I need time.”

“I know. So do I. I have to leave for my quals in the morning. You know how to contact me if you need…anything.”

“When you get back…?”

He smiled and kissed her forehead. “When I get back…”

“I’ll be here.”

Reluctantly he released her, and walked out the door.

The End