Title: Gift of Life
Author: Tante Kiki
Rating: PG
Classification: Sad; character death
Disclaimer: Don’t own, no money, just playing.
Summary: Two prompts for the price of one, though I don’t think this story is really what the submitter of Prompt #2 was thinking of, but I couldn’t help connecting the two prompts as soon as I started thinking about them. Additional author’s notes can be found at the end.

Prompt: Janlaw

Prompt #1:
Mattie is declared brain-dead and Harm is asked to consent to (a) removal from life support and (b) organ donation (assume Harm has legal custody)

Prompt #2:
Roger Whittaker: "The First Hello, the Last Goodbye"--could apply to Webb, if one wants to stick to canon--however, going "dark", maybe Harm?? (Lyrics available at the end of the story)

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“And the first time that we said hello
Began our last goodbye”

One minute, the room was filled with the sounds of the ventilator and the whirs and beeps of other equipment. Harm’s two hands enveloped Mattie’s smaller one. Mac stood solidly behind him with her hands on his shoulders. Tears streaked both their faces. The next minute, the room was silent.

Can you look after him for me, make sure he’s not too sad too much of the time?

===============================================================

“When you think I’ll never need you
Then I knew that you would go”

Harm hated hospitals. He hated them when he was a patient. He hated them when people he cared about were patients. He wasn’t sure what the nurses were doing, but they had asked him to step outside for a few minutes.

The ICU waiting room was dimly lit and empty. Harm chose a seat and he wondered not for the first time how it was that hospitals could be quiet and noisy at the same time. He heard the repeated ding of the elevator and pages over the intercom and the scurrying of staff to and fro. But at the same time there was only the eerie silence of his thoughts. Until he felt his phone vibrate yet again. He didn’t have to look. He knew who was calling.

===========================================================

“That the end of the beginning’s
The beginning of the end”

Mac had received a brief and barely coherent message from Harm on her voicemail after she finished in court. Coates had filled in some of the gaps, but that had only increased her need to contact him. Mac had phoned Harm at home. She had tried his cell phone, more than once. She drove by his apartment and when she found it empty, she decided it was the perfect night for a road trip. As Mac drove down the highway, stray bits of conversation began playing and replaying in her mind.

You’ve taught him how to love unconditionally.

About us not knowing each other so well, let’s change that.

This is too important for you to screw up.

============================================================

“They say the moment that you’re born
Is when you start to die”

Harm was gazing at the doorway, when she appeared as if conjured. “Why am I not surprised to see you?”

“You always were a crackerjack investigator. It’s good that age hasn’t dulled your instincts.” He managed a sort of a smile at her smart remark. “Maybe the seventeen messages clogging your voice mail were your first clues that I might be heading your way.”

Harm looked down at his hands. “We’re not supposed to use cell phones inside and I didn’t want to leave …”

“I understand. But I needed to see how you were.” She crossed the room and sat down beside him.

“I’m hanging in there and I appreciate your concern, but I didn’t mean for you to come all the way out here. Don’t you think you’d be better off going home and getting a good night’s sleep?”

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I was home. I seldom do.” She dismissed this suggestion and continued on to the reason they were both here. “How’s Mattie? Have they let you see her?” Mac took Harm’s hands in her own and the contact with her skin was a trigger for his emotions. Suddenly he looked past her and saw something invisible to her eyes.

“We had so many plans. We were gonna sail the Mediterranean, ski at Aspen, fly Mount McKinley. She was supposed to go to college. Fall in love. Have babies. Live.”

Mac tried not to pull her hands away in reaction as he recited the last three items in his list, but she needn’t have worried. He was still far away and she tried to call him back to the present. “Harm?”

“Why are you here?” He looked at her suddenly as if seeing her for the first time.

“You know the reason.” That déjà vu statement seemed to snap him out of his reverie, but even as he returned, he looked away.

“I didn’t want …”

“To be alone,” she supplied. He turned his eyes back to her and nodded.

Uncharacteristically open, Harm tried to explain further. “Every time I think I’ve got the pieces of my life together, someone comes along and jumbles them all up. I feel I’ve got a big hole where part of my heart used to be.”

“Did you love her that much? Of course you did, that was a stupid thing to say.”

“I didn’t realize how much until she was gone. That’s always the way, isn’t it.” He didn’t seem to have heard her faux pas. Or maybe he was just choosing to ignore it.

“What do you mean gone?”

“I need to tell you what the doctor said.”

==========================================================

“The sound of all our laughter
Is now echoed in a sigh”

Harm climbed out of his SUV and used his long legs to cover the distance to the hospital entrance quickly. He paused briefly at the information desk, “ICU?”

“Fourth floor. Take the elevators to your right.”

“Thanks,” he offered over his shoulder as he continued on his way.

When he reached the nurses’ station in ICU, he paused to catch his breath. “I’m looking for Mattie Grace Johnson.”

“And you are?” the nurse looked up from her computer screen.

You’re my guardian. He heard the echo of Mattie’s voice from that cold, dark night on the Mall, but recovered quickly enough to respond, “Commander Harmon Rabb. I’m her guardian, Nurse Ride.”

She nodded. “We’ve been expecting you.” Turning to her colleague, she asked, “Sally, could you please page the doctor?” Nurse Ride turned her attention back to Harm. “She should be here in just a few minutes.”

“Can I see Mattie?”

“Of course, but please be prepared. Her condition is critical.”

“I understand.”

The nurse got up from the desk to guide him down the corridor.

When he crossed the threshold of Mattie’s room, Harm swallowed back the bile that rose immediately. Absently he wondered if his mother had felt this way when she had arrived at Bethesda all those years ago after his ramp strike.

You can hug me you know, I won’t break.

Despite the voice in his head, Harm thought hugging was probably not the best of ideas at this juncture. Harm walked to the bed and reached around the medical equipment to stroke Mattie’s hair gently. She looked terrible with all the tubes and wires, but he was thankful not to see any hints of pain on her face. Harm wasn’t sure how long he stood at her bedside when he turned at the sound of a voice, “Commander Rabb?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Charlotte Yeager, the attending physician.” She extended her hand and he did the same. “Let’s step outside.”

They walked to a nearby conference room and the doctor motioned for Harm to take a seat.

“You’re her legal guardian?” The doctor looked for confirmation before continuing this conversation.

“Yes, her mother is deceased and her father is an alcoholic who has yet to complete his recovery. The court granted me custody and guardianship in the meantime.”

“Fair enough. I’m not going to mince any words, Commander. Ms. Johnson is brain dead.”

He couldn’t keep the shock from his voice. “But she’s attached to all those machines.”

“That’s standard procedure since we didn’t know the extent of her injuries when we began to treat her. After we determined her condition, we didn’t know the family’s wishes regarding the matter.”

“Right.” Harm nodded for her to continue.

“I understand that you’ve just arrived here from D.C. and that you have a great deal of unpleasant information to process, but you also have some decisions to make and there’s no point in waiting to tell you about them.”

“What kind of decisions?”

“Based on her condition, I think you should remove Ms. Johnson from life support.”

“Just let her die? No.” He stood and started across the small room.

People suck. They always let you down, except for maybe you. I’m still not sure about that.

“Commander, she’s already dead. I’m sorry to be so blunt and I’m truly sorry for your loss.” The doctor paused for a deep breath. “There was nothing we could do. The damage was too severe. You can seek a second opinion, but …”

“But you don’t think they’ll have anything more encouraging to say.” He looked at her to gauge her honesty.

“No, I don’t.” She shook her head. “Again, I’m very sorry.”

Harm sank back into the chair and tried to comprehend what the doctor was saying. “So there’s no chance?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Dr. Yeager waited a moment before continuing. “There’s something else, Commander. I know I’m giving you a lot to think about all at once, but there will be time for you to weigh the options. Despite the severity of her injuries, a number of Ms. Johnson’s organs are in excellent condition. I’d like you to consider organ donation. She’s an excellent candidate. You’re suffering a terrible personal loss but some good can come of this, if you’re willing.”

“How much time do I have, Doctor?”

“The sooner the better, but you don’t have to rush. That was the other reason for keeping her on life support. It extends the viability of the organs for a short time. Get some rest; talk it over with the rest of your family. Get that second opinion, if you’d prefer.”

“She’s not in any pain, is she?”

“No, Commander. There’s no pain. The young lady you knew is already gone. She can make a difference though, Commander.”

“She already has, Doctor. She already has.”

===========================================================

“You only know how low is low
The first time that you fly”

Harm climbed into his SUV and was about to start the engine when he remembered he hadn’t specifically left word with Mac. He knew she was in court and that she could get the facts from Coates, but he called her cell phone and left what he later realized was a garbled message, but he couldn’t spare the energy for coherence or a second try. She’d just have to figure it out.

We’ve got one thing in common. We’ve both got goofy names.

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”And gold would not be precious,
If we all had gold to spare”

Mattie's liver went to Maria Schonke, 19, a young woman from Maryland who doctors say would have died in two days without it. Eddie Coulter, a 15-year-old boy from Washington, received one of Mattie's kidneys, while the other went to Renee Farrow, 14, of Baltimore. Chris Pike, a 30-year-old New Yorker with diabetes got islet cells from Mattie's pancreas to help his body produce insulin. Her corneas went to Bobby Parker, a 23 year old from Media, Pennsylvania. But the recipient most in need of a transplant was Allison Lowne of Annapolis, the girl who received Mattie's heart. Allison's problems were so severe that at 15 she weighed only 53 pounds.

The End