Title: Mourning
Author: Holly

Prompt: Janlaw

Sergei is the father of Singer’s baby.

Rating: Anyone (Although it’s a bit sad.)

Author’s Note: Dialogue between parentheses ( ) denotes a voice in his head while brackets [ ] represent a person on the other end of the phone.


**********


The cot was hard under him, aggravating his back which had endured to many ejections. One arm flung across his eyes, he tried to find a ray of hope for himself in this situation he found himself as he mourned the loss of his nephew, a child he had never met. His lawyer and the NCIS agent had delivered the news to him a short time ago.

For the first time since this whole debacle had begun, he had opened up and talked about why he had remained quiet; why he had been seen arguing with Lt. Singer before her disappearance. He hated that he had placed his half-brother under suspicion, although he new that Sergei had an alibi and would be safe from their scrutiny. He however looked even more guilty.

The lawyer part of him knew and understood why his friends were staying away. The naval officer in him knew and understood why his colleagues were staying away - they were following orders. The man part of him, however, had trouble understanding and accepting that the woman he loved couldn’t be here once in a while to support him, if only for short visits.

It was the man that longed for his friend and confidant to be here to hear about his sadness for a child he had never seen, created from a one-night stand between a woman whose ethics he questioned and a man, despite their blood connection, that was a virtual stranger to him.

“God Mac, why couldn’t I open up to you when I had the chance?”

(I don’t know Harm. Why didn’t you?)

“Mac?”

(Sorry Harm...I’m not really here, you know that. I’m thinking of you though. I’d be there with you if I could. I think you know that.)

“I do. It doesn’t ease the longing though.”
(I know.)

“I didn’t do it Mac.”

(I know that too. We all do - Bud, Coates, Harriet, even the Admiral.)

“I scared Coates.”

(Because of her history, maybe...but she knows you. We all know you couldn’t have killed Loren Singer.)

“That was my nephew that died too.”

(I’m sorry Harm. I know that children are important to you. One of these days you’re going to be such a great Dad.)

“But what if I get upset and scare our child, like I did Coates. I don’t like that part of myself very much.”

(Our child Harm? I guess you still have hope you can beat this. That’s good. You haven’t given up. Be strong Harm. Stop worrying about our baby. You won’t ever hurt our child Harm - or any other child.)

“Thanks Mac.”

“Shut-up!” hollered the guy across the hall in a similar quandary. “We’re all trying to figure out what happened and how we can clear ourselves. We don’t want to listen to your doubts or your fantasies.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Harm responded, before rolling over with his back to the door. He’d decided to try and get some sleep before his court appearance tomorrow. Maybe there would be a miracle that would clear his name. When he got out, he planned to go to the wall and talk to his father about his grandson that would now be with him.

Someday he hoped to take that child he and Mac would have together to the wall to introduce him to his grandfather. Maybe when the child was older he would also tell him about his cousin that only his grandfather knew. Somehow the thought of keeping the baby’s memory a part of his family history made it easier to mourn the loss now.

Seventy-two hours later
Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station

“Mac...come in,” Harm greeted as he stepped back from the door to let her pass.

“I thought I heard you talking to someone.”

“No...just entertaining myself...I’ve gotten use to it.”

“Harm, I’m really sorry I wasn’t allowed to see you,” Mac apologized as she slid off her coat.

“It’s okay Mac. I know you couldn’t be there...physically.”

“I know,” she said as she laid her coat down before turning toward him. “But I thought of you and thought about what I would say if I was there.”

“Whoa!” Harm’s shocked reaction reminded Mac that she hadn’t told him about her next assignment before turning and revealing her apparent condition. “Something we need to talk about Mac?” Harm asked as he recovered from seeing her appear pregnant and slowly approached extending his hand to touch her bulging belly.

“Sorry...I’m leaving on an assignment.” Mac captured his hand against her now padded stomach. For a moment they both pretended it was real and was there child. Mac lifted her eyes to his and smiled. “Maybe someday...”

“I know...I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Worrying about it you mean.”

“A little maybe...knowing that Rabb genes were part of Loren’s child...”

“Harm stop thinking about it. You did nothing wrong, and Agent Gibbs stuck with his gut instincts and proved it. He found the one responsible for Loren and the baby’s death. Let it go. Focus on the positive now.”

“So how long will you be gone and who are you working undercover with?”

“Harm, you know I can’t tell you.”

“Must be Webb. JAG business you could tell me about.”

“I am...but I’ll be fine. I’ll be gone a week or two probably.”

“When do you leave?”

“Soon...tonight...but I had to come see you first.”

“I wish you weren’t going.”

“I can stay a little while...half an hour or so.”

Harm stepped closer and slid his hands up and down her arms. “Mac, I...”

“What Harm? What are you trying to ask me...or tell me?”

“Can I hold you?”

Mac smiled and stepped closer to him, turning a little so that her pregnancy belly wasn’t as much in the way. She looked up and smiled.

“You can try...this thing is kind of in the way.”

“I don’t care. I wish it was real...I wish it was my baby you were carrying.”

“Harm...”

“I know...its not real, you aren’t ready yet, and I’m going to have you worrying about me instead of focusing on your mission.”

“I’ll do my job as quickly as I can so I can get back to you and this. I think I’m as ready as you are for this to become a reality,” Mac admitted as she relaxed in his arms, her head resting on his chest, soaking up his warmth and strength to take on the mission with her.

“You focus on the mission and coming home safe. Just think of me once in awhile when you are safe.”

“I promise. Harm, I really should be going.”

“I know. I never thought I’d have trouble letting someone go...but you’ve always been different.”

“Harm, you always have trouble letting things go.”
“Not physically. That’s been the easy part. But this time, its not so easy. I have a feeling that if I let you go, I’ll be letting go of the one dream I have that could become a reality.”

Mac knew that she needed to comfort him, but that she had to walk away for now. It was her duty. At the same time she wanted to assure him that she’s be back and in his arms for good...but she wouldn’t make a promise she wasn’t sure if she could keep.

“Harm, listen to me. I want to explore what we have and what we need to do to make this reality ours. I can’t do that, if I don’t complete this mission, but I promise you that I will do everything I can to come home to you.”

“And I’ll do everything I can to make sure you do. I can’t lose you Mac.”

“Let’s do this quick and get it over with Harm. Open your arms and let me walk away for now.”

It may have been the hardest thing either of them had done to this point, but when the door shut between them, Mac stopped and slipped into her coat. Wiping away the tears, as she buttoned her coat, she whispered, “I love you Harm.”

Inside the loft apartment, Harm knew that Mac had not heard his last desperate words, “I need you.” Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and tried to prepared himself for the loneliness that was closing in on him already. He vowed to himself that he would take the time to tune into people from now on so that he could be the person Mac and their child would deserve in their lives.

The ringing phone stirred Harm from his thoughts.

“Rabb.”

[My brother...you were right.]

“Sergei...how are you?”

[I am well brother, although confused. Why would a woman as beautiful as Loren Singer lie to me about my child?]

“I don’t know Sergei. We found out to late to help her that she had suffered a terrible childhood. It doesn’t excuse her, but it does explain some of the terrible things she did. Is Galina angry with you?”
[No, my beautiful wife knows that sense I met her, I haven’t looked at another woman. Speaking of beautiful woman, how is Sarah Mackenzie?]

“That beautiful woman is putting her life and our future in jeopardy by taking a dangerous mission.”

[Without you?]

“Yes. Sergei, I’m not cleared for active duty yet. That should happen tomorrow. I only got home from prison late this afternoon. When did they tell you the baby was yours?”

[Today. It was only one time and she said she was on a pill.]

“They do fail at times Brother.”

[Have you ever had one fail on you?]

“No...I have always lived with the believe that you can’t get too much protection. I am very selective as to who the mother of my children will be.”

[And one Sarah Mackenzie be on that short list, Brother?]

“Yes.”

[Along with how many others?]

“No others.”

[Mac will make a beautiful wife and mother for you. Will you marry soon?]

“I hope so. I’m ready when she is.”

[I want to be at your wedding, like you were here for mine.]

“I would like that Sergei, very much.”

[They told me I fathered a son.]

“Yes, I know.”

[How can it hurt so much to lose a child you never even knew about?]
“I don’t know...but I’m mourning the loss of my nephew as well.”

[I must go, Harm. I just wanted to share this with you...like real brothers would.]

“Thank you Sergei. That means a lot to me. You take care and I’ll let you know when Mac and I are ready to make it official.”

[God be with you Brother.]

“And you and yours Sergei.”

Harm disconnected the call. He stared at the phone. Loren Singer had spent her life trying to climb her way to the top ladder, not caring who she hurt on the way. She had prevented anyone from helping her and as a result, had died as a result of her double crossing. Yet as Harm sat there in his apartment, he saw the irony of the situation. In her death she had brought Harm closer to his brother and to Mac and the dream they shared.

In losing his nephew, he realized he was in fact ready to have a family and become a responsible adult with commitments and responsibilities. All he had to do now was wait for Mac to be ready too.

THE END