CHANGEABLE

Author: Theresa
Prompt: What if when AJ told Harm he was a civilian (upon return from Paraguay) Mac handed him her resignation letter with a few choice words about his (AJ's) having abandoned her to die after essentially making her (and Harm) available to the CIA again and again. (by Janlaw)


AN: Some of the dialog in AJ’s office is taken word for word from the episode.


**********


There were moments that define them. Both individually and together. Events that dictated the course of their relationship, or their careers, or their lives. Things unforeseen that sent them into a spiral, when they were expecting nothing more than an innards-tickling drop. They’d both imagined, at different times, Fate standing back in a corner somewhere, watching them simultaneously make fools and heroes of themselves. Neither of them believed that this would be one of those times. They were wrong.

She took a deep breath. “You ready?”

He shrugged. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“What do you think he’ll say?”

“I honestly don’t know. Whatever the verdict, I’m sure I’ll get a tongue lashing before it’s issued.”

She laid a hand on his shoulder. “You saved my life, that has to count for something.”

He held her eyes. Tried to smile. “I hope so.”

“He didn’t put my paperwork through when I quit.”

“This is true.”

She inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly. “You should be fine.”

“Here’s hoping. Should we go in?”

She nodded, and they knocked in unison.

“Enter!”

Admiral Chegwidden rose from his chair as they walked in and stood at ease in front of his desk.

“Mac, you alright?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Glad to have you back.”

“Permission to return to my duties?”

“Granted.”

Harm glanced at Mac. Back to the Admiral. Tried to remain casual. “May I be granted the same Sir?”

“Rabb. You resigned your commission.”

“Well I assumed that the paperwork...”

“I shot it up the chain of command of the CNP the next morning. You’ve been a civilian for the last 72 hours.”

Mac scowled at the chill in the Admiral’s voice, and wondered briefly just what had been said between the men when Harm had handed in his resignation. Whatever their conversation had been, the fact that she was alive and well should have been enough to warm the chill. Obviously she’d been wrong. She snuck a glance at Harm and the ball of lead that had been sitting in her belly since the day she’d walked out of his apartment in a pregnancy suit, grew by half. He was visibly shaken.

The Admiral watched a look of shock volley between them. “What? You thought I was going to sit on them?”

“That’s what you did when I left Sir,” Mac said. Trying to quell the sorrow and anger that was welling up inside her. Harm had given up far more than he bargained for to save her.

The Admiral sighed in visible frustration, but otherwise remained silent.

“Admiral...”Harm began.

“I’m not your Admiral. I’m your former commanding officer.”

“Sir, he saved my life!”

“Well, put him on your payroll!”

She was speechless, angry, shocked that her life would mean so little to him.

Responding to her look, the Admiral tried to smile. “Mac I am glad to see you, but I am equally fed up with this man’s lack of dependability.” He turned to Harm. “You know Rabb, you’re not a team player, you never consider the big picture, and you’re completely controlled by your emotions.”

“I can’t argue with that Sir,” Harm replied in a low, resigned voice.

“Good. So you need to go find something that allows you that independence. Drive a cab. Wrestle alligators, hell, I don’t know.”

“He’s been like this for years Admiral, why now?” Mac asked, trying her best to sway him.

Harm spoke up. “Because the Admiral has finally accepted the fact that I am unchangeable Mac. As you have.”

She felt the heat rise to her face, and suddenly knew why they called it ‘seeing red’. “You don’t need to be changeable, you need to get the job done. Which is what you have been able to do from day one!” She turned to the Admiral. “I can’t believe you. He’s always come through for you! He always gets it done! I wouldn’t be standing here if he didn’t. You knew I’d take the undercover mission with Webb, because that’s who I am. And you knew he’d come after me if anything went wrong. Regardless of the risks to his own life or career. You knew he would! It’s who he is.”

“He didn’t have to resign. That was his own choice.”

“You didn’t give him a choice! He can’t sit here and do nothing while my life is on the line, anymore than I would be able to if the tables were turned.”

The Admiral folded his arms. “And why do you think that is Mac?”

"Because we’re a part of each other," she said, as she moved toward the Admiral’s desk. “And if either of us could get over ourselves, something may have come of that. As it is, I’m not letting him take the brunt of my decision to go back and rescue Gunny. I landed myself in that torture shack.” She grabbed a pen and paper. Began to write quickly. “And he was the only one who came to stop them from killing me.”

The Admiral bristled. “Mac I couldn’t do anything to help you, my hands were tied.”

“So were mine!” She thrust her wrists forward revealing the angry bruises and abrasions on her skin. “And you want to punish the only man who came to undo those shackles.”

She picked up the paper she’d been writing on and handed it to him.

“What is this?” The Admiral asked, skimming quickly through her scribbled note.

Schooling her voice into a calm and professional tone, she said, “You told me to put him on my payroll. I might just do that. It’s my letter of resignation.”

Harm stepped closer. “Mac! You don’t have to...”

She raised a hand. “Save it! I’m as unchangeable as you are.” She looked the Admiral in the eye. “I’ll have the formal letter and paperwork on your desk by the end of the day.”

“Mac I’m willing to give you some latitude because of the ordeal you’ve been through, but you’re way out of line, and this isn’t something that will be reversed in a weeks time when you’ve come to your senses.”

“Admiral, he did this for me. I can’t ignore that, even if you can. Will you reinstate him?”

The Admiral folded his arms. “No!”

“Then it’s done.”

Harm took her arm as she turned to leave. “Mac, don’t do this! You don’t owe me...”

She pulled free. “You’re on my payroll, now. Come on Flyboy!” She said, and walked out the door.

For reasons he couldn’t fully explain, Harm smiled. “Yes Ma’am.” Maybe it was the fantasies he’d had playing in his head for years about her taking charge. Or maybe it was simply the realization that, even if he couldn’t talk her out of writing that formal resignation letter, she’d always be a Marine. You can take the woman out of the Marines, but not the Marines out of the woman.

Harm followed her back to her office. Where, as soon as the door was closed, she slumped into her seat and dropped her head into her hands. Her body shook with anger, sorrow, adrenaline.

“How did this happen?”

He sighed, “I don’t know.”

“How did we lose so much in so little time?”

He leaned in and put a hand on her chair. “You don’t have to do this Mac. There’s still time for you to go back in there and tell him you had a momentary lapse in sanity.”

“No. It’s done. Two weeks ago we had everything. Now we don’t have jobs, or piece of mind, or ... each other.” She met his eyes. “I’m sorry Harm. I’m sorry for all of it. I’m sorry that I made the decision to go on that mission.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known how it would turn out.”

“I know. But I’m sorry just the same.”

He nodded, and they fell into a brief silence. “So...Boss, are you going to offer me medical and dental? 401K?”

She chuckled. “Sure why not?” She scrubbed the cobwebs from her eyes. “You’re not really on my payroll you know.”

“So you’re not my boss?” He smiled in contrast to the disappointment in his voice.

“No.”

“So that was just posturing? You did it very well.”

“Thanks for going along with it, but you’re...free to go anytime.”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“What?”

“We’ve lost everything else. Given it up...How does that work if we aren’t together? What did we give it all up for if we lose each other too?”

“Harm after the things we said in Paraguay...I don’t know.”

“What if we erase Paraguay? What if we just wipe the slate clean?”

“I can’t. I can’t ignore it. Every time I close my eyes I see it. I smell it. Feel it in my bones.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “Okay maybe we can’t ignore everything but...it’s just... I *am* changeable Mac. Can I ask you to forget the things I said then and remember the things I’m saying now?”

“What are you saying now?”

“I’m saying, let’s try. Really try this time.”

“We tried to talk in Paraguay.”

“Who said anything about talking?” He held her eyes for a moment, allowing the connotation to settle. “I’m talking about doing. We’re doers Mac. We didn’t do anything in Paraguay, that was the problem.”

“We talked in circles around each other. That’s what we did.”

“It is our specialty,” He agreed.

“And it got us nowhere.”

“Exactly!” He moved his chair next to hers and leaned in, warming to his topic. “How about we try something totally different.”

“Why?”

“I told you I’m changeable Mac, I just need the opportunity to demonstrate.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Ask me again.”

“Ask you what?”

“The question. Ask me again.”

“Which question? Okay, no multiple choice,” She decided when he just cocked his head to the side and waited. “Hmmm...we said a lot of things. The only question I can think of is...Oh!” She met his eyes in understanding. She said it slower this time, without the marks of frustration to cloud the words. “You resign your commission and travel 5,000 miles to find me and damned near get killed, well riddle me this Flyboy. Why?”

He still said nothing. Merely reached up and stroked his thumb over her cheek. A smile almost played on his mouth. Almost. His eyes adored her. His lips inched ever closer. And in one swift fluid move, he hauled her against him, and lay the answer on her lips in a kiss that rivaled all that he’d given her before.

He rested his forehead against hers. “You understand?”

“I’m not sure I got that. You’re going to have to do it again...just to be sure.”

He kissed her again, or maybe she beat him to it, later neither of them would be able to tell.

Pulling back, she looked him in the eye. “You’re right, I would have understood that answer so much better than ‘I think you know why’.”

“Good.” He stood up and allowed reality to sink in. “I better get in there and start packing up.”

“And I have a letter to write.”

“You can still turn back Mac.”

She shook her head. “No.”

Humbled, he gave her an encouraging nod, and left the room. What the hell were they going to do now?

The End.