Title: Proper Application of the Imaginary Giant Bionic Finger Smasher

Author: TR

Rated: PG

Category: Humor/Romance

Ficathon Prompt: Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before.

This is set After Automatic for the People before the promotions and the engagement. Harm and Mac are together. Mac is having a really bad day, and Harm tries to help.


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Mac’s eyes narrowed to slits. Her grimace turning to a full on snarl, as she looked through her office doorway to see that woman. That woman and Harm. How many times had she found reasons to approach him today? Ten? Twenty? In the part of her mind that remained calm and objective, wherever that was, she knew it wasn’t nearly that many, but the multiplication rule applied. Especially on that day, Good Lord did it apply! On days where nothing, but nothing went right, and it was still hours before noon. When you’ve got paper cuts on your fingertips, hot coffee burns in your lap, and a hunger headache from hell, irritants were like dog years. One was worth five, or was it seven? Who knew? Who knew anything but that that woman needed to get her paws away from Harm. Not that Mac didn’t trust him, she just knew that he was too much of a gentleman to tell her, whoever she was, to get lost. Well she could tell her. She wasn’t a gentleman. She wasn’t a man at all. She was a strong red-blooded woman who knew how to handle interlopers. Well...she thought she did anyway. Actually she’d never had to handle an interloper before. But she figured she’d get the hang of it once she gave that woman a few good shoves toward the nearest door. Or a window. Yeah, a window would do just fine.

Mac hunkered down, took cover behind a stack of files sitting on her desk, closed one eye, and watched the two of them through the inch between her thumb and forefinger. When the woman leaned in and placed her hand on Harm’s side and then around his back, Mac snapped her fingers together, crushing the woman to smithereens with her Imaginary Giant Bionic Finger Smasher. She closed her eyes, ‘Man that felt good!’ Some of her tension subsided in the aftermath of her imagined victory. Her triumph, however, was short -lived as she looked up and found Harm watching her. The laughter on his face told the tale. He’d seen her little maneuver. Damn! Oh well. Just one more thing to deal with. The day really couldn’t get any worse than it already had been. She could handle whatever Harm had to dish out. In any form. Hmm...the thought nearly made her smile. Nearly. She shifted in her seat and winced as the fabric of her skirt chafed the tender skin of her coffee burnt thighs. Where were Marine sweats when you needed them? Her eyes briefly fell on the duffel she kept in the back corner beneath her desk. Protocol was the only thing that stopped her from shucking off her uniform in favor of something much more comfortable. Damn protocol! Damn coffee! Damn everything!

She should have just stayed in bed snuggling up to the big broad chest of...She raised her eyes in time to see the woman pressing her fingers deliberately to said chest. She was leaning in, and seemed to have captured Harm’s full attention. He’d made eye contact, and seemed to be listening intently. When he grinned and nodded at the woman, Mac’s temper flared along with her nostrils. She took small satisfaction in seeing Harm look away and step back from the probing hands of the intruder, but it wasn’t enough. Or rather it was. She’d seen quite enough. She was nearly out of her seat when Harm looked her way. He cocked his head to the side and studied her for a moment before he made a hasty excuse to his stalker and began to walk toward her office. Mac sat back and folded her hands over her stomach. Harm stopped in the doorway. Rested his forearm on the door jamb. In the other hand he held a paring knife and an apple. He must have been coming from the break room when Miss Hands Fingerman headed him off at the pass.

“The Imaginary Giant Bionic Finger Smasher, Mac? Don’t you think that punishment’s a little extreme this early in the day?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Mac...”

She simply looked at him. He thought she looked miserable, grouchy, dangerous, and downright sexy. He stepped inside and shut the door.

“Her name is Amy Harris,” he told her.

“And why would I need to know that?”

“I just thought you might want to know the name of the woman whom you’ve been glaring daggers at all morning. Not to mention pulling out the big guns.” He stuck out his thumb and forefinger and snapped them together.

She gave him smile # 256-3 on the All in Harmon Rabb’s Head Mackenzie Smile Chart. The one that said, ‘I smile merely to keep from crying and throwing objects large and small around the room.’ “Well, Amy Harris doesn’t seem to know how to keep her hands to herself.”

Harm laughed. “Good thing she doesn’t.”

Mac’s eyes flashed. “Well I’m glad you enjoyed being pawed.”

“Actually I LOVE being pawed, as you found out well enough this morning. Mac, Amy Harris is a professional Masseuse. She’s Cresswell’s niece. He brought her in to help the staff relieve some stress. I’d send her in here for you, but I’m afraid you’d crush her with a real weapon this time.” He took a step closer. “She was giving me a few pointers on how to help you with your back pain and headaches. Besides, she’s too young for me. And...”

“And...?” She asked, watching as he set his apple and knife down and moved to sit on the edge of her desk.

He reached over and stroked her cheek with the tip of his finger. “And...she’s not you. Baby, you have nothing to worry about.”

Her mouth quirked. “That’s Colonel Baby to you. And...” She sighed. “I know. I know I have nothing to worry about. It was just one more thing...This day has been...Ugh!” She let out a heavy breath and scrubbed her hands over her face.

“You okay?”

She didn’t answer.

“I thought you’d be working on the Hubert trial,” he said, gesturing to the open file on her desk.

“I’m afraid to touch it.”

He frowned. “Why?”

She raised her hands, splaying her fingers to show the multiple cuts on each of her fingertips. Harm’s brow creased in sympathy. “Ooh, those don’t look fun at all,” he said, softly brushing each of her fingertips one by one with his lips. “Where’s the coffee I brought you this morning?”

She rolled her eyes. “It ended up all in my lap.”

“Mac! Are you okay? That was an extra hot Mocha.”

“Believe me I’m well aware of how hot it was. I’m okay. Luckily I had a fresh uniform in the car.”

“Did you burn yourself?”

“I think scorched is the right word.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry Mac. I’m sure that hurt. Although...”

“Although what?”

He grinned and wiggled an eyebrow at her. “I bet your thighs taste delicious!”

That did it. He watched as her mouth quirked, quivered, fought to keep the good mad she’d been wearing all morning. He silently cheered her on. ‘Come on Mac. Give me that smile that makes me forget everything but you.’ Smile #537-6 on the All in Harmon Rabb’s Head Mackenzie Smile Chart. His eyes lit in delight as her composure broke, and he could have sworn he heard the Angels sing when that smile emerged on her face.

She chuckled, despite herself. “Yeah, like white chocolate Hazelnuts.”

He pulled her from her seat. “Mmmm...suddenly I’m hungry.”

She shoved away, but couldn’t quite shake the smile. “Behave yourself.” She rubbed her hands over her forehead. Mapping her headache. “You’re not the only one who’s hungry.”

“You didn’t eat the toast I made for you this morning before you left, did you?”

She looked sheepish.

“Mac! You can’t miss breakfast it’s the most important...”

“....meal of the day.” She mimicked him. “I know. Okay. I know. If I had known that eating that piece of toast would have made my day better, I would have eaten the whole loaf of bread. Satisfied?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Give me a minute to secure my office and we can go grab a bite. Maybe things will be better when you’ve got some food in you.”

She sighed. “It couldn’t hurt.”

She watched him walk away from her office. That perfect muscular backside shaping and moving his uniform in just the right places. Damn that man could fill out a uniform. Or really anything else for that matter. She watched his arm and back muscles ripple beneath the fabric of his shirt as he tossed the apple he’d retrieved from her desk up in the air and caught it. For a moment she wondered if he’d do the same with the paring knife in his other hand. Flip it up and catch it by the handle, or give it a vertical toss and throw it dart style into Vukovic’s office door, but he didn’t, he just walked on by, and...was he whistling? It didn’t seem fair that he was in such a good mood when she’d had her worst morning in recent history, but she couldn’t muster any bitterness toward him. After all he’d made it more than clear that morning before everything went to hell, that she was the reason he was so happy. She dropped her gaze and stared unseeing into the surface of her desk. A smile stretched her lips until it gave way to a full blow grin despite her stinging fingers and burning legs. He loved her, she made him happy. What had she ever done to be so lucky? She sighed and raised her eyes, grin still in place. Her eyes glowed as she looked through her office door toward the place where Harm had been. She was met with a matching smile and immediately sobered. Crap! She’d misfired and her grin had landed on Vukovic. That was all she needed. She watched him shrug his shoulders, test out his eyebrow mobility, check his breath, put on a swagger, as he mentally donned the robe of Don Juan. She rolled her eyes, and prepared to be both disgusted and amused. It wasn’t like Vukovic was all bad. Actually he was quite useful. If say, you needed to strike a match and didn’t have a rough enough surface, you could always use his chin. Did the guy know how to use a razor?

She sat straight in her chair, assuming a position of authority. Vukovic came in to the doorway and rested his forearm against the door jamb just as Harm had done. Why when he did it, did it only make him look slimier?

“You seem happy today Colonel,” he purred.

“I’m getting there. Is there something I can do for you?”

“Actually, now that you mention it...”

She inwardly cringed, and reached into her drawer to pull out the letter of reprimand form just in case she needed it.

“...I was wondering if you’d like me to grab...” Before Vukovic could say another word she saw Harm approach from behind. He turned as he felt Harm’s presence behind him. He swallowed hard, but feigned indifference.

“Commander. I was just about to ask the Colonel if I could grab her. I mean uh...grab her an early lunch, as I was uh...going out to get a bite to eat.”

Harm’s eyes narrowed. Nostrils flared. He said nothing. Simply lifted the apple he had in his hand, and in one swift stroke cored it with the paring knife.

Vukovic’s mouth dropped open. He tried to stammer something out, but couldn’t quite manage to form anything coherent. Harm continued to stare, and Mac swore she saw the lesser man shrinking before her eyes. Without a backward glance Vukovic stumbled out of the doorway and back toward his office. She saw Amy Harris meet him halfway with what she assumed was a genuinely concerned expression on her face. Wow, did that woman get around.

“The apple core trick Harm? Don’t you think that’s a little harsh for this early in the day?”

He folded his arms. “No I don’t.”

“You know that wasn’t very nice,” she said in amusement as Harm stepped in and closed the door.

“Ask me if I care.”

She stood up and came around the desk. “Do you care?”

He reached for her. “Only about you.”

She smiled as her eyes fell shut. His lips caressed her jaw and moved down to her neck.

“You know,” she whispered. “He wasn’t doing anything wrong. Besides he’s too young for me. And...”

“And..?” He murmured.

“And, he’s not you. You have nothing to worry about Baby.”

He smiled against her skin. “That’s Commander Baby to you. And I know, I know I have nothing to worry about.”

She pulled back. “Good. Now I’m hungry I’m gonna die!”

He laughed, and grabbed her coat, helping her into it. “Then let’s go.”

End