Part 11C/20


Harm had little time to think of the consequences of his earlier actions due to news of another terrorist attack in London. As he was clearing his desk to leave at 19:00, his phone rang. He glanced at the offending object debating whether to answer, then thought it might be Mac and grabbed the handset. “Rabb.”

“Harm, it’s Harriet…are you going to come get Sophie or are we keeping her for the night?”

“Harriet…Mac should have picked her up hours ago.”

“Ah Harm, she said that you would pick her up.” Harriet paused, “She seemed really upset when she called at 14:00…something about a discussion with you…and that was on top of the thing with Sophie and the doctor’s phone call this morning.”

“What thing with Sophie and which doctor called, Harriet?” He was beginning to get to more frightened as the discussion progressed.

“I don’t know, she didn’t elaborate about either…but Harm, I’m kind of worried. You don’t think she’d…no of course not. Look I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” he disconnected the line and immediately dialed their home number. When no one answered, he left a short message on the machine about picking up Sophie and being home soon. He then dialed her cell but only got voice mail and left a similar message. He grabbed his briefcase and headed for the car. He tried her cell and the home phone at every red light on the way to Bud and Harriet’s.

He quickly collected his daughter and drove home. He raced into the house but found no evidence of Mac’s recent return. Checking the answering machine, he found only the messages he’d left for her. He wondered up to the master bedroom to change clothes. While hanging up his uniform he spotted the envelope on his pillow. He sat down on the bed and picked up the letter with a trembling hand. He stared at his name written in her familiar handwriting across the front. Try as he might, he couldn’t make himself open the letter. He was roused from his inaction by Sophie’s cries. He placed the letter in his shirt pocket over his heart and went down to tend to his daughter. He settled her into her high chair with dinner and then pulled out the letter laying it on the table.

Sophie looked up, “Where Mama?”

“I don’t know baby. You remember that conversation we had about your Dad being a dolt, well Daddy really screwed up today.” Tears began to flow down his cheeks, “I think I might have driven Mommy away for good this time.”

Sophie began to sniffle. She didn’t understand what her Daddy was saying, but she’d never seen him cry before. She reached out her hand, “Daddee, pweeze.”

He picked her up and hugged her close. She wiggled from his grasp and picked up the envelope, handing it back to him. He nodded and opened the seal, immediately recognizing the familiar scent of Mac’s perfume. Sophie pulled out the letter and handed it back then sniffed the envelope, “Mama,” she grinned.

He smiled back and settled her into his lap before he began to read.




My Dearest Love,

I know that you are beating yourself up over the conversation in your office today. Harm, I know you didn’t mean what you said. You’re hurting as much as I am right now.

So before we can destroy all that we treasure, I’m going to take Bradley’s advice. After his wife and daughter were killed, he fell apart and could no longer care for his son. His family located a clinic on the East Coast that deals with grief and depression. He thought that they might help me as well.

I haven’t run away. I’m just taking a break to get some help, so that I can come back to you and Sophie a whole person again. I love you both with all that I am and I promise to return soon.

Bradley knows how to reach me, but I’ve asked him not to give you the number unless it’s an emergency. I think this is for the best for now. Please respect my wishes and needs.

I’ll be home soon my Love.

Yours Always,
Sarah





He set the letter back on the table and sighed. She hadn’t left him. She still loved him despite his stupidity and cruelty. He reached for the phone to call Bradley.

“Hello, Michaelson residence.”

“Hey Bradley, it’s Harm…Listen…”

“Harm, I can’t tell you where Mac is.”
“I know…I don’t want you to. I just wanted to thank you for being there for her when she needed someone…when I couldn’t be who she needed.”

“It was my pleasure Harm…Mac’s a special lady.”

“I know…and I almost blew it. Ah, listen…I need to apologize for my behavior towards you as well.”

“Don’t worry about, I know that wasn’t you. Like I said…I’ve been there…I understand. So if you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks Buddy…I think I’ll take you up on that. Mac’s not the only one having a hard time, I just tried to ignore it hoping it would all go away.”

“I’m here…Good night, Harm”

“Night...Buddy.”

Harm looked down at Sophie and ran his fingers through her soft curls. “Sophie my love, you’re lucky you only got Daddy’s looks. Cause your Mama’s brains were the better bargain. Let’s get you ready for bed.”

As he was ready to put her in the tub, the phone rang. He rushed with one naked toddler in tow to grab it before the machine could pick up.

“Mac?”

“No Captain…this is Dr. Horvath, the genetics specialist…I’m sorry to be calling so late.”

Harm looked down at Sophie who stood shivering in the night air. “Yes Sir, I know who you are. Look could you hold on a second, I was just about to put my daughter in the tub.”

“I’m sorry…I can call back tomorrow if you like. I just wanted to make sure that your wife was OK.”

Warning bells began to go off in Harm’s head. Harriet had said that Mac was upset about a doctor’s phone call. “No no, that’s OK. Let me just put her in the tub…I can talk on the portable.”

He carried Sophie into the bathroom and placed her in the tub. “OK princess, play nice while Daddy talks to the Doctor…OK.” Sophie nodded yes and began to swim around in the water. With a watchful eye, he returned to the phone conversation.

“I’m back Sir. Now what was this about my wife.”
“Well…you see…I have a new counselor in the office and she called Colonel Rabb to set up a follow-up appointment to go over both of your blood results.”

“Why would my wife be upset about that?”

“The counselor gave out information over the phone, which I prefer to do in person.”

“And that’s a problem why? I’m not sure I’m following, Sir.”

“Well, the counselor thought that Colonel Rabb misunderstood and was very upset. I was just checking back in to make sure that she was OK.”

“Doctor, clearly I’m not understanding this cryptic conversation. Why don’t you start from the beginning and tell me what the counselor told Mac.”

“Captain, I’d really rather discuss this information, with you and your wife, in my office. I have an opening tomorrow.”

“Sir, my wife left…to go…well, she’s really not coping well. I think you better explain to me what’s going on.”

The Doctor sighed, “Alright, you remember that we did blood work on you and the Colonel to further understand your son’s chromosomal problem.”

“Yes, you explained that David’s Trisomy 13 was a bit unusual and could be inherited.”

“That’s right…well…”

“You mean to tell me that Mac thinks David’s problems were her fault?”

“Well, I think that’s what she thought but I’m afraid she misunderstood. Look I really would like to discuss this with you tomorrow. Oh, and it would be helpful if you could bring your daughter along so that we could get a blood sample from her as well.”

“I don’t understand; why would Sophie need to have blood drawn…she’s fine.”

“I know that she doesn’t have Trisomy 13, but we want to make sure that she’s not a carrier. Carrier status can be inherited as well.”

“OK, I’ll bring Sophie along, but I still don’t understand. If Mac didn’t cause…” he paused as the understanding became painfully aware. His voice cracked, “David’s problems were my fault weren’t they?”

“Captain…I think this would be better to talk about tomorrow.”
“I don’t understand…I’m fine…how…”

“Captain…”

“Please explain, now. I need to understand now.”

“In your case the chromosomes are mixed up a little…a piece of one broke off and reattached itself to another. However, because all the right amounts are there, you’re normal…well a carrier…but normal. In David’s case he inherited your one normal chromosome 13 plus the extra material that had moved and reattached. He had too much chromosome 13 material. Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes, I think so…for tonight anyways. Sophie and I will be in tomorrow. Good night, Doctor.”

Harm sat stunned, in all the problems with Mac’s pregnancies, he’d never considered any of them were his fault. ‘Oh my gosh, I can’t even tell her,’ he thought. ‘She was blaming herself today and I had to add to the situation with my uncontrolled mouth. How will she ever forgive me, David was my fault.’

Sophie interrupted his thoughts, “Daddee, me done.”

He smiled at her and collected her from the water. After drying her off and dressing her in jammies he settled in for a bedtime story. He grabbed a book off the floor and flipped through the pages. It must have been new; he didn’t recognize the story. Sophie stopped his movements and pointed to the frog being kissed by a princess, “Dat Dabid Daddee.”

“What?” he stared at the picture and then remembered the frog prince that Sophie had given to her brother. His earlier conversation with Harriet flashed in his mind. “Sophie did you talk to Mommy about David?” Her dark curls flew as she nodded yes. “Princess, what did you tell Mommy?”

“Dat Dabid tawk to me in my sweep.”

“In your dreams?”

“Ees…Dabid is sad wifout Mama.”

Harm sighed and scrubbed his fingers through his hair, “What else did you tell Mommy?”

“Dat she my Mama too…and she habe to stway wif me not Dabid.” Sophie turned several pages in the book before continuing. “Bedides, Dabid habe two Frampas.”

Harm gasped, “You mean Grampa?”

“Nooo,” Sophie shook her head, “FR-ampas, two frampas.” She held up 2 fingers, “Frampa Dabid and Frampa Hawmon…So Mama can stway wif me.”

Harm felt the room closing in. How would Sophie know, he’d called his Grandpa Rabb, Frampa David and she’d never even heard about his father…she wouldn’t know to call him Grandpa Harmon much less, Frampa Harmon. No wonder Mac was disturbed today, between the doctor’s office and Sophie’s dream conversation with David. ‘Mac sweetheart I wish you’d call me,’ he mused.

He finished reading the story not even paying attention to the words. He got Sophie to sleep in the crib and retired to his bedroom. There was only person who could help him understand at this point. He checked the clock; it was only 20:00 in California. He dialed the number and listened to the rings. He was just about to hang up when she finally answered.

“Hello.”

“Mom, it’s Harm…I need to ask you some questions.”

“Darling are you OK…you sound funny?”

“Well,” he chuckled, “…it’s been kind of a rough day.”

“Is something…I mean Mac and Sophie are fine.”

“I’m not sure where to start…I found out today that David’s problems were my fault.”

“I don’t understand Harmon…how could they be your fault?”

“The short version is that, I’m a carrier for the kind of chromosome problems that David had.” Trish was silent for several moments. “Mom…Mom are you still there?”

“Yes Dear… well, that might explain a few things.”

“What do mean.”

“Harm did you ever wonder why you were an only child?”

“I just figured with Dad gone…well that was why.”

“Harm, I had 2 miscarriages after you were born. One was very early in the pregnancy, but the second occurred when I was about 8 months along. The baby, a little girl, was born with a lot of problems. They said that there was no way she could have survived.”

“How come I don’t remember any of this, Mom?”

“The first one was really early like I said…the second one happened when you were about 2 years old. You father was overseas and I wasn’t coping very well, so I sent you to stay with your Grandma Sarah for a few months. I think that was the beginning of the closeness between you two. Ah, I had one other pregnancy with Frank.”

“When, I surely would have remembered that?”

“It was the summer you went to Vietnam. You were so angry…we were afraid to tell you…and then I lost the baby…and there was no point.”

“Wow, so this may not have started with me? I’m so sorry Mom.”

“That’s OK Darling…I was happy with what I had.”

“Mom, can I ask you one other question? Did you tell Sophie about Frampa?”

“No…I haven’t heard that name since you were, what 3 or 4? Why?”

“Mac’s having some trouble…you know with everything that’s happened. Anyway Sophie told her about her dreams. She said David talks to her in her dreams…and she said he’s with his 2 Frampas. Mom I don’t know where she would have heard that term except you or me?”

“I don’t know Harm? Maybe she’s just mispronouncing ‘Grandpa” that’s how you came by the term ‘Frampa’.”

“I asked her that Mom…she’s adamant, David told her Frampa David and Frampa Harmon. I don’t know what to think Mom…I mean Mac gets these weird ‘visions’ sometimes.” He sighed, “Maybe I’m just tired.”

“How is Mac, Darling?”

“Ah, not so great…and a lot of that is my fault…I’ll spare you the embarrassing details.”

“Give her time Harmon. I’ve been where she is…it’s not easy, but she’ll be OK.”

“Thanks Mom…I think I’m figuring the time thing out. I better go…Love you.”

“I love you, too. Give Sophie and Mac a kiss for me.”

I wish I could he muttered as he hung up the phone. Sleep was going to be slow in coming again tonight. He hugged Mac’s pillow to his chest and stared into the dark.

Sophie woke up crying for “Mama” several times during the night. Harm finally brought her into bed with him. She wiggled and rolled until she found a comfortable perch prone on Daddy’s chest. She stared at him in the dim light for several minutes before asking, “Wen Mama comin home?”
“I don’t know princess,” he said with tears in his eyes.

She studied him a few more moments then wiggled up to give him a kiss. “I wuv you Daddee,” she sighed before tucking her head under his chin and falling fast asleep.

***

The first Saturday in October, Harm was puttering around the house making minor repairs. He’d yet to hear from Mac, but she’d checked in with Harriet and talked to Sophie several times. He was beginning to grow impatient. He missed her terribly and wanted to tell her about the genetics results. He hated that she blamed herself for something that was his fault.

Harriet had picked up Sophie early that morning to give him a break. His daughter had become clingy and demanding in Mac’s absence, never wandering far from her Daddy’s side. So Harriet had made big plans to spend the day with her ‘Girls’, as she called them. She promised Sophie a trip to the theatre to watch the latest Disney release, as a bribe to leave her father. Sophie had cried and refused to go until the offer of ice cream had been thrown in to sweeten the deal.

All alone and with an aching heart, Harm had decided to fix all of the things that had been on Mac’s ‘Honey-do’ list for the last 6 months. It was just past noon when he finished replacing the master bath showerhead with an upgraded massaging design and decided to give it a try. With the noise of the running water, he failed to notice the sound of the garage door opening or footsteps in the back hall. He stepped from the shower and quickly dried, shaved and dressed, pondering what to make for lunch. As he descended the stairs and rounded the banister in the front hall, he came face to face with a pair of dazzling brown eyes. He paused in place, staring back, waiting for her to make the first move. When the silence lingered to the point of unbearable, he shrugged his shoulders and asked, “What?”

She just continued to stare at him, taking in every detail…feeding off of his presence. He looked rugged and handsome standing there in well-worn blue jeans with the top button carelessly left undone. His soft white cotton oxford was untucked and unbuttoned with the cuffs rolled back. She suppressed an inward smile has she saw his bare feet and mused that she loved his long toes. As her eyes traveled higher, she noticed the damp hair that was gently tousled and spiked by impatient fingers…and then, she looked at his face. He had perfect lips, bowed and slightly parted, and his eyes…those eyes that one-minute looked like the sea and the next like the sky. Those eyes were her undoing, they could see to her soul. She shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts and then with just the hint of a smile replied, “I forgot how beautiful you are.”

He smiled back, “That’s my line.”

She grinned, “You used it last time, now it’s my turn.”

He extended an arm, “Are you home to stay?”

She nervously chewed on her lip, “If you want me.”
He extended both arms, palms up, “Only for forever.”

He had barely finished the words before she launched herself into his arms. He closed his eyes and held on tight. Whispered ‘I Love You’s’, ‘I’m Sorry’s’ and ‘Don’t Ever Leave Me Again’ were exchanged before their lips met in a long soulful kiss that spoke of love and need and forgiveness. When they finally separated, he allowed her to slide down the front of his body but wouldn’t release her…he couldn’t stop touching her. They stood that way for minutes drawing and renewing their strength.

When she took a step back, he noticed that she looked happy and healthy again. He ran his fingers down her arms and lingered to grab her hands, running his thumbs across her palms. He cocked his head to one side and observed, “You’ve put some weight back on.”

She frowned and bit her lip, “Is that a bad thing?”

He smiled, “No, you look perfect, absolutely magnificently beautifully perfect.” He ran his hands back up her arms pulling her into his grasp and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

She ran her fingertips under his shirt and over the skin at his sides. “I think you could still use a few pounds, Sailor. You haven’t been eating,” she scolded.

“I didn’t have much of an appetite…” he whispered, then raised a brow, “…but I think it’s returned,” his voice was muffed has he bent down to feast on her neck.

She pushed him away. “I meant real food…” she coyly replied then raised an eyebrow back before adding, “…for now.”

He laughed and grabbed a hand pulling her into the kitchen. “What would you like to eat…” he skipped a beat, “…for now?”

They played and teased and talked while they cooked and consumed their meal. Once the kitchen was in order again, they retired to the family room to catch-up on the events of the last month. With a fire dancing in the fireplace, he pulled her into his arms and proceeded to tell her about the talk with his mother, Sophie’s dream, Frampas and finally the results about David. They were both relieved to learn that Sophie’s genetics studies were completely normal and marveled that despite her initial tumultuous start in life, their daughter was happy, health, beautiful and brilliant.

In light of Harm’s risk to pass on David’s chromosome disorder again and Mac’s potential for another complicated pregnancy, together they decided that their family was complete with the four percent miracle that was their Sophie. With the major decisions of life now resolved they both tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. Just as they were nodding off wrapped in each other’s arms, Harm pulled a box from his pocket and presented it to her, “So we never forget?”

She carefully opened the small box, knowing it would contain yet another glimpse of their life in the form of a golden charm. Mac gasped as she took in the token of love; it was perfect in every intricate detail. “Where…did you find it?” She ran her fingers over the surface as tears pooled in her eyes.

“I discovered an artist who could craft a perfect miniature replica from a picture we had with Sophie. Do you like it…I wasn’t sure,” he nervously wiped the tears from her eyes. He took her face in his hands and whispered against her forehead, “I don’t want you to be sad…but I know that you want keep him close…keep his memory alive.”

She nodded, “It’s perfect…and so are you…I love you, you know.” She ran her fingers through his hair, taming the spikes. “Thank you for giving me time to figure things out…and for Sophie…and for David…and for loving me,” was uttered between kisses.

“But Mac…” he bit back his own tears, “…I’m sorry for David.”

She shushed him with her lips upon his and whispered, “I don’t blame you for David, anymore than you blame me for Sophie…so how about we each forgive ourselves as well?” She pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. He gave her a barely discernable nod and then pulled her back into him as they drifted off to sleep. The small box fell, from her now limp hand, onto the floor to reveal a small golden frog prince. As christened by Sophie, David was their little heavenly prince that was the perfect match to their beautiful mortal princess.

Several hours later, Harriet quietly crept through the house with the beautiful princess asleep in her arms. She located the exhausted parents on the family room couch; Mac lay asleep prone on top of Harm with her head tucked under his chin and their legs intertwined. He held her tight in his arms, his fingers gently rubbing circles on the bare skin of her back…even in his sleep he couldn’t stop touching her. Harriet smiled at the sight; her friends had found their way back home to each other…the planets were aligned once again. She crept back out the front door with the princess still in her arms. Left behind was a note stating that Mommy and Daddy deserved one night alone to reunite…she would return late the next day with Sophie…and they should enjoy their time alone…and enjoy they did.

***

17:30
Saturday, May 20th, 2006
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Surgical ICU

Mac awoke to the sound of a shuddering breath and the feeling of dampness on her shoulder. She looked around the room initially disoriented but quickly recognized her surroundings as the SICU. She glanced up to discover that her husband was the source of both the sound and the tears. She touched his arm, afraid that something had happened to Sophie. When she received no response she caressed his cheek, “Harm sweetheart, is something wrong?”
He’s only response was to whisper, “Sorry David…love you too,” as he continued to cry.

She puzzled over who David was and then realized he must have been dreaming. She gently shook his shoulders and soothed, “Hey Sailor, time to wake up…come on Harm.”

He slowly began to open his eyes and then blinked in the dim light of the room. He stretched and stared at her, unable to make sense of his thoughts.

She reached up to dry his tears and caressed his cheek, “Hey, are you with me now?”

“Wha…What’s going on? I mean of course I’m here…why would ask that?”

“Well…” she chuckled, “…you were pretty deep in dreamland there for a minute. Who’s David by the way?”

“David…” he pondered with a scowl, “…I have no idea, why?”

She smiled, “You said you were sorry David, I love you…should I be worried. You’re not batting for the other side now, are you?”

“Maaac!”

She giggled, “Ok, I guess I’ll keep you. What were you dreaming about anyway? You seemed really upset?”

He sighed, “I don’t know but it’s getting to be a frustrating habit.” At her questioning look he continued, “I’ve been having these intense dreams the last couple of days. They seem important, but I can’t remember them when I wake up.” He shrugged and wiped a hand over his face. “How about you? Are you feeling any better?”

She snuggled back against him, “I’m a little sore, but I think this is the best nap that I’ve had in weeks. I always sleep better with you.”

“Yeah me too.” He stretched and yawned one last time before spying the packages in the corner of the room. He got a mischievous look on his face, “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“Oh yeah, what might that be?” She was relieved to see his mood lighten.

“It’s a secret…but have I got a night planned for you, Mrs. Rabb,” he grinned and waggled his brows. At her look of concern, he leaned forward his lips touching hers with a butterfly touch, “Happy Anniversary, Sarah,” was whispered as he deepened the kiss.