Joy Cometh in the Morning

Ah, Chapter 13…at least it’s not Friday. I’ll let you decide if it’s lucky or unlucky. Did you know that a lot hospitals don’t have a 13th floor and often skip room 13 as well???


Part 13A/20

20:50
Saturday, May 20th, 2006
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Antepartum Unit

Sound asleep with Mac in his arms, Harm drifted into his magical dreamland once again. The future took shape in the fall of 2008. Mac had returned home from the clinic, Saturday, October 7th, and she and Harm had spent an enjoyable 24 hours reuniting on all levels. They were once again happy and at ease in each other’s presence.

They arrived at the Roberts’ home, late Sunday afternoon, to retrieve their bundle of energy. Sophie had been sullen and moody the entire weekend until she spied her Mama at the door. Shrieking with joy, she threw herself into Mac’s arms and refused to vacate that position until forced into her car seat for the drive home. Even then, she insisted on holding her Mama’s hand throughout the ride. She regaled her parents with stories about her weekend adventures.

“Mama, Aun Hawiet taked me to da movie-futer…me see Diznee and eat poop-corn.”

Mac giggled, “Poopcorn, uh? What else did my BooBoo Bunny do?”

“Unca Buz dot pumpeekins to darve for Twick-Tweet! Sowie get canny and drezz-up, Mama?”

Mac smiled, “Yeah sweetie, you can dress-up. What do you want to be?”

Sophie rolled her eyes, “Um…me be doggy wike Majjy?”

Harm laughed, “You don’t want to be a princess or a bunny?”

“Nooo, Daddeee…me awayz a pincezz an bunny! I wanna be a doggy!”

“Alright sweetie, you can be a doggy,” Mac soothed. “Do you want to stop and eat dinner on the way home?”

“Nooo…” Sophie scowled, “…me wanna go home wif Mama, nooow!”

“Ok Bunny, we’ll go home,” Mac stroked her hand. “You sound tired…do you just want to cuddle with Mama?”
“Yeez,” she yawned.

Once home, Mac carried a sleepy Sophie into the house and straight to her room. As she began to undress the toddler, she took note of the sticky grimy hands, arms and legs. “Hey Bunny, what did you do to get so dirty today?”

“Pway ouside wif Nicki and Hawey,” yawned the little girl. “Me habe owange poopsicle.”

“I think you need a bath before you go to bed little one. Would you like to take a bath with Mama?” At Sophie’s tired nod, Mac headed to the master bathroom with the toddler in tow. They settled into the warm soapy water, with Sophie lying prone on her mother’s chest, to relax and cuddle.

Twenty minutes later, Harm came into the bathroom and smiled at the sight of his wife and daughter. “Hey, did you two drowned in here?” he chuckled. Mac shushed him with a finger to her lips as she pointed to the sleeping child. “Sorry,” was whispered back.

“Would you mind taking her and getting her dried off and dressed?” She handed off Sophie to her father.

Sophie immediately began to whimper, “Me wan Mama.”

“It’s OK Bunny…Daddy’s just going to dry you off. Mama will take you back in a minute.” Before long everyone was clean and in PJ’s, Mac rocked Sophie for a long while before placing her into her crib.

Sophie awoke almost immediately, “No Sowie sweep in Daddee bed,” she pointed toward the door.

Mac patted her back trying to calm the crying child, “No Bunny, you have to sleep in your bed.”

“NOOoo! Me sweep wif you and Daddee!” Harm stuck his head into the nursery to find out what was going on. The presence of her father only incensed Sophie more. “Daddee, me sweep wif you!”

He looked up sheepishly at Mac, “I kind of let her sleep with me while you were gone. She missed you…I missed you…we kept each other company,” he shrugged and picked his daughter up out of the crib. “I didn’t think it would be a problem once you got home.”

“Harm, now we’re going to have to break her of the habit of sleeping with us.”

He smiled back, “How hard could it be? We’ll just let her fall asleep with us and then move her back to her crib.”

She looked back skeptically, “We’ll see…Harriet said it took AJ forever to learn to sleep in his own bed once Bud came home after his accident.”
The couple quickly found out how hard it was to break a toddler with the tenacity of a Rabb. Despite multiple attempts to get Sophie back to her own room, she ‘pitched a fit’, as she told them, with each return to her crib. They finally sought out the assistance of their pediatrician, who recommended ‘baby steps’ to get Sophie back to her room. They first placed her on the floor in a sleeping bag next to their bed. Each day they moved her closer to the door then to the hall. The final step was successful only after they bought her a new ‘Big Girl’ bed to sleep in. They celebrated, as only adults can, in early December when they finally had the privacy of their bedroom back to themselves. Both vowed from then on that children and adults belonged in their own beds.

***

As the Rabb family headed into the 2008 holiday season, they all passed around a ‘flu bug’ at Thanksgiving time. While Harm and Sophie recovered nicely, Mac continued to have problems with nausea and fatigue well into the beginning of December. At Harm’s insistence, she visited her internist when her symptoms failed to resolve.

She arrived home late one December evening, to find Sophie playing in the family room with Maggie. She quietly crept into the kitchen, where Harm was busy cooking dinner, and paused to watch her husband’s activity. It took several minutes before he sensed he was being watched and shot her a flyboy grin, “Hey Marine, how was your day? You’re kinda late tonight…court must have gone over.” When he failed to get a response, he observed her a little closer. She seemed withdrawn, scared even, and he approached her tentatively so as not to startle her. “Mac…sweetheart, are you OK?”

As he took her in his arms, she buried herself into his chest and whispered, “Tighter.”

“What…I don’t understand. Mac is something wrong.”

She ducked her head and again whispered, “Tighter…hold me tighter.” He felt the dampness of tears on his shirt and began to pull away to look into her face. She wrapped her arms around him and cried, “No…don’t let go…please, don’t ever let go.”

He hugged her tighter and rubbed his hand up and down her back in a soothing pattern, “Sweetheart, you’re scaring me…did something happen today?” She nodded but didn’t move out of his embrace. He remembered then that she’d had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon, “Mac…did you see the doctor today?” At her nod he continued, “Is something wrong?” She cried harder, “Oh sweetheart, whatever it is we can get through it together.” He lifted her face and kissed her forehead, “Now, tell me what’s wrong?”

She dripped her head again and mumbled between shuddering breaths, “Preg-na-ant.”

“What, I didn’t hear you?”
“I said…I’m…pregnant.”

“I don’t understand…I thought we decided not to have anymore kids. How did this happen?” he asked shocked. She cocked her head to the side with a ‘duh’ expression. He shook his head, “I mean…I know how it happened…but when…I don’t understand?”

She burrowed into his arms further, “It must have happened that first weekend I came home. We’ve been dealing with Sophie’s bed issue ever since.”

He shook his head again, “But I thought we decided no more…I mean we didn’t discuss you going back on fertility meds…did you just decide…”

“No…” she looked up at him with a firm gaze, “…I would never do something like that without your input. It’s just that…we weren’t trying, but we weren’t not trying, either.”

He looked puzzled, “What?”

“Harm we weren’t using any protection…” she pulled away from his embrace and began to pace, “…of course, who knew we needed to…I mean, we never got pregnant before without meds…I didn’t even think…”

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back in close, “Hey it’s OK…calm down. I’m not blaming you…I didn’t think about it either.” He kissed the top of her head, “What do we do now?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered back. They stood and held each other for a long while, until Sophie interrupted them by tugging on Mac’s skirt.

“Mama, up,” Sophie reached up her arms. As Mac picked her up, she regarded her mother’s face, “Mama, why you cwyin? What wong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Bunny,” Mac hugged her tight. “Mama just missed you.”

Harm pulled the pair into his embrace and whispered into Mac’s ear, “We’ll talk later.” He placed a kiss on her cheek, before pulling back to look at Sophie, “Well Princess, are you hungry? Daddy made pasta.”

Sophie bounced in her mama’s arms, “Yeah…Ba-sghetti…I hungee.” She rubbed her tummy, “Me have ice keem for beessert?”

“Sure Princess,” he took his daughter from Mac, “…but first we need to let Mommy change her clothes.” He smiled at Mac and motioned with his head for her to go collect herself and get changed into something more comfortable.

The family enjoyed a quiet dinner of spaghetti, topped off with ice cream for dessert. Mac chuckled at the sight of her daughter. Sophie had tomato sauce smeared all over her face, from side-to-side and top-to-bottom, and one lone noodle hung over the top of her nose. “Alright, Miss BooBoo…I think someone needs a bath,” was pronounced to Sophie’s squeals of delight.

While Mac bathed and settled the princess into bed, Harm cleaned up the dishes from dinner. Once the kitchen was spotless and the teapot put on to boil, he started a roaring fire in the fireplace. He filled two mugs with tea, and returning to the family room, dimmed the lights and waited for Mac to return.

As she approached the couch, he pulled her into his embrace and settled her between his legs. They sat in silence for 20 minutes, just giving and receiving strength from one another. Finally he spoke, “What do we do now, sweetheart?”

She sighed, “I guess I’ll call Dr. Abrahms in the morning…I just hope we can get an appointment quickly.” She began to tear up again, “I don’t know if I can do this again.”

“What do mean?” he rubbed his hand over her stomach.

“It’s just that…” she intertwined their fingers, “…if it were like Sophie again, I think I could handle that. It was tough, with the waiting, worrying, bedrest…then months in the hospital until we knew she was alright…but at least, we got to take a baby home.” She paused and wiped away tears, “I just don’t know if I can go through a David, again…going through an entire pregnancy, know the baby can’t survive…won’t survive.”

He took her hand and placed it against his cheek; kissing her palm, he whispered, “So are you saying, you don’t want to keep this baby?”

“No…” she turned to look him in the eyes, “…no, I could never do that. I just wish…why can’t it be OK…why can’t it be easy for us, just this once. Don’t we deserve a healthy baby, too?”

He pulled her back against his chest, “I don’t know why it can’t be easy, but we have another chance here…maybe this time everything will be OK.” He placed his hand over her stomach again, “I want this baby too, but this time we have to promise to be there for each other…like we were with Sophie. I don’t want us to pull away from each other, like we did with David’s pregnancy.”

She nodded, “No withdrawing into ourselves…”

“…or into our work,” he finished the sentence for her.

She turned her face into his neck, “I don’t think we should tell anyone about the baby for a while. I want to find out if things are going to be OK, first.”

“I agree…let’s see what Dr. Abrahms has to say, but I think we shouldn’t say anything until we have to…especially not to Sophie,” he kissed her forehead. “I’m not sure how she’ll handle things, if she loses another baby brother or sister.” He shifted them down onto the couch lying side by side. “Wouldn’t it be amazing if everything was perfect.” He closed his eyes and sighed, “I would love to have a healthy baby…”

“…boy,” she quietly finished.

Harm was awakened a few hours later, by the cool temperature of the room. He noticed that the fire had died out and that Mac was shivering in his arms. “Mac…” he gently shook her, “…sweetheart, what time is it?”

She burrowed further into his chest, seeking his warmth, “What…”

“What time is it?”

She squinted her eyes and cleared her throat, “Ah…02:00.”

He kissed her forehead, “I think we better go up to bed…come on.” He rose from the couch and began to lift her into his arms.

“Harm, I’m too heavy…you’ll hurt your back.” She looped her arms around him and buried her face his into his neck, even as she said the words.

He chuckled and placed his lips against her cheek, “I can get you to the front hall, but then you’ll have to walk. I don’t want both of us breaking our necks by falling down the stairs.”

They managed to make it to the master bedroom, change into sleepwear and climb into bed with very little effort. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, both wistfully dreaming of their new baby.

***

They sat in Dr. Abrahms office 2 days later. The kindly gray-haired physician smiled at the couple, “Well kids, here we are again.” At their amused expressions he grinned, “Sorry, anyone younger than me is a kid these days.”

Mac smiled back, “I guess we should be flattered, not to many people consider us kids, anymore.”

Harm smiled, “Yes Sir…ah, we would like to discuss our options with this pregnancy. We had decided not to have anymore children after David, but…I guess nature decided otherwise.”

The physician nodded, “OK…it looks like your due date is July 3rd…that would put you at about 11 weeks right now. There are several options to consider. First, we’ll perform an ultrasound today, to confirm that this is a singleton pregnancy. We can proceed to a CVS, chorionic villous sampling, that will give us the quickest genetic results.

“What does a…chorio…ah, CVS entail,” asked Harm.
The doctor explained, “It’s a procedure in which we take a sample of the chorion, the outer membrane that surrounds the fetus, to send for chromosome results. That would tell us whether this baby has Trisomy 13.”

“What are the risks to the baby?” queried Harm.

“There’s a small risk for miscarriage and limb reduction abnormalities.” At Harm’s questioning look, he continued, “that means the arms and legs can be affected. The risks with CVS are slightly higher than with an amniocentesis.”

“NO!” Mac declared.

Harm looked at her, “Sweetheart, what do you mean, no?”

She shook her head, “No CVS and no amniocentesis. I went into preterm labor last time. I’m not taking that chance again.”

Dr. Abrahms countered, “Sarah, if we don’t do one of those procedures, we won’t know for sure whether the baby has a genetic abnormality, until after it’s born.”

“There must be some other way, because I’m not having the procedure.”

“Mac,” Harm grabbed her hand, “I can understand why you might not want the CVS, but the amnio with Sophie went fine.”

“You can’t say that…I had the amnio with Sophie because I was already in preterm labor…I was already on magnesium to control my contractions. I’m not taking the chance, Harm.”

“OK,” he soothed, kissing her hand, and turned back to the doctor. “What other options do we have?”

Dr. Abrahms sighed, “You’re going to need early genetic results if you want to terminate the pregnancy. There really isn’t any other reliable way, without the CVS or amniocentesis, to get those results.”

“We don’t want to terminate,” Mac tightened her hold on Harm’s hand. “If we think that this baby is affected then we agree to limit resuscitation, like last time…but we plan to proceed with this pregnancy.”

“Are you sure you want to go through that again,” asked the doctor.

Harm nodded, “Yes…we’ve already discussed it, and we want to continue. This is our last chance for a baby and as difficult as the last two pregnancies were…we’re willing to take the risk.”
The doctor nodded, “OK, since we’re not dealing with termination, we have a little more time to figure things out. I still won’t be able to tell you 100% that things are fine until the baby’s born, but there are some tests that can help discern problems earlier.”

Harm and Mac agreed, “Tell us your plan.”

“First, we’ll check your blood work, for abnormalities, at your next visit. The blood test is called a triple screen, and sometimes it’s abnormal with aneuploidy…ah, trisomy, an extra chromosome like David’s condition. Of course, with David’s pregnancy, your triple screen was normal, so a normal blood test may not be helpful. Next, we’ll perform your first ultrasound today…we want to make sure we’re dealing with only one baby.”

Harm released a terse breath, “Amen to that.”

The doctor smiled, “That first ultrasound won’t really tell us anything other than if this is a singleton pregnancy. We’ll do the next ultrasound at 18 weeks…that should be more helpful in identifying any abnormalities. We found the problems with your last pregnancy during that second ultrasound. We may decide to do follow-up ultrasounds depending on what we see with the second. As I said before, we won’t know for sure if the baby is normal until it’s born. I recommend a neonatologist be present for the delivery to perform a complete physical exam, and blood work will be drawn at delivery to assess for Trisomy 13 or carrier status. Do either of you have other questions or concerns?”

“No I think you covered everything…do you have any other questions, Mac?” He squeezed their joined hands and looked at his wife.

“No, I think I’m good,” she sighed, “…it’s just going to be a long waiting game. Ah…Dr. Abrahms, we don’t really want anyone to know about the pregnancy for the time being.”

The doctor smiled back, “I understand…now, how about we get that ultrasound done.”

The couple moved into the procedure room and Mac reclined back onto the table. The technician prepared the machine, “I think you’ve been through this before?” At their nod, she continued, “OK, Dr. Abrahms wants both an abdominal and vaginal ultrasound today…he wants as accurate dating as possible.” As the tech squeezed the warm gel onto her abdomen, Mac grabbed for Harm’s hand. They saw the screen come to life with a blizzard of snowy images. The tech pointed to a white comma-shaped image on the screen, “There we go…only one fetus in there.” She flicked on the sound switch and the room was filled with a strong audible heartbeat. Mac closed her eyes and Harm leaned over to kiss her forehead. He continued to run his fingers through her hair throughout the rest of the exam.

Once they were finished, Mac dressed and they headed back to the car in silence. Seated in the car, Harm turned to her, “How do you feel?”

“Good,” she looked back with a radiant smile.
With a puzzled expression, he asked, “Do you know something I don’t?”

“No, not really…but we have one baby…with a strong heart beat. That’s a good place to start,” she smiled bigger. “I have a good feeling about this baby, and I intend to be optimistic.”

He grabbed her hand and gave it squeeze, “That’s good enough for me. You want to go to lunch and celebrate?” At her nod, he leaned over and kissed her, “I love you, Sarah.”

“I love you, too,” was whispered as she deepened the kiss.

***

As her pregnancy progressed, Mac settled into her condition with silent joy. The nausea and fatigue, that plagued her early on, resolved by Christmas time. Her follow-up visit in mid-January revealed a normal triple screen blood test. She and Harm celebrated in private, each knowing that the result didn’t rule out an abnormality, but praying that the normal test was a sign of good things to come.

The couple arrived at Dr. Abrahms’ office, in early February, for their second ultrasound. The doctor agreed to be present for the scan, so they would know the results without delay. In the procedure room, Mac shivered in the cool climate, more from nerves than temperature. Harm paced the room, covering its small length in a few long strides before turning for the return trip. After several round trips, Mac encouraged him to sit, “Navy, you’re making me more nervous than I already am.”

He took the seat beside the exam table and grabbed her hand, “Sorry sweetheart, I just can’t seem to sit still. With our first two pregnancies, I looked forward to this day, but this time I can’t wait for this to be over.” He blew on her hand and briskly rubbed it, “I know this room is a little cool, but your hands are like ice.”

She gave him a slight smile, “Nerves more than anything.”

He nodded and kissed her forehead, “So have you thought about any names yet?”

She shook her head, “No, I didn’t want to think that far ahead…you know, tempt fate?”

He cupped her cheek in his hand and leaned in whispering, “I know…me, too.”

At that moment, Dr. Abrahms and the technician entered the room. “Good afternoon, Sarah…Harm,” he greeted. “This ultrasound is going to take a little longer to perform; I want to make sure we have a good look at all parts of this little one.”

Mac pulled Harm’s hand tightly onto her chest, as the tech smeared on the gel. He leaned in close and whispered, “Good luck, Marine…it works for my quals, maybe it’ll work here, too.”
She looked up at him and smiled, “Good luck, Sailor,” and leaned up to give him a quick kiss.

Dr. Abrahms concealed a grin. He really liked this couple and hoped all was normal for their sake. “OK, ready? Let’s dim the lights and get started.” Harm and Mac studied the screen as images came into view. The doctor described each part as it was visualized, “The fluid around the baby is normal and the weight is perfect. The brain and spine appear normal. The chest looks good…heart and lungs are normal.”

Harm grinned at her and whispered, “That’s one.” She understood he meant the heart, since it was one of the most common abnormalities in Trisomy 13.

Dr. Abrahms continued, “The liver, spleen, kidneys and intestine look good.” He moved on to the extremities, “Arms and legs are normal…ten fingers and toes…perfect, no rocker bottom feet or clenched overlapping fingers. Look at that,” he pointed to the position of the hands, “the baby looks like it’s praying.”

Mac turned toward Harm, as a tear escaped her eye and slid down her temple. Harm placed his lips against her skin to dry the teardrop, “Are you OK?” He ran a finger over her opposite cheek. She nodded, and made a mental note to herself, to tell him about her conversation with Dr. McCool.

Dr. Abrahms looked on, “Is everything all right…still with me?”

Harm nodded, “Yes Sir…just a little emotional is all.”

“Alright…now, let’s look at the face…normal eyes and nose…mouth looks good, no clefts in the lip or palate.”

As the baby turned in profile, Mac gasped…he was perfect and beautiful…the phrase, a gift from God flashed through her mind. She looked at Harm, “He’s beautiful.”

He raised a brow, “He…did I miss something?”

Dr. Abrahms laughed, “Not unless I missed it too…that’s where we’re headed next.” He moved the wand around and got a perfect wide leg shot, pointing at the screen, “Well, he’s definitely a boy…showing off for the camera, girls are usually more shy.”

Mac looked up wide-eyed, “He’s got a little tail,” she grinned.

“Maaac,” Harm blushed, turning toward the amused doctor and technician, “Private joke, compliments of Sophie.”

Dr. Abrahms laughed, “That’s a new one. Well kids, everything looks normal. Like I said before, we can’t be absolutely sure…but I don’t see any features of Trisomy 13 in this little guy.”
“Thank you,” Harm replied with a crack to his voice.

The doctor nodded, “Congratulations, so far…I’ll see you both in a month.”

The technician moved away the equipment, “You can get cleaned up and dressed now Colonel Rabb.”

Once they were alone in the room, Mac began to cry. Harm pulled her into his arms, confused at her tears, “Sweetheart, Dr. Abrahms said everything was OK…why are you crying?”

It took her several minutes to gain control again. Still wiping away tears, she replied, “I’m just relieved…happy…in awe.” She took a deep breath, “Do you remember my car accident, in December, just before we got together.” At his nod, she continued, “Well I was having flashbacks…remembrances of an appointment I had with Dr. McCool. We talked about a lot of things.” She smiled, “A lot about you actually…she made me finally see…no admit, that you were who I wanted all along.” She leaned forward to place on kiss on his lips, “Thank you again, for waiting for me.”

“Your welcome…and we both played a role in our delays…” he grinned, “…and stupidity.”

“Anyway…” she laughed back, “…during that visit, we discussed my infertility. I told her about an ultrasound picture of Harriet’s twins…the babies were positioned in a way that looked like they were praying. I told her, it wasn’t enough to be a mother…I needed to create a life…carry a child.” She drew a deep breath and released it, as tears again began to fall. “Today, when I saw his hands…clasped in prayer. That conversation flashed back…it’s like it was a sign…he’s an incredible gift from God.” She bit her bottom lip, “Do you understand…or do you think I’ve lost my mind?”

He pulled her closer and dried her tears, “I understand perfectly and couldn’t agree more.” He placed a hand over her growing abdomen, “This baby came when we gave up…he is a gift from God.” He kissed her again, “Now get dressed, so we can get out of here and go pick up our other miracle. It’s about time she found out about her new baby brother.”

***
Continued in Part 13B