Joy Cometh in the Morning—Part 17

AN: Please read to the end before you throw stones!!!


Part 17A/20

02:00
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
Rabb House

Harm turned on his side, kicking the blankets to the foot of the bed. He pounded a fist into his pillow trying to find a more comfortable position, as he muttered in his sleep, “I’m sorry Mac, but I already promised Bradley.”

***

Harm’s dreams moved forward to the fall of 2013. The Rabb family was happily thriving. Sophie, at age 7, had just started the 2nd grade and loved everything about school. She was bright, engaging and well behaved, well at school anyways. At home she was equally energetic and verbose; although at times, she tested both of her parent’s patience. Sammy, for his part, remained ever the quiet and patient child. At the age of 4, he was often overshadowed by his big sister, although if necessary, he could hold his own in a battle of wits. They continued to be exact opposites, an ever-present contrast in the MacKenzie-Rabb personality traits.

The first Saturday in October, Harm hurried through the house collecting his gear. He’d planned to pick-up Bradley for a day of flying in Blacksburg. Problem was, he’d forgotten to tell Mac about his plans. Of course, he refused to admit to that little omission, when Mac presented a list of chores and activities the family was to have accomplished that weekend. When the topic of Saturday’s activities had come up the day before, he’d simply thrown out that Mac must have forgotten about the plans with Bradley. They’d argued about details throughout the evening and had both gone to bed angry.

As he grabbed his leather flight jacket, he leaned in to give Mac a quick kiss goodbye. She diverted her head, causing him to miss his intended target. “Mac, are you going stay mad me all weekend? Look I’ll be home by early evening…we can do whatever you want tomorrow, but I’m not canceling on Bradley today. We don’t have that many nice days left this year to take Sarah up.”

“Harm, you promised the kids we could all go to the country today. We were supposed to pick apples…take a hayride…is any of this sounding familiar?”

“We’ll take them tomorrow. I don’t see what the big deal is…they’re perfectly happy to wait…I already talked to them.”
She shook her head and sighed, “Fine, do what you want…you’re going to anyways.”

As she started to walk away, he reached for her arm, “Hey, aren’t you going to wish me good luck and give me a kiss? I don’t want us to spend the whole day being angry with one another.”

She pulled away, “Harm, you made your choice. Go…have fun…I’ll see you when you get home.”

He stared at her for several seconds before responding back in a perturbed tone, “Fine, I will…but do you remember the last time you refused to wish me luck? Things didn’t go so well then.”

She rolled her eyes, “That’s a low blow, Harm. Now, I need to go check on the kids…I guess we’ll have to find something else to do today. Let me know when you can work us into your schedule.”

He opened the garage door and yelled back over his shoulder, “Yeah, I’ll do that…and love you, too!”

Over the next hour, Mac went from fuming and talking to herself, to slowly gaining perspective. It was just one day, what was the big deal. They could always go out with the kids tomorrow. She looked out the window and noticed a few more clouds in the sky. The weather forecast was for a perfect cool clear fall day; surely the presence of a few clouds didn’t mean anything bad. She glanced at the clock; Harm and Bradley should be stopping for breakfast just about now. She waged a war with herself and finally gave in. Grabbing the phone, she dialed his cell and was immediately forwarded to voice mail. She sighed and hung up, reasoning he must have been out of range. She waited another 20 minutes and tried again, but was immediately forwarded a second time. This time she left a message, “Hey Flyboy, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I hope you and Bradley have a great time flying today. I love you and good luck. I’ll see you when you get home.”

She and the kids spent the next couple of hours cleaning the house and watching cartoons. By 11:00, she could no longer ignore the worsening weather conditions. The television ran a continuous banner, warning of a rapidly approaching storm front. The sky was now dark gray with angry looking black clouds, and the first of the raindrops were already pounding against the windows. She paced the living room; surely he wouldn’t try to fly in this weather. She’d tried his cell phone multiple times, but was never able to get beyond the recorded message. She didn’t know if that meant continued poor reception or if he’d turned the thing off to avoid her calls. She’d even tried the airfield in Blacksburg, but no one had seen the pair of Navy boys yet that day.

She clutched at her chest, no longer able quell the sense of unease that had arisen in the last hour. At first she reasoned with herself, ‘I’m sure he’d call if something was wrong,’ then she argued with his imagined form, ‘Come on Harm…call back…I need to know you’re OK. Please, pick up the phone, Flyboy. I’m going to kick your six into the next world, right after I kiss you senseless.’ Finally, she bargained with God, ‘Please let him be OK. I promise I’ll never let him leave the house again without wishing him luck and telling him I love him.’
By 14:00, when she heard the knock at door, she closed her eyes to blink back the tears at the impending sense of doom. She slowly opened the front door to find the Admiral on the other side. She flashed a pained smile, “AJ, what a nice surprise. I wasn’t expecting you…I know the kids will be thrilled.” AJ stared into her eyes with a solemn expression, and in that moment, she knew their lives would never be the same. She cried out, “No…tell me he’s OK. Please, tell me he’s OK.”

AJ stepped across the threshold and pulled her crumbling form into his arms. “Mac, the police called from Blacksburg. They contacted Bud and Harriet when they found the next-of-kin contact card in Bradley’s wallet.”

She cried into his chest, “No, they’re OK. They have to be…they just went flying. He promised to be home for dinner. It’s all my fault…I didn’t wish him good luck.”

AJ rubbed a hand up and down her back, “Sssh…you don’t want the kids to hear you. Calm down and listen for a minute…they never made it to the airfield. They didn’t take the plane up.”

She pulled back stunned, “They weren’t flying? They didn’t crash?”

He didn’t know how to tell her, “Mac, honey…no, they weren’t in the plane.” At her flash of relief, he paused hating to continue, “Maybe we should sit down.”

She quickly sobered again when his words of encouragement ceased, “AJ, what aren’t you telling me. If they weren’t flying then what happened?”

He directed her to the sofa and sat down beside her. Picking up her hand, he continued, “Apparently they had a flat tire just outside Blacksburg. Harm got out to change to the spare…it had already started to rain, so Bradley stayed in the car.” He paused a moment to consider how to phrase the next few thoughts, “Ah, a car came along behind them…in the bad weather, the driver didn’t notice Harm’s SUV off to side of the road.” He watched her eyes widen in horror, “The ah…the car veered off the road and hit the SUV. Bradley’s in the hospital with a broken arm, cuts and abrasions…he’s unconscious, but they don’t think there’s a serious brain injury.”

She stared him at him with tears trailing down her cheeks, “What about Harm?”

AJ pulled her back into his arms, “He didn’t make it, Mac…the car hit him dead on…he didn’t have a chance.”

She began to sob uncontrollably, “No…no…no…he can’t be dead. I didn’t wish him good luck. I didn’t tell him I loved him. Our last words to each other were in anger…he can’t be gone.”

Finally noticing the loud sounds coming from the living room, Sophie and Sammy came running in to check out the commotion. AJ was able to stop them at the door before they could see their mother’s face. “Hey kids…why don’t you wait right there. I’m just talking to your Mommy for a minute and then I’ll come play with you.”

Sophie noticed her mothers violent shaking despite the suppression of the audible cries. “But Papa AJ, what’s wrong with…”

AJ shook his head and motioned with eyes, “Hey Sophie, why don’t you get Sammy something to drink…I’ll be right behind you. Go on now.” Sophie grabbed Sammy’s hand and headed back toward the kitchen.

AJ glanced back at the emotional woman in his arms. ‘Why did fate have to be so cruel…hadn’t this couple been through enough for three lifetimes?’ He cupped her cheek with his hand, “Mac honey, Harriet will be over to pick up the kids in a little while. I don’t think we should say anything to them just yet…we can tell them Harm had car trouble and we need to go pick him up. Once the kids are gone, you and I can drive up to Blacksburg…you need to identify the bod…ah, Harm.” She broke down again at the mention of Harm’s body. He pulled her back against him and rocked her in his arms, “I’m so sorry, Mac…I can’t begin to imagine how you feel.”

She whispered, “It’s my fault…if only I’d wished him good luck.”

“No,” he soothed, “…it’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault…and he knew you loved him, he wouldn’t have doubted that for a moment. Now, why don’t you go upstairs and pull yourself together before we talk to the kids. I don’t want to scare them.”

She nodded and slowly rose from the couch. Just before she got to the front hall, she turned back, “Thanks for coming, AJ.” She released a shuddering breath, “I’ll be back down in a few minutes.”

She climbed the stairs and walked into the master bedroom. She paused immediately at the sight of the unmade bed…their bed. Instead of fighting last night, they should have been making love. She took a deep breath only to rapidly exhale when she was inundated by the smell of him. He was everywhere…how would she ever survive without him.

She walked quickly toward the master bathroom to get away from the overwhelming memories and emotions evoked by their bed. Passing into the bathroom, she stumbled into the door, knocking down a robe…his robe. She slowly picked it up and ran a hand across the soft woven surface…he’d been wearing it only a few hours ago. She placed it back on the hook, so he’d know where to find it when he got home…then closed her eyes against the tears; he wasn’t coming home…ever.

She leaned over the sink and splashed cold water on her face to calm her emotions. She rubbed a hand against her temple trying unsuccessfully to quell the beginnings of a headache. Reaching into the medicine cabinet to retrieve some aspirin, she instead picked up his razor and stared at the implement. He’d had this particular razor for years. It had been a gift from his mother when he’d entered the Academy. Despite her best efforts to get him to use a new one, he’d insisted on using the old single blade instrument, almost as if it had been a right of passage into the navy…a link to his past. She hadn’t understood his devotion to the old relic, but now as she stared at its silver surface…she closed her eyes and imagined him running the blade over his cheeks. This old razor had spent more time caressing his skin than her fingers or her hands…or her lips.

She looked up into the mirror shocked at her appearance then threw the razor onto the counter. ‘How dare he leave her and the kids, didn’t he know they needed him. He’d promised to always be there…and he’d never broken a promise until NOW!’ She glared at bottles of his toiletry products and shaving accessories; with one angry swipe of her arm, they hit the floor and scattered in all directions. His bottle of cologne shattered against the marble tile. She was once again thrown into an avalanche of flashing memories at the spicy smell of the fragrance. She fell to her knees and began cleaning up the mess. She needed to restore the bottles to their rightful place on the counter, as if by doing so, she could restore him to his rightful place in her bed, in her arms…in her life. She muttered as she cleaned up the glass, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. Please come back…I need you. I promise I’ll never get angry again, just please come home.”

Harriet found her sitting on the floor, her clothes reeking of his cologne. She gently brushed the hair away from Mac’s face and her heart broke at the devastated and empty countenance of her best friend. She kneeled down next to Mac and took the shattered remains of the cologne bottle from her hands. She tugged at her hand, “Come on, sweetheart…we need to get you into some clean clothes. AJ’s waiting for you downstairs and the kids want to say goodbye.”

Mac stared straight ahead unseeing and whispered, “I need to clean up the mess. I didn’t mean to break the bottle. Everything needs to be in its proper place when he comes home.” She reached forward and picked up his razor; it had broken in two on impact. “Oh no…he’ll never forgive me. What am I going to do…it’s irreplaceable.”

Harriet took the razor from her fingers, “It’s OK, Mac…it doesn’t matter.”

Mac glared at her friend, “Yes, it does! It’s his favorite…he won’t use anything else. What have I done?”

Harriet wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to her feet. Slowing propelling her to the closet, Harriet grabbed a small suitcase from the floor. “Sweetie, why don’t you change clothes and I’ll pack an overnight bag for you. AJ can bring you to our house after…well later, you and the kids can spend the night with us. I don’t think you should be alone.” She scurried between the closet, dresser and bathroom packing the necessary items. When she returned to the closet, she found Mac sitting on the floor dressed in jeans and one of Harm’s old Navy sweatshirts. She was clutching her chest and gasping. Harriet knelt down in panic, “Mac, are you alright?”

Mac continued to rub her chest over her heart, “He’s not gone. I can still feel him, here. He’s calling to me.”

Harriet released a worried sigh, “Oh boy…maybe I better go get the Admiral.” She patted Mac’s shoulder, “Stay right there, sweetie. We’ll be right back.”
When AJ came in a moment later, he found her rocking to and fro, chanting, “I’m right here, Harm. I’m coming…hold on Sailor, I’ll be there soon.”

AJ gently touched her face, “Mac, honey…are you OK?” When she failed to respond, he continued on with apprehension, “We need to get going. I already sent Harriet on home with the kids. I hope that’s OK; I didn’t think they needed to see you like this.”

She stared into his face and blinked rapidly, “What did you say?”

“We need to get going…Blacksburg’s a long drive.”

She nodded and began to rise from the floor at the offer of his hand. “AJ, he’s still alive. I know it; I can still feel him.”

AJ placed and arm around her waist to guide her through the bedroom, “Listen honey…I know you want to believe that, but the police checked his identification.”

“NO! You have to believe me. I can still feel him, here,” she pointed to her heart. “If he were gone, I would feel empty…dead, but I don’t. I can feel him calling to me, like when he went down at sea. I need to get to him.”

“Sarah…”

“NO! I won’t believe it until I see for myself!”

***

The ride to Blacksburg was a quiet one. The weather had only marginally improved, making the roads still slick and treacherous. Mac shivered in the cool fall air despite the heavy sweatshirt. She watched unseeing out the window as the landscape flew by and periodically whispered, “I’m coming, sweetheart…just hold on.”

By the time they pulled into the hospital parking lot, AJ was really concerned about Mac’s state of mind. He helped her from the car and ushered her into the Emergency Department. They were directed to the morgue area of the hospital. AJ did most of the talking while Mac barely noticed her surroundings. She continued to massage her chest over her heart; it was as if she felt an actual physical pain.

They were directed to a family waiting room outside the viewing area. He helped Mac settle into one of the stiff chairs before handing her a bag of personal effects. She slowly untied the cinched string at the top of the bag and withdrew the contents. She gasped at the sight of the leather flight jacket and buried her face in the fur at the collar. Tears once again flowed down her cheeks as she repeated, “No, it can’t be him…I still feel him…he has to be alive.”

AJ knelt beside her chair and ran his hand in a circular pattern over her back. He blinked back his own tears as he spoke, “Honey, you knew this is what you’d find. They’d already ID him from his driver’s license. I know this is hard to accept, but when two people love each other like you and Harm did, I’m not sure that connection ever goes away…even in death. He’ll always be with you in your heart and soul.”

She looked up panicked, “Where’s his phone?”

AJ shook his head in question, “I don’t know, Mac. Why do you need his phone?”

She began a furious hunt through the bag, his coat pocket, anywhere to find the phone. His wallet fell from the breast pocket of the flight jacket and landed open on the table. She picked it up and stroked the picture of she and Harm. It had been taken for their engagement announcement. Actually, it wasn’t the official picture, but the one they had loved the most. They were dressed casually in jeans and white cotton oxfords. The photographer had caught them unawares, staring at each other with a look of total devotion. Her breath caught at the thought of him never looking at her in that way again. As she flipped to the next photograph she closed her eyes against the pain. Sophie and Sammy…their children would grow up without their father. Why was it destined that the Rabb children should grow up without their Daddy’s love and support, throughout their lives?

She pushed away the wallet and again searched for the phone. She had to know. Finally locating it in a side pocket, she flipped it open and noticed the low signal. He’d left it on; he wasn’t avoiding her calls. She paged through the voice mail and found her message had never been retrieved. She chewed on her bottom lip and wiped away the tears. “He didn’t know,” she whispered.

AJ frowned, “He didn’t know what, honey?”

She held up the phone, “He didn’t get my message. He didn’t know I apologized and wished him luck…and told him I loved him.”

AJ took her into his arms, “He knew, sweetheart…he knew. I promise you, he knew.”

They were interrupted by a grief counselor knocking at the waiting room door. “We have the body ready for your viewing.” She gestured toward the door, “If you’ll just follow me, I’ll take you next door.”

AJ helped Mac up from the table and supported her movements into the next room. As they entered the room, he and the counselor held back while Mac approached the body. Her eyes widened as she gasped, “This isn’t my husband.”

The counselor moved to her side, “I understand this is very difficult, but your husband suffered quite a bit of trauma. I’m sure that makes it difficult…”

Mac cut her off and pointed toward the body, “No, that is not my husband. I don’t know how you made the identification; but that man isn’t Harmon Rabb…he’s Bradley Michaelson. I know my husband.”

AJ slowly approached, “Mac, I know Harm and Bradley look similar enough to be brothers, maybe…”

“AJ, aside from me recognizing my husband’s face…that man has brown eyes.”

AJ walked closer, observing the man in more detail, “You’re right, Mac…that is Bradley Michaelson.”

The counselor interjected once more, “Are you sure…I don’t want to make a second mistake?”

Mac closed her eyes, as the spectrum of emotions she’d experienced that day, threatened to overwhelm her. “Yes, I can tell you with 100% certainty that is not my husband.” She wiped away tears as they fell in every emotional hue imaginable, sadness, joy, relief, laughter…Harm was alive! She turned back to the counselor, “My husband has the most extraordinary beautiful eyes. They change colors with his moods and emotions. When he’s upset they’re the same color of gray as a storm tossed sea. When he’s overjoyed, they’re a beautiful blue-green the color of the sky as it meets the ocean just before dusk. When he passionate, they go from green to charcoal black…but never, ever are they plain ordinary brown.” She brushed a finger lightly across Bradley’s cheek and winced when she thought of Charlie…poor Charlie, he’d now lost his entire family. She needed to get out this room. Walking toward the door, she begged, “Please help me find my husband?”

The counselor followed, “Of course, right this way. I’m so sorry for the mix-up. I can’t imagine what you and your family have been through today.”

Mac smiled back, “Don’t worry about it. I knew he wasn’t gone,” she glanced toward AJ. “I just really need to see him with my own eyes, and touch him, and tell him I love him. Please, can we hurry?”

***

The pair was directed to the ICU, where Harm had been admitted. It had taken some time, to sort through all the logistics and paperwork, to raise Harmon Rabb back to the land of the living. Mac paced nervously outside the ICU; the doctor had wanted to speak with them, before they were allowed to visit. She couldn’t wait to set eyes on her sailor once again.

They were approached by a middle-aged gentleman, “Hello, I’m Dr. Rodriguez. I’ve been taking care of your husband since his admission. We’re just correcting all the paperwork…I’m not sure I’ve ever had a patient rise from the dead before, but I’m thrilled to give that kind of news.”

Mac returned a slight smile, “I’m Sarah Rabb and this AJ Chegwidden. How’s my husband…I really would like to see him?”
“His vital signs are stable. He fractured both bones in the lower arm, so his left arm is in a cast. He also fractured 2 ribs on the same side. He has multiple bruises and lacerations; we had to suture places on his face.” Mac’s eyes widened at that comment. “Don’t worry,” the doctor pointed to the areas, “…one on his left forehead near the hairline and one just to the side of the left eye. They are both in places that should heal nicely without noticeable scars. He’s breathing on his own and his cardiac status is normal.”

Mac frowned pensively, “What aren’t you telling me?”

The doctor nodded and sighed, “He hasn’t regained consciousness yet. He was unresponsive when the paramedics arrived on the scene. In the ER we performed a skull series and a head CT…the good news is both look normal. The only explanation I have for the lack of his conscious state is a concussion. There’s no obvious head trauma, though. We’ll just have to give him some time…if he doesn’t rouse in the next 24 hours, we’ll perform another scan.”

Mac nodded, as tears appeared in her eyes, “I understand…can we see him, now?”

The doctor smiled and extended his hand toward the door to the ICU, “Of course, if you’ll both follow me…I’ll take you to see him.”

AJ extended his arm and Mac hooked her hand through. With a gentle pat, he winked at her, “Let’s go see that husband of yours. I’ve got a bone to pick with him, for worrying us all like this.”

Mac grinned, “Thanks, AJ.”

They entered the quiet room and Mac walked over to the bed. She leaned over Harm and ran her fingers through his hair. When she began cry at the sight of his bruised face, AJ placed an arm around her shoulders and squeezed in support. She bit her lip and whispered, “It’s him…it’s really him. I told you he was still alive. I knew he hadn’t left us.”

AJ place a kiss on the top of her head, “Yes, you did…I should’ve known not to doubt this thing…connection…whatever it is, between the two of you. I’m so happy and relieved for you and the kids.”

Mac looked up with concern, “The kids, Bud, Harriet…we have to let them know.”

AJ nodded, “I’ll take care of it. You just stay here with Harm.”

As AJ left the room, Mac sat down in the bedside chair and took Harm’s hand in hers. “Hey Sailor, you gave us all quite a scare today. You need to wake up and give us some answers. Like, why was Bradley wearing your coat, and why didn’t you answer my calls, and….” She stoked his arm, as she began to cry again in earnest, “Never mind all that now, you just need to wake up and talk to me. I’m so glad that you’re alive,” she wiped away the tears and inhaled a deep shuddering breath, “and I’m so sorry about this morning, sweetheart. I promise to tell you that I love you, everyday for the rest of our lives. Just please wake up.”

AJ found them that way, 20 minutes later, when he returned. He squatted next to the chair, “Mac, I talked to Harriet. Everyone’s relieved that Harm’s going to be alright, but Bradley’s parents are headed to their house this evening. They don’t know about Bradley’s death yet, neither does Charlie. I think they’re going to need some help dealing with the situation. I’m going to head back home tonight and offer my assistance with the kids, Bradley’s folks, whatever. I brought up your overnight bag…thank goodness Harriet had the foresight to pack it. I’ll be back tomorrow with Bud. If you give me your keys, Bud can drive your car here, that way you’ll have a vehicle to get you both home.”

Mac reached into her purse to retrieve the requested object, “Thanks for everything, AJ. I don’t know what I…we would do without you. I’ll check-in with Harriet after while…I need to say goodnight to the kids and let them know everything’s OK.”

AJ leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek, “Stay strong, Marine.”

She smiled, “I will…give the kids a kiss for me. Love you, AJ.”

He beamed as he squeezed her shoulder, “Love you guys, too.”

***