Joy
Cometh in the Morning—Part 20/20
This is the end of
the tale. I hope you have all enjoyed MY version of the rest of Harm
and Mac’s life. Despite what a few may say to the contrary, I
think Harm and Mac will be blissfully happy and content. They took
too long and worked too hard to get to the point of marriage for them
take anything for granted.
Part 20A/20
11:30
Sunday,
May 21st, 2006
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Antepartum Unit
Harm
inhaled deeply in his sleep, smiling as he detected the floral and
orange scent of Mac’s shampoo. He relaxed deeper into the bed,
pulling Mac firmly into his embrace. The images of his dreams flitted
through his mind before settling onto the image of a formal
event.
It was May 18th of 2030, and the Rabb family was
enjoying a double celebration. Harm watched with pride as his son led
his mother to the front of church and kissed her gently on the cheek,
before helping her into the designated pew. Sam made a striking image
with his 6-5 height, dressed in formal Naval mess dress. He had just
completed his 3rd year at the Academy and had been offered early
acceptance to the University of Virginia School of Medicine in the
fall of 2031. He had already decided to follow in his father’s
footsteps and serve in the Navy upon his graduation from the
Academy.
Harm paced nervously in the church vestibule awaiting
the beginning of the ceremony. He thought back over the events of the
previous 2 years. He’d been asked by the new Republican
President to leave his position as the JAG and join his cabinet. He
received his 4th star along with his appointment to the Chairman of
the Joint Chiefs of Staff after the 2028 election. Mac had been
offered the position of JAG, but declined it to remain the Chief
Trial Judge of the Judiciary. She’d received her 2nd star, 3
years earlier. They’d both decided, that at the end of Harm’s
4-year term, they’d retire to civilian life. Both hoped to
spend their time enjoying hobbies, travel and hopefully just being
grandparents. In Mac’s stead, the Navy still managed to appoint
their first female JAG. To everyone’s surprise, now Admiral
Tali Mayfield had been early promoted to the post. She was fulfilling
her duties with honor, integrity and fortitude. Much to the SecNav’s
consternation, she wasn’t a pushover. Harm contemplated whether
his daughter might one day have the opportunity to fill the same
command post; but then thought, he wasn’t sure he’d want
his little girl to have to deal with the likes of a Secretary of the
Navy. The world was an ever-changing place after all.
Sophie,
his thoughts wandered to his firstborn. She had graduated from the
Academy in 2028, and as promised, joined the Marine Corp. like her
mother. She had just completed her 2nd year of law school at the
University of Virginia, and was promised a position in the JAG Corp.
upon her completion. Her soon to be husband had also graduated from
the Academy, and was currently a fighter pilot in the Navy. Harm
shook his head and smiled; there was still a member of the Rabb
family flying jets. He just hoped, the fact that said family member
wasn’t a blood relative, meant the Rabb curse for crashing
planes ended with him. Sophie and her fiancé
had approached he and Mac, with a simple request. The promised pair
had wanted to be married on Harm and Mac’s 25th Wedding
Anniversary; but since that day fell on a Monday, the wish was not to
be. In compromise, it was decided that Sophie should be married in a
formal evening wedding, on Saturday, May 18th with the understanding
that her parents would join in the celebration. Harm and Mac had
balked at the idea of impinging on their daughter’s special
day, but Sophie refused to be wed unless her parents also celebrated
their anniversary. So this 18th day of May, in the year of 2030, was
to see two Rabb celebrations: the first, the beginning of a new union
with future and promise, and the second, a more mature union still
blessed with love for eternity.
Harm glanced up at the noise
of a rustling gown, before him stood a vision of beauty in the form
of his daughter. Sophie had always been tall, elegant and beautiful;
but tonight, she took his breath away. She was dressed in a gown of
cream silk. The bodice was beaded with pearls and dipped in the front
to set off the pearl choker around her neck; the back dipped further
still and was lined in small satin buttons at the midline. The skirt
was form-fitting at the waist but flared as it descended to the
floor. The train attached to the back waistline in a series of tiny
tucks and pleats. The hem of the skirt and train were edged in
imported lace and beaded with pearls. She wore a pearl choker with a
filigreed diamond locket suspended from the center; her ears were
adorned with a similar pearl and diamond design. The jewelry had been
an heirloom passed on to Sophie from her Gummy Trish at her death.
Sophie’s hair was pinned to the crown of her head in a series
of curls that then cascaded to the nape of her neck. Her veil was
attached to a ring of flowers that intermingled with the dark curls
of her hair. In her hand, she clutched a cascade of cream-colored
roses. Sophie had insisted on roses, for the wedding floral theme, in
honor of her parents’ first meeting and the beginnings of the
Rabb Family story.
He approached his daughter, fighting back
the tears that threatened to fall. He leaned in to place a kiss on
her cheek and whispered, “You look absolutely beautiful,
princess.” He extended his right arm and she placed her hand
through the bend of his elbow. He winked once and smiled, “Are
you ready for this.” She smiled back, fighting tears of her
own, and nodded in affirmation. As the doors were opened, the music
of Pachelbel’s, Kanon in D, rang from the chimes of the
organ, filling the sanctuary with its elegant refrain. He took a deep
breath and stepped forward, guiding his daughter in the processional
that would begin her new life. As he gazed forward to front of the
sanctuary, he looked into the deep blue eyes of the man who had loved
his little girl almost as long as he had. Charlie still wore that
same amazed look of awe, admiration and love that he had that very
first Christmas Day so long ago. Harm couldn’t have asked for a
more perfect man to entrust with one of his greatest treasures.
The
wedding and anniversary reception was held at the National Botanical
Gardens just as Harm and Mac’s had been 25 years prior. The
bridal couple and her family waltzed through all the obligatory
dances, toasted and cut the cake, and accepted congratulations from
all the well wishers in attendance. Finally, as the night grew to a
close, the orchestra played one last song. As the first notes filled
the room, Harm approached his wife and extended his hand. “Dance
with me?” A radiant smile graced her face, as she nodded to her
eternal love. He pulled her into his arms and began to softly sing
the words. He had picked the song because he thought the sentiment
described their love. The words of each verse read like an academic
discussion of the conventionally held views of love: flowers, candy
and the like. But the refrains, those were the words and music of two
lovers in conversation and dance: emotional, intimate and caring.
The
book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn
thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions
for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And
you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in
it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just
transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
He
pulled her closer into his embrace and settled their joined hands
over his heart. He softened the tone of voice and sang the words into
her ear with the conviction and emotions of a deeply held prayer.
But
I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me
anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written
very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And
things we're all too young to know
As
he guided her around the dance floor, the noise of the room stilled,
except for the beautiful notes of the orchestra’s refrain. He
gentled his words further and with the slightest of movement signaled
his daughter to approach.
But
I
I love it when you give me thingsAnd you
You ought to give me
wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And
you
You ought to give me wedding rings
As
the final notes and words of the last refrain came to a close, he
twirled her away from his embrace and paused briefly to accept a
perfect red rose from his daughter. As he gathered his wife back into
his arms, her back to his chest, he placed the rose into her fingers.
When she had accepted the delicate flower, he reached into its center
and withdrew a golden eternity ring, encrusted in diamonds from front
to back, in an unending circle. Placing the ring on her finger, he
sang the last words of the refrain, altering their text.
And
I
I love to give you things
And I
I ought to give you
wedding rings
I ought to give you wedding rings
The
final notes dying into the quiet of the night, he pulled her to him
and whispering, “I love you, Sarah,” placed a kiss upon
her lips. When the quietness of the room was interrupted by the
applause of their friends, they ended the kiss but remained in a
tight embrace. He leaned into her ear and whispered, “The
inscription inside the band says ‘Love For All Eternity’
with the initials H and S intertwined. Thank you for giving me a
second chance at eternity.” He pulled back to wipe the tears
from her eyes and led her out to the balcony away from prying
eyes.
As they existed the door, Sophie handed her mother a
beautifully wrapped gift. Walking onto the balcony, they breathed in
the cool night air and smiled at the familiar scent of roses. They
closed their eyes and reveled in the closeness of each other’s
embrace. After several moments of silence, she ran her hand up his
chest and around neck to get his attention. When he opened his eyes,
she extended the gift, “I have something for you as well. I
love you, Sailor.” He removed the intricate wrappings and
opened the box to reveal a gold Rolex watch, with diamonds inset at
the four corners, marking the hours. She explained, “It’s
an automatic watch. It will run for eternity as long as you wear it.”
She smiled and turned the watch over to reveal its inscription. The
engraved words encircled the watch in an unending circle, ‘Harm,
Thank You For Giving Me Eternity, Love Forever, Sarah’. The ‘H’
of Harm and the ‘h’ of Sarah were intertwined in an
intimate embrace of sorts. Tears welled in his eyes as he pulled her
close and whispered, “Thank you.” She whispered back,
“It’s like our love, eternal. Once we leave this earth,
our love will live on in our children. I thought you could pass the
watch on to Sam, so that our eternity never has to end.”
***
His dreams moved forward in rapid flashes with fleeting
images, but little detail. He saw graduations, another wedding
ceremony and births…giggling grandchildren and love, always a
deep sense of love and happiness…and contentment.
The
final scene came on a fall evening in October of 2046. Harm wandered
in through the back door of their small cottage style home. With
advancing age, the upkeep of their large 2-story house became
increasingly difficult. As Mac’s health problems became more
severe, it was impossible for her to climb the stairs to their
bedroom. Since sleeping apart was not an option either would
entertain, they’d made the decision to sell the home that
they’d owned for over 30 years. They had been lucky to happen
upon the cottage that was now their peaceful abode. Although the
house was small, it sat on a beautiful property overlooking a lake.
There were gardens that encircled the structure and extended
throughout the backyard. They’d spent many evenings together on
the back deck just watching the beautiful sunsets over the sparking
still water.
As he approached the bedroom, Margaret, the
private duty nurse, who had been hired to assist with Mac’s
care, intercepted him before his final destination. “Sir, could
I speak with you for a moment?” He nodded his assent with a
smile. Margaret had been a godsend. She was patient and caring, never
complaining about the odd extended hours or the meddling interference
from family members. She motioned toward the front room, “Perhaps
we could sit down and talk in the living room.”
Harm
felt a sense of dread arise, to form a tight restrictive band around
his chest, breathing became almost impossible. He nodded once more,
unable to speak. He slowly led the way into the room that was growing
dark in the shadows of the evening light. He closed his eyes,
overwhelmed by the sense of foreboding, evoked by the darkness. Mac
had loved this room. It was bathed in early morning sunlight. She’d
commented as such, when they’d first toured the house, the
light at sunrise warmed her spirits and drove away the chill that
seemed a constant companion to her old bones.
As they sat
together on the couch, the nurse turned to him with sorrow in her
eyes. She’d been down this road before; it was never easy to
let go of someone you loved. This kindly old couple had touched her
heart; they were still so connected, so young at heart at heart…so
much in love. She gave a slight smile and began to speak, “Admiral
Rabb, the General’s having a much harder time breathing. She’s
in constant discomfort,” she paused to strength her resolve
then continued on in a sympathetic voice. “Sir, I think she
holding on for you…she’s waiting for you to give her
permission to let go. She needs to know that you’re going to be
OK.”
His eyes widened, immediately glazed with tears,
“But I don’t understand, she seemed so much more alert
today. I mean, she visited with Sophie and Sam and all the
grandchildren,” he begged her understanding.
Margaret
bowed her head slightly, avoiding his sad eyes, “I know, Sir.
She wouldn’t take her morphine, today. She wanted to be alert,”
she looked up again to make sure he grasped the significance, “…to
say, goodbye.” She watched as the first of the tears slid down
his cheek. She reached out to take his hand, “She needs you to
tell her, it’s OK.”
He closed his eyes, unable to
stop the tears, “I don’t think I can do that…I
can’t let her go.”
Margaret squeezed his hand, “I
know it’s hard…but it’s the most loving and caring
thing, you can do for her. She wants you to be there…with her,
just the two of you…she’s already said her goodbyes to
the children.” She paused a moment, “I can stay through
the night, if you’d like?”
He shook his head and
whispered, “No…we’ll be fine. Please, go home to
your family.”
She nodded back, “Yes, Sir. Can I
get either of you anything before I leave?” He shook his head
again, but was unable to vocalize the words. Margaret stood and
leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek, “It’s been a
pleasure taking care of Sarah and all of your family. I’ll be
by in the morning, Sir. Please, call me if…if, you need
anything. I’ll be home all night.” She placed one last
kiss on his cheek, and gathering her coat and supplies, headed out
the door.
He sat in the dark room, alone with his thoughts.
All of Mac’s requests, over the course of the day, made sense
now. He’d thought it odd that she was so awake. She’d
spent the morning visiting with their children and grandchildren. She
hadn’t had the strength to accomplish that feat in weeks. Then
this afternoon, she’d asked him to tell her the story of ‘US’
from the rose garden, to their marriage, to the birth of their
children, and through all of their lives right to the present. When
she closed her eyes, he thought she’d fallen asleep, but each
time he stopped telling the story…she would open her beautiful
brown eyes, and beg him to continue. They’d finally both fallen
asleep exhausted at the end of the tale.
He closed his eyes
tightly, as the tears continued to fall, how could he let her go. She
was as much a part of him, as his own soul. He sat quietly for a long
period of time, trying to collect himself, then rose slowly from the
couch and dragged his feet down the hall. Pausing again, to place a
smile on his face, he slowly opened the door and was immediately met
by the sound of her labored breathing. He quietly approached the bed
and leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek. She opened her eyes and
graced him with a beautiful smile. He returned the smile, “Hey
sweetheart, can I get you anything?”
She gave a barely
perceivable shake of her head, “No…come…sit
with…me.” She closed her eyes again, exhausted by the
effort.
“I’m coming sweetheart, just let me turn
off some of these lights.” He turned off each light in the
room, leaving only the dim bedside lamp for illumination. Crawling
into bed beside her, he pulled her into his arms, with her head
resting on his shoulder. They lay quietly for several minutes; both
afraid to voice the words, each knew needed to be spoken. The only
noise in the room came from the bubbling of the oxygen and her
labored gasps.
Finally she opened her eyes, “Harm,
I…”
He interrupted her with a soft whisper, “I
know, sweetheart. I talked to Margaret, tonight. She told me you
wouldn’t take your pain meds today.” He paused to
withdraw a shaky breath, “It’s been an amazing
journey…thank you for giving me 50 wonderful years.”
She
looked up into his eyes, “Know I’ve…been…out…of
it…but…only…married 41 years…Sailor.”
He
smiled then closed his eyes as the tears once again began to fall.
“You’re right about that, but we met 50 years ago in a
rose garden…don’t tell me you forgot.”
She
reached up to his face to wipe away a tear, “Could…never
forget…best…day…of…my life.
Love…you…forever.”
He turned his face to
kiss her palm, “Best day of my life, too. Who would have
thought, that that first electrical spark of a handshake in a rose
garden, would have a led to the most extraordinary journey of love.
Thank you for each and every moment. I promise I love you more now
than the day that we met and everyday in between.” He looked
away for a moment to catch his breath, then gazed into her eyes with
absolute devotion, “Sweetheart, I know you’ve tried to
keep going for me and the kids…but it’s OK to let go…the
kids will be fine. They’ll miss you, but we raised them to be
strong. You’re such a huge part of who they are…you’ll
always be with them, by their side…in their thoughts and
dreams…and love.” He had to stop speaking to blink back
tears, “It’s OK to let go…I love you.”
She
closed her eyes to gain strength, “Promise me…you’ll…be
OK…too.” He looked away lest he reveal his thoughts.
“Harm?”
He looked back, “I can’t…I
can’t make that promise. You’re the other half of my
soul…I can’t promise to live without that
half.”
“Harm…the kids…need…”
He
shook his head and looked deeply into her eyes, “I can’t…I
won’t make a promise, I can’t keep. Please, Sarah…don’t
make me.”
She placed her finger against his lips to
quiet his pleas, “Recite…poetry…for
me…please.”
He nodded his head and took a deep
breath, “Yes…just give me a minute to collect myself.”
He leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead and then began
recite.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
She
looked up, “You…never…did…that
one…before.”
He kissed her again, “I never
thought I could make the words express just how much I love you.”
He inhaled a deep breath, “But I think I can now…especially
now.”
She smiled with tears in her eyes, “Thank
you…for my…eternity. I…love…you…Sailor.”
He
closed his eyes and whispered, “I love you too, Marine,”
and then he began to recite.
How
do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth
and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of
sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the
level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I
love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as
they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In
my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a
love I seem to lose
With my lost saints, --I love thee with the
breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --and if God choose,
I
shall but love thee better after death.
As
he spoke the last word, she exhaled her final breath. He placed one
final kiss upon her lips then pulled her tightly into his embrace. He
repeated over and over, “I love you, Sarah…I love you,
Sarah….” As he continued to cry, he inhaled deeply at
the crushing pain in his chest. His eyes grew wide, was this what
losing the other half of your soul…your heart, felt like? He
held onto her body and concentrated on breathing deeply. Finally,
after several minutes, he rose from the bed and began to gather his
supplies, the box, some stationery and an envelope.
*
Early
the following morning, Sophie let herself into her parent’s
home. She noticed that the house remained dark and quiet. Despite the
early hour, her father was usually up and about, attending to her
mother’s needs. She softly called out, “Mom, Dad…where
is everyone?” Receiving no reply, she went in search of her
father. Perhaps, he was outside…she wandered through the
kitchen and out onto the back deck, calling his name, “Dad…Dad…it’s
Sophie. Are you out here?” Again receiving no response, she
reentered the house and walked toward the bedroom. The door remained
closed with only the faintest of light visible under the threshold.
As she reached for the handle, she felt a deep sense of sadness.
Pushing open the door, the first thing to hit her senses, was the
quiet…absolute quiet. She stilled her movement listening for
her mother’s raspy breathing or the bubbling of the oxygen…it
was so quiet, peaceful even. She walked toward the bed and saw her
parents intertwined in each other’s arms, locked in an embrace.
She approached tentatively, noticing the lack of movement…any
movement. They were so still and quiet. She reached out to gently
touch first one cheek and then the other. Closing her eyes to stem
the tears, she moved away from the bed. Placing a hand over her mouth
to stifle a soft cry, she turned to leave the room.
As she
walked back through the living room, to gain some composure before
calling Charlie and Sam, her eyes fell upon a letter addressed to
her. The envelope rested a top a large gift wrapped box. Reaching out
with trembling fingers, she retrieved the note and brought it to her
face. Inhaling the scent, she closed her eyes, relishing in all of
the fleeting memories evoked by the familiar fragrance of her
father’s cologne. She opened the letter in the dim morning
light and began to read.
My Darling Daughter,
If
you are reading this letter, then you have discovered that your
Mother and I have passed on. We did so peacefully and in each other’s
arms. Margaret spoke with me last evening. Seems her Mother knew her
time was at hand, she had asked Margaret not to give her any
medication yesterday. She wanted to be alert to visit with you and
Sam and our beautiful grandchildren, one last time. The two of us
spent yesterday afternoon reminiscing about our wonderful 50 years
together. Last night, after saying our goodbyes, I kissed her one
last time, before she peacefully passed away. She tried to make me
promise to go on without her. I told her I couldn’t promise to
go on with only half a soul. You see, she is the other half of
me.
Before you worry that I did something to myself. I could
never do that to you and Sam. However, at the moment of your Mother’s
death, I experienced a deep weight of pain in my chest. I don’t
know how to explain it, except poetically…a broken heart,
perhaps…or loss of half my soul. I once told your Mother that
we were one soul united in two hearts, and I am convinced you cannot
survive with only half a soul. So my princess, I composed this letter
with the thought; if I did not awaken from my sleep, you would know
what happened. And also know, that your Mother and I are together for
all eternity…as we always planned.
With this letter,
you will find a box. Enclosed in the box are several things for you
and Sam. First, my darling, you will find a series of 5 leather bound
journals. Your Mother and I started the tradition when you were born.
We both went back and composed a journal for the first 10 years of
our relationship, so that you could fully understand the depth of our
devotion and love. I won’t pretend that this first journal is
entirely accurate, since it was written retrospectively and through
eyes clouded with love. The remaining journals were written as our
life unfolded and gives you an idea, both from your Mother’s
and my perspective, of the love and happiness we enjoyed.
Also
included in the box, are two smaller gifts. The first is for you my
daughter. Your Mother wanted you to have her charm bracelet, so you
could have a piece of all the momentous occasions in our life. You
see…the bracelet was started at your birth. The very first
charm was a small shoe in honor of our first greatest treasure. The
second gift is for Sam. Your Mother gave me a watch for our 25th
Wedding Anniversary. It will run for all eternity, as long it is
worn. Your Mother told me, it was like our love…eternal. As
long as you or Sam or any one of our grandchildren and great
grandchildren are alive, our love lives on for all eternity.
My
Dearest Sophie, I can only wish for you and Charlie all the love and
happiness that your Mother and I had the honored pleasure of being
granted. Hold on to those you love, they are your greatest treasure
and crowing achievement.
Love For All Eternity,
Dad
She
wiped the tears from her eyes and set the letter aside. Reaching for
the large box, she carefully removed the wrappings. Taking a deep
breath, she withdrew the first leather bound journal. The title
across the front said, ‘The Journey Through A Rose Garden: The
Love Story of Sarah and Harmon Rabb’ and below in smaller print
was the subtitle, ‘The Beginning’. As she flipped through
the pages, it became obvious that the journal had been bound to
include first her mother’s then her father’s writings.
The subsequent journals were similarly titled, only the subtitles had
been altered for the time period included. She smiled at the subtitle
of the second book, ‘The Birth of a Princess, a Prince and a
Bear’.
She set the journal back into the box and
withdrew one of the smaller gifts, bearing her name. She walked over
to sofa and sat down, only to be bathed in the morning light. She
pulled on the delicate bow, releasing the buried treasure.
Withdrawing the golden bracelet, the gold and diamonds glittered
brilliantly in the sunlight. As she studied the heirloom, she
marveled that barely a link was left without a charm. She’d
once asked her mother what each charm meant, but her mother had only
smiled and replied, “That’s a secret between to two
people hopelessly in love. One day my daughter, I will tell you what
mystery each charm holds.” Sophie wiped at her tears, now she
would never know. As her body shook with deep gut wrenching sobs, the
gift box fell from her lap. Even as it hit the floor, a small scrap
of ivory paper fell from its hidden depths. Sophie retrieved the note
and was surprised to find the words of her mother, ‘My Dear
Bunny, The mysteries to the charms are revealed in the Journey. Read
the Journals my Darling Daughter, and you will understand. My Eternal
Love, Mama.’
***