Part 20B/20


12:30
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Antepartum Unit

Mac was awakened by the sound of deep gut wrenching sobs. As she blinked her eyes, trying to gain her bearings, she was met by the sight of her husband with tears flowing down his cheeks. She panicked at the sight, once again fearing that something had happened to Sophie. However as she reached up to comfort him, he didn’t respond to her words. He simply muttered over and over, “I love you, Sarah…I love you, Sarah….”

She maneuvered over to the side of the bed and took him into her arms. “Harm, sweetheart…you need to wake up. You’re dreaming, Sailor.” She wiped his tears and repeatedly kissed his face.

It was several minutes before he responded with fluttering eyelids and deep gasps. Blinking rapidly, he whispered, “Mac, you’re alive…you’re alright. What happened…did Sophie find the box?”

She pulled his head back to her shoulder and quietly soothed, “It’s OK, Sailor. I’m fine…Sophie’s fine…you were just dreaming, again.” He continued to inhale with shaking breaths, as tears soaked her pajamas. “Ssssh, it’s OK…let it go. We’re all here…everyone you love is just fine, sweetheart. Calm down.”

He finally sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face, to dry the tears. Releasing a nervous laugh, he glanced away with a sheepish look, “I’m sorry, Mac. I keep having these dreams. I don’t remember them, but I’m always exhausted and drained when I wake up.”

She reached up to caress his cheek and turned his face back to her. She gently traced the dark circles under his eyes and wiped away the stray tears that still escaped, despite his best efforts to control them. Pulling his head down, she placed a kiss on his forehead. He snuggled down in her embrace and rested his head on her chest. She held him in her arms, running a hand up and down his back. After a good twenty minutes of silence, she squeezed his side to gain his attention. “What’s going on, Sailor? I’ve never seen you this disturbed…you’re going to wear yourself out.”

He remained hidden in her embrace and spoke hauntingly, “Only once before,” he released a loud sigh, “when you went to Paraguay. Luckily I got there in time…before my dreams could come true.”

She responded in a gently voice, “Oh Harm, I’m not going anywhere and Sophie’s improving. I understand that you’ve been through a lot in the last 48 hours, but you’re never going to survive the ups and downs of Sophie’s hospital stay, if you keep going like this. You need to talk to me and let me help.” She kissed the top of his head, “Please let me in.”
He shook his head, “That’s just it, Mac. I can’t remember any of it…it seems so important, but I can’t remember.”

At that moment, Mac’s lunch tray was pushed into the room. “Here we are, Colonel Rabb. The doctor liberalized your diet.” The tech pushed the tray closer to the bedside, “Can I get you anything else, Ma’am?”

Mac shook her head, “No, thank you…this should be fine.” She sat up and lifted the dome from the plate and made a face at the barely recognizable food.”

Harm grinned at her, “Come on, Marine. Dr. Abrahms said you need to eat. I want to get you out of here and back home with me.” She pushed a fork through the mystery meat and potatoes. Harm stood up from the bed and stretched, “I’m going to run down to the cafeteria and grab some lunch and coffee, can I get you anything?”

She wrinkled her nose, “No, I’m really not that hungry.” Her eyes suddenly lit up, “Didn’t you say something about Chocolate Raspberry Ice Cream last night?”

He pointed back at her tray and laughed, “Nice try…lunch first, then we’ll talk about ice cream. You need to eat if you want to go visit Sophie, again this afternoon.”

She sighed dramatically, “You don’t play fair, Sailor…using my daughter and ice cream, as a bargaining chip to get me to eat this…whatever.” She pointed at the lunch tray, “I might even be persuaded to eat a salad over this stuff.”

He grinned, “I’ll see what I can find.” Leaning over to give her a kiss, he replied, “I’ll be back in a while, sweetheart.”

He walked down the familiar hall to the elevators. He was counting the days, until Mac came home, and he could stop living on this floor. Of course, they’d still be here everyday with Sophie, but at least his marine would be home. Stepping into the cafeteria, he checked out the food selections and came to the same conclusion as Mac. The food was inedible…even the salad bar, left something to be desired. He grabbed a cup of coffee and headed outside to enjoy some fresh air, maybe he’d go pick up something for both of them later.

Parking himself on a bench near the front of the hospital, he contemplated his unrelenting dreams. Why couldn’t he remember them? He was so deep in thought that he missed the familiar figures, walking through the front entrance. Finishing his coffee, he tossed the cup away and headed back inside.

As he passed the chapel, he paused a moment then decided to step inside. Claiming a back pew, he relaxed into the seat and felt a sense of peace overtake him. After the morning of worried dreams, the silence and peace were a welcome relief. A Navy Chaplain approached and asked if he could help. At Harm’s respectful decline, the Chaplain took his leave, with an invitation to return, if Harm felt the need for counsel. He remained in the back pew, enjoying the rare moment of relaxation and meditation. He studied the beautiful stained glass windows; they told a story. He shook his head astonished; in his previous visits over the last two days, he’d noticed very little of the décor of the little chapel. Deep in thought, he lost track of time, never realizing that an hour had passed.

As his thoughts came back to the present, he glanced at his watch and startled with concern. Mac was going to wonder where he’d gotten to; at that moment, Chaplain Turner entered the chapel with a relieved sigh. “There you are, Son. I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Mac sent me to find you. She needs you in the NICU…as soon as possible….”

Harm looked up in a panic at the words, ‘NICU’, ‘needs you’ and ‘soon’. He didn’t even pause to ask the Chaplain, what was going on. Sprinting through the door, he ran to the elevator, then thought better of it, and took the stairs…two at a time. The kindly old Chaplain had no chance of keeping up, and slowly limping back, chided himself for his choice of words.

Harm arrived in the NICU, out of breath, and raced passed the scrub sink, heading to Sophie’s room. As he drew close to the isolation room, the first thing he noticed was the silence. The oscillating ventilator that Sophie was on, made a distinct loud vibrating noise, something a kin to a plane taking off in flight. He stopped dead in his tracks just outside the door…the sound was deafening in its silence. The fear descended on him like a weight. He took a small step then another, afraid to let the scene play out. Closing his eyes, he took the last step into the doorframe. All he could hear was the slight buzzing noise of whispers. As he opened his eyes, he saw the backs of several people congregated around Sophie’s bedside. His eyes moved from one to the other of the recognizable forms: Dr. Williams, Sophie’s nurse and AJ. He grabbed onto the doorframe, in an attempt to remain upright. Chewing on his bottom lip, he tried unsuccessfully to stifle a cry of pain. How could they lose her now? Not after the turmoil of the last two days…not after she was improving. Tears appeared in his eyes, but despite his best efforts, he couldn’t move his feet forward from that spot on the floor.

Mac heard the cry and leaned backwards just in time to watch the crumbling façade of her strong sailor. She cried out, “Harm! AJ help him…someone grab him, before he falls.”

The sea of people split in two, giving him the first glimpse of his wife and daughter. His eyes widened as he took in the sight. Mac, with tears in her eyes, held Sophie to her chest. The tears tracked down his cheeks with increasing rapidity at the thought of the loss of his princess.

AJ reached out a firm hand to grasp his arm before he collapsed to the floor. Pulling him along to the bedside, Harm stopped short of Mac’s wheelchair. Looking down with a sense of utter despair, he was shocked to see an expression of absolute joy on her face. The last time he’d seen that look of happiness, no pure ecstasy, was as she threw herself into his arms to accept his marriage proposal. He slowly inched closer and reverently kneeled before the chair. As he peered into his daughter’s face, he was amazed to find her eye’s open and staring back at him. In their depths, he thought he could see the secrets of the world. As he gazed further into her mesmerizing blue-green eyes, he saw glimpses of their future and in that one moment he remembered each and every detail of his dreams.

Mac watched with amazement as the father and daughter studied each other, lost in the depth of the other’s unwavering gaze. It was as if they were sharing sacred bits of wisdom and history. After an unknown period of time, Sophie closed her eyes and Harm exhaled a heavy held breath. Mac reached out a hand to caress his cheek, “Harm, are you alright? I didn’t mean to scare you…I just thought you would want to hold our daughter.” Receiving no response, she drew his face closer to hers, “Sweetheart, are you with me? Sophie’s OK…they just changed her to a regular ventilator. She’s doing well enough to be held now.”

He blinked his eyes in recognition, as a wide beautiful smile appeared on his face. Mac wiped the tears from his cheeks and paused to study him closer. He leaned forward to place a kiss on Sophie’s forehead then on Mac’s. He smiled against her skin, “I’m more than OK, sweetheart. I’m wonderful and ecstatic and happy and fulfilled and…” he pulled back and stared at her with big eyes, “…I don’t know anymore words to describe how I feel.”

She laughed at his expression, “You scared me for a minute there, Sailor. I thought we were going to have to pick you up off the floor.” She then grew serious, “Harm, what did you see when you looked in Sophie’s eyes…you both were so intent…like you were sharing a secret.”

He looked into her eyes with awe, “We were, Mac…sharing secrets that is.”

She tilted her head to the side and regarded him for a moment, then as if struck by an epiphany, exclaimed, “Your dreams…you were sharing your dreams.

He nodded with the subtlest of a smile, “Yes…my dreams.”

She puzzled, “What did you see…in your dreams, that is?”

He shook his head in wonder, “Our future…Sarah, I saw our future.”

Her eyes grew wide with interest and she whispered, “Tell me?”

He took her hand, “No, not this time. I don’t want us to live our lives trying to fulfill a dream that might not even be real.” He gave her the most amazing smile, “But sweetheart, I will tell you that it’s going to be an incredible journey. It might not always be happy…and I promise there will be hard times, but the good times will out weigh those by huge measure.”

She begged, “But Harm…”

He kissed her hand, “Trust me? You know that verse, ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning’. Sarah, I can’t begin to describe the joy…the happiness…the fulfillment. It’s going to be absolutely extraordinary.” He leaned in to place a kiss on her lips and whispered, “Trust me?”
As he pulled back, she whispered, “Always.” Grinning at his contented smile, she asked, “Do you want to hold your daughter?”

He nodded his head unable to speak. Bobbie, the nurse, stepped forward to assist, “Let me lift the baby for a minute, while you change positions.”

As he sat down in the bedside chair, the nurse placed his daughter in his arms for the first time. He leaned down to place and kiss on Sophie’s cheek then closed his eyes at the feeling of contentment the simple gesture evoked. He smiled at Mac, “She’s going to be a marine you know.”

The End



AN: And thus the journey ends with the DREAMS meeting “REALITY”. For those of you who have paid close attention, you will have noticed that the last scene at Sophie’s bedside is a perfect replica of one of Harm’s first dreams. Some have asked whether the dreams represent a foretelling of the future? The dreams represent my idea of what the Rabb family’s future will be, with all the ups, downs and in-betweens, the joys, sorrows and tears. I hope you have found the traveling of this journey to be enjoyable and fulfilling. I would have so loved to have seen this glimpse of our favorite couple’s future acted out on the series, but alas it can only happen in MY DREAMS and imagination. Thank you for reading what turned out to be an epic-length labor of love.



AN: References

The song that I present in this chapter is called the“Book of Love” by Peter Gabriel, from the movie “Shall We Dance.” If you have never heard the song, I encourage you to listen to it. To thoroughly understand and enjoy the words to this song, you must hear the music. As I described in the story, the chorus/refrain is absolutely beautiful. The musical notes for each word are drawn out in a lilting melody that reminds me of a conversation between two lovers. Listen to the music as you picture Harm singing the words to Mac.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861); Sonnets From the Portuguese, Sonnet XLIII (How do I love thee?)